Is it normal that i have the same crush for over 3 years?

65% Normal

Hi everyone,my name is Mike, and I'm 20 and still single. When I was 16 something, I had this massive crush on a girl that was way out of my league. I started working out intensely, taking care of my skin, clothes, haircut etc. I wanted to change so I could have HER one day. But, in these 3 something years we barely spoke once, so, you could say it was a waste of time for me. But STILL. I only wanted HER. I mean, there were other girls, but I didn't like any as much as I liked her. We bump into each other every now and then, and she reminds me that I'll never have someone like her, so I grief about that fact and just plain feel bad. I've been told she's dumb, a slut etc. but nothing helped. And, by the way, she's in a long relationship, over 3 years. So, there is no chance for me. And the worse part is, I compare other women to her, as if I'm trying to replace her, but no luck. I'm prepared and frightened at the same time about the fact that I may stay single, but if that's the price I have to pay, so be it, still better than being with someone I don't find attractive.
My question is, how do I stop liking her, and move on?

Voting Results

65% Normal

Based on 37 votes (24 yes)

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Comments ( 35 )

thegypsysailor

8 years ago

I agree with you, there is NO chance for you.
You have built up this huge fictional thing in your mind that she is the perfect girl, yet you don't really even know her. I mean after all, from what you've said, you've barely even spoken to this girl in three years.
So you've got a look at the outside of the package and decided it's the perfect gift. WRONG!
Either you are using her as an excuse not to get into a real relationship with anyone, or deep down you think you have some chance to be with her, even though she has apparently given you absolutely no reason to believe this.
I can't believe that she is the ONLY female on this planet you've ever found attractive. Time to move on and get a life.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  I'm cool with that, not having a relationship is just one segment of life, i can cope with it.
  
  And no, i found dozens of women attractive ( which didn't find me attractive ), and more or less a dozen of women found me attractive ( which I didn't find attractive ), so, the vicious circle never ends.
  
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  - thegypsysailor
    
    8 years ago
    
    Try just making friends with a gal and see where that goes. Over a lifetime our tastes in many things change.
    I'm with a woman now that is not at all my 'type' physically, but it's by far the best relationship I've ever been in. For the first time, I was friends with a woman before the physical relationship began.
    I found that it's much easier to love someone you like, than like someone who's physical appearance is the only thing you are attracted to.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      8 years ago
      
      So, what you're saying here is that I should lower my expectations and lean more on the girls inside, rather than the outside ? I've been friends with like a dozen of girls, but, the thing is, I have to like what I'm looking at. I'm really outgoing etc, but that's whats holding me down.
      
      I don't want to do the "She has this, but she hasn't got this" thing and make a compromise. I just want to like her from the moment i saw her, not develop feelings overtime ( which happened, but not to the point that I wanted to make a move on her, my high expectations held me down ).
      
      I'm not getting desperate to find a girl, but it just feels like there's something missing in my life. I'm afraid of that feeling getting worse.
      
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      - Crow
        
        8 years ago
        
        My take on this is that you're not lowering your expectations, you're gonna realise that your "expectations" are likely impossible to fulfill because they're built on the idea of a woman rather than what she honestly is.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        8 years ago
        
        So, what you two are saying is accept average ?
        
        @thegypsysailor Humans are firstly attracted to appearance, and after that comes personality. Not the other way around.
        
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      - thegypsysailor
        
        8 years ago
        
        If you find a girl who you 'like what I'm looking at' and get together, do you think she'll still look the same after 20 years?
        I know it's a trite saying, but it really is what's on the inside that matters.
        
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LordOfTheFries

8 years ago

Take her off the pedestal man. No girl is perfect and if you only had talked to her to know her better you would have known enough to not feel this sense of attraction to her. At least, not as powerful. There is a girl out there for you fam open up more.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  Well, to be honest, i'm kinda waiting on someone like her, or to develop the same kinda feelings for someone else. I won't allow myself to go for someone that I partially want, or like. If a bitch enters my life, does that mean I go for da pussi or hold to my priorities and seek what i want?
  
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TheHighFlyer

8 years ago

I read where you decided she was out of your league. I read where you did all this stuff to change for her. But I didn't see you mention that you actually tried asking her out and she turned you down. If you haven't, maybe you should let her decide she isn't interested in you, rather than you deciding that for her.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  She's in a 3 year long relationship, I cant change that.
  
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flyingnostalgia

8 years ago

You probably should get over it. And if you cant find anyone other to like then wait and there will be others you will find attractive.

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- Thedollcollector8==D
  
  8 years ago
  
  Too bad your brain doesnt match your face. You are actually kind of cute like a pixie. Downvoted!
  
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- TheSailorOfTheSevenBasements
  
  8 years ago
  
  You have absolutely no friends and are still a virgin at 25.
  
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sexysonofsam

8 years ago

Fuck her, she is a waste of space in this universe, go find yourself somebody who likes you and forget the bitch!

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  Well, what if I dont like that somebody ?
  
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  - bucho's_butt
    
    8 years ago
    
    Not to be an asshole..but you sound really lame man. You're really young and you can't see how much you're going to change in the next decade. Even in the next year. Your personality is going to change so much that you'll be a completely different person. Don't worry about finding the right woman, she'll find you.
    
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  - sexysonofsam
    
    8 years ago
    
    You will not only like her, you will love her! She is out there looking for somebody just like you right this very moment!
    
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BlackyHancock

8 years ago

I'm in same situation, I wish I knew how to answer that.

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TheDentist

8 years ago

My crush broke up with me after I "accidentally" forgot to use anaesthesia when I pulled her wisdom teeth.

Now, my crush is the screams of my patients as I perform aggressive dentistry on them.

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MeatHookSodomy

8 years ago

"So, there is no chance for me" "3 something years we barely spoke once"

The above are the main red flags in your post showing your lack of experience, poor outlook, and beta mindset. If you continue on this way you'll end up on a website called SlutHate and at that point just jump off a fuckin bridge.

Google "neomasculinity" perhaps this will help. Good luck brother...

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- bucho's_butt
  
  8 years ago
  
  I just checked out that sluthate site. It looks like a complete waste of time. What a bunch of confused fuckheads with too much time on their hands.
  
  On an unrelated note, I think it's funny that fuckheads doesn't get flagged as a misspelling. Dipshit always does though.
  
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  - MeatHookSodomy
    
    8 years ago
    
    They are dead on in some isolated areas but it's a mixed bag spilling over with omegas for the most part and not for the advise seeker
    
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  Listen, i'm not a whiny bitch that griefs about being alone. I wanted to be happy, i thought i will if i would be with her, but obviously not, that didnt happen.
  
  I'm focused on myself, i'm on an engineering faculty, second year, i workout 4 times a week, i look relatively good, i occasionally go out. It's just, there are times i wish i had someone i actually like. I know that i probably will, but for now, i'm completely focused on myself, i dont care if i'll fuck a bitch or no, i cant make a living out of it.
  
  I dont give a damn if someone points out to me that he had sex and i didnt, thats just him showing insecurity and trying to "blend in", i dont "blend in". I'm not a yes man, i'm a no man, if i mind something i'll say it, if someone is pushing me, i'll fuck him off. I aint scared of life, or women.
  
  Women look at me now, because i'm more built than my mates, i've been told to be extremely funny, cute ( i aint braging either, just saying ), but the ones i want arent looking AND THAT is whats getting to me. And the missed opportunities, the women that talked to me, looked me in a certain way, or this or that, and me ducking that opportunity is also "retarded" and makes me look like a cunt? Me missing on a pussy makes me a beta ? I dont need to fuck a bitch to prove to myself i'm manly enough,i'm not that insecure.
  
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najumm2025

8 years ago

Oh my gosh that's so frickin cute! You've liked her for three years? Awe! That's literally so heart warming. If she's been in a relationship for over 3 years, it must be pretty serious. The only way you'll get over her is by telling her you like her. Like literally tell her and if she's like ew wtf no then you'll think of her as a stupid ass bitch. If its the opposite then you're screwed. But basically just think of everything you can to hate her. I mean if you haven't spoken to her, then you don't know what she's like, all you know is that she's really attractive, but what if she's a little bitch, then what? Go out there and find yourself someone who likes you, notices you and someone with a fab personality! If you fall for her she should consider herself lucky, I mean who crushes on the same girl for 3 years straight knowing he has no chance with her?

GOOD LUCK XXX

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  It's not a big deal finding someone that wants me, I dont want that. I want someone I notice. I dont want to make compromises.
  
  When a girl likes me, it makes it okay for me to make a compromise to be with her. Why shouldn't it be okay for a girl to make a compromise and be with me ?
  
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  - najumm2025
    
    8 years ago
    
    Because, she's already with someone, she can't exactly leave someone she loves for you, I mean you haven't even had a proper conversation with her. And if a girl likes you, you don't have to be with her, you could always let her down gently. No one has to Make compromises to be with someone, its called love, if you BOTH love each other then its not a compromise its a choice :) x
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      8 years ago
      
      I've let down quite a few then I guess. And I see you're talking about mutual feelings here, which never occurred for me. It was either she didn't even look at me, or me not giving a fk for some average looking girl.
      I know it sounds shallow, and it probably is, but still, I am not one of those guys that develops feelings overtime, it's more like, I like her or not, the very first few mins. And don't start with the "personality" attitude, because I've given them a chance, we've talked and talked and all I've seen is insecurity, and I don't want someone that's insecure.
      I'm well prepared to suck it up and rather stay single then be with someone average that I don't find attractive at all.
      
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      - najumm2025
        
        8 years ago
        
        Good for you then! Its sort of shallow to like someone because of the way they look, for all you know she could be the biggest bitch ever! But its a normal thing all people do, we judge from what we see on the outside. And yeah you're right, if you're with someone but you're not happy because they're not attractive enough for you then yeah you should just suck it up and stay single because you shouldn't deserve her if looks is all you care about.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        8 years ago
        
        You sound like one of those "pretty on the inside" girls. Which is ok. But don't push it with the "you don't deserve her" bullshit. I'm not a shallow cunt that cares ONLY for looks, but if i'm not attracted to someone, why should I compromise by telling myself she has a great personality ( having a good personality is nice, but most are insecure as fuck, because of their looks ) .
        I'm not gonna build her confidence by saying she's pretty when she aint. Nobody told me I was good looking till i worked my ass off in the gym, actually hitting relatively good grades on faculty, or improving my personality and life in general. Well, nobody except my parents, without them i wouldn't be capable of achieving shit.
        And I see you're going over the bullshit that is called "love". Who said I'm looking for love ? Even if I am, i could've found "love" from someone which is less secure than me, less smart, quiet ( i hate when i'm the only one talking ), worse looking than me ( See where I've put the looks ? ).
        All I want to say is, i don't want a goddess, but someone that leaves an impression that she is secure enough to not ask me if she looks good in this or that, but to KNOW that she looks good or bad in it.
        But, I've dealt with the fact that they're hard to find, and can't care less for other women.
        
        We are attracted to looks, but remain together because of our personalities.
        
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RamennoodleMaster

8 years ago

Took the words right out of my mouth. Well keep at it, it seems as though the strides you are making are all good and heading in the right direction. Make sure that you are able to show off your new assets the next time you see this girl, otherwise its a waste of time.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  She's in a 3 year long relationship, I cant change that.
  
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal that i have the same crush for over 3 years?