Is it normal that i have feelings for a girl, who is half my age?

40% Normal

Hi people,

Let me give you the details.

Im from the country, out West. Despite the fact, I have been travelling a lot (Europe, United Arab Emirates, Australia..) since Im an IT Consultant. I enjoy city life as much as I do the open range.

I came back for a couple of months, kinda like a mini Sabbatical. Since I do freelance/contract work, I can go back to my job whenever I like (sweet).

Anyway, I visit some family and friends. Go to there houses, have dinner and catch up. But....something happened.

I saw a girl I knew...I was 22 at the time. She was only 9 years old, but her character was like "wow": she was a woman in a girls body. Feminine, flirty, sweet and caring.

Back in the day, she would give me love letters, flowers, poems and drawings. This was beautiful to me and very endearing. I went to Europe, and before I left, I gave her some flowers and a box of expensive chocolates. She gave me a big, warm hug. She clung to me like a spider monkey!

I asked her "Do you want me to let go" She shook her head and just stayed still...in my arms and holding tight. After a few minutes in silent embrace, I said goodbye...she just looked at me with her big hazel eyes and a sad yet poetic face.

Well, now that Im back again...she is absolutely beautiful.
Her character, he poise, her expression, her eyes...
She's 16 now, Im 30. I dont look my age, people say I look 24 or less.

So, we see each other again. I talk about how Europe is; Paris, London, Barcelona. The dessert surrounding Dubai and the camels :)

She isnt as curious as when she was younger, doesnt ask that many questions...but she is more silent...like she's waiting for me to say something more than gentle and kind words.

Her father and mother have no problem with me interacting with her. My family is a respectful one, known throughout the county. Im a well mannered, handsome young man. Many a girl has been wanting to date me, by I have always been focused on friends, family and career. And hey, these girls never bothered to ask me out!

I know, Im weird in that sense :P

So...we go out to a lake and sit down by the shores, throwing pebbles and watching the water twinkle...and I just blurt this phrase out:

"Do you love me?"

She looks at me, surprised...but her face is so innocent.
She hugs me then gives me quick, but warm, kiss on my lips.

I was shocked...but I felt like I was floating.

We hugged each other, and stayed that way for what seemed to be hours, yet only 30min had passed.

We go back to her place. I talk to her father about man stuff and then say goodbye to him and his wife. They go in and leave me and my friend outside. Done on purpose? I dont know.

Were on the porch, looking towards the front gate and my truck. I step down to the pathway, then turn around facing her, letting her stand on the first steps of the porch.

I grab both her hands then look at her: she is an angel.

I cant resist and kiss her very sweetly. Lip to lip, holding her face up to mine. We hug each other, then say goodbye.

We text after that, but in a very caring and soft manner.
Nothing stupid or racy, just simple, sweet words.

So....what do I do???

She isnt like 99% of girls I know. She's something special.

I want to go back to Dubai or the UK, thats where the money and opportunities are at the moment, at least in my line of work.

But...I have feelings for her. Strong feelings like Ive never felt for anyone in my life.

What makes me confused is the current norm in this country, what is said on TV, the current perception that if your older and shes young, your a degenerate. This, and what I feel for her, are nothing close.

I feel no lust for her. I feel love, a very pure love, for her.

Please let me know or give me your advice.

Voting Results

40% Normal

Based on 35 votes (14 yes)

Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!

[ Report Post ]

Comments ( 35 )

ilovetoiletrolls

9 years ago | pl

"She was 9 years old"

Dude, that's sick. You're in need of some serious help.

Comment Hidden ( show )

6

6
- rubifen
  
  9 years ago
  
  Sir, you think its sick because you are thinking in a SICK manner.
  
  I have not touched her, spoken to her, thought of her or seen her in perverted fashion.
  
  You need not project your internal thoughts and notions onto a circumstance that goes beyond the generalization you imply.
  
  I feel pity for you, since you see things, as this, with an obscure and tainted manner.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  -2
  
  -2
  - thegypsysailor
    
    9 years ago
    
    These are exactly the same arguments pedophiles use to excuse their behavior; EXACTLY! The fact that a child has developed feelings for you is no justification for you to encourage her or pin your hopes that one day she will be your woman. She is a child. You are supposedly THE adult, act like one.
    You really need to find an adult female to love and leave this poor child to make her own way in the world without your bad influence.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    -1
    
    -1
    - rubifen
      
      9 years ago
      
      You sir, are very common.
      
      Many people become falsely scandalized when these type of scenarios are known.
      
      You scream "innocence" and "childhood", but, when girls or boys delve into promiscuous sexual conduct, you just waive it off, justifying what happened as an awakening and being "youthful".
      
      Im not a kid. Ive been around. Girls and boys, at that age, could give you, me and many more, lessons in sexual education.
      
      So stop being a hypocrite and behave like a rational human being, not an emotional one.
      Stop crying for these young kids, they dont need your false tears, they need attention and love from their parents.
      
      In my case, there is no lust, no desire for it, no grooming or anything like that.
      
      I am not imposing myself nor will I.
      
      I will give her space and time.
      She's an intelligent girl, he heart and emotions will come to a conclusion.
      
      One I will respect.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      1
      
      1
      - thegypsysailor
        
        9 years ago
        
        I do not believe you for one tiny instant; "In my case, there is no lust, no desire for it, no grooming or anything like that." Yet only a few lines later, "I will give her space and time." for what? To be your lover, of course!
        As for your, "
        Im not a kid. Ive been around. Girls and boys, at that age, could give you, me and many more, lessons in sexual education.", please speak for yourself, because you don't know a fucking thing about me or my sexual experience. But just to clue you in, I don't need to start grooming them at nine, to make sure I get laid at least once in my life.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
        
        -
        
        rubifen
        
        9 years ago
        
        You my take my words out context.
        
        If I say Ive been around, its because I have friends that tell all sorts of stories and Ive known cases where girls, at a young age, are already sexually active.
        
        And if I'll give her space and time, its because of the advice given to me by the people in this site.
        
        Space and time means talking to her and letting her know the situation and making clear her feelings and mine.
        
        Apart from that, I disregard your words.
        
        You are one and the same, as all hypocrites.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
        
        See More Comments =>
(s)aint

9 years ago

The reactions here are amusing since the legal age of consent is 15 in my country and I had sex when I was 16.5 with a guy that was 19. Do I feel abused? Absolutely not, if anything I was the one using him to get laid.

Everything but the fact that you seemed to fancy her even when she was nine is perfectly normal even though I would not go for such an age difference myself I know plenty of young women who would love themselves an older male.

I say keep in touch, talk to her more and If I were you I would encourage her to see other people because truthfully I am not the same person I was when I was sixteen, there's a lot of things going on on a teenagers mind and body.

Comment Hidden ( show )

3

3
- rubifen
  
  9 years ago
  
  I think you understand our situation.
  
  She isnt for having sex, as she isnt a rebellious or a capricious girl. She's a very special person.
  
  I didnt fancy her at age 9, I just felt...different. Like I say, there is something magical/spiritual about her. I saw her as a child with a very mature heart and mind.
  
  But now that she's older, she is still innocent, but she is far more "womanly" and grown up. She is very pretty, she has a beautiful figure, but that doesnt stand out. What stands out is the way she is, her eyes, her character....it all on the inside.
  
  I will let her be young, encourage her to have a vision for her life and make an effort to go forward.
  
  But, you know what? She doesnt want to climb mountains, work at a corporation, study to be a scientist: she seems the kinda girl that want one thing: love. To love and be loved.
  
  Thats the way I see her.
  
  Thank you and God bless.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
Crusades|

9 years ago

LMAO look at all the pedos in the comment section

Comment Hidden ( show )

2

2
- ilovetoiletrolls
  
  9 years ago
  
  I know, right? Creepy people.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
Angelmikeal

9 years ago

boy you are headed for jail back up from that girl and get a gal more in your age bracket ,and try to reduce the number of times u see each other

Comment Hidden ( show )

2

2
- rubifen
  
  9 years ago
  
  I have no ill intentions.
  
  I have known her parents since I was a boy.
  I know myself and I know how I feel.
  
  She, too, has no ill intentions nor is she the rebellious type.
  
  I am being prudent in this whole situation, but by God, if it is meant to be, I will not let this slip through the cracks of my life, only to live a life full of regret.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  1
  
  1
mystery7

9 years ago

If you're serious about each other wait until it's all legal. Just keep in touch with each other in the meantime. Maybe even revive the lost art of writing a real letter, it's a great way to get to know someone who lives far away.

To wait 2 years - if it's really true love - is nothing in the grand scheme of things. As I understand from your story nothing illegal happened when you first met her and as far as I can tell nothing illegal happened when she was 16.

As for the age difference it's not that big a deal when you are adults. (I had a relationship where there was an 18 year difference between us (she was 23 years old when we first got together).

She will not always be half your age, e.g. when you are 40 she will be 27.

Rather than being judgemental I will simply advise you to keep it strictly legal and wish you both luck.

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
- rubifen
  
  9 years ago
  
  Sir, I will always respect her.
  If I didnt, I would not truly love her.
  
  Your right. I will start to write letters, send her post cards, keep in touch the old way. Letters, in written form, are very powerful.
  
  If it the Lord's Will, she will remain in my heart and I in hers. Waiting will be tough, but I leave this in God's Hands.
  
  I dont look 30, I get told all the time. I have friends who are 24/26. We get along just fine. Ive been told I look their age, even younger when I have a close shave. Im youthful, happy and energetic. When and if I get to 40, the age difference will not be that pronounced, as I will go on aging but looking much younger. And if she gets to 30, well, women at that age are going down hill. Tis the truth.
  
  I will keep all things legal. I give you my word.
  
  Thank you.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  1
  
  1
kelili

9 years ago

I suggest you stay in touch with her and pursue your career. Come back in a couple of years and date her. Don't forget that right now she is sixteen, a teenager. Tomorrow she might meet another guy and fall in love. You obviously want more than just flirting with her. The best thing to do is wait. Wait until she's a grown woman. She'll understand her feelings for you better.

And by the way I'm not shocked by your age gap or the fact that she's sixteen. At seventeen I was dating a thirty-four old man. And I've always dated older man since then, except for some exceptions.

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
- rubifen
  
  9 years ago
  
  I have thought about waiting, giving her space.
  
  My inner fear is that she will feel I am gone, lost interest and then opt for a guy at school or in her circle of friends.
  
  I admit to wanting more than flirt, but that doesnt mean my feelings are sexual in nature. Im not like that.
  
  Thank you for your advice.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - kelili
    
    9 years ago
    
    Oh, sorry. When I said that you wanted more than flirting I was not thinking about sex. I meant that you wanted to build a relationship.
    
    Good Luck!
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - rubifen
      
      9 years ago
      
      Thank you!
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
Odeen

9 years ago

There are plenty happy couples with an age gap, but nine years old?

I know the first kiss was at 16 but nine!?

Look.

Wait until she is legal. Doesn't matter if you've never had the slightest inclination to see her naked.

Wait the two years.

If you still love her, then use your judgement.

This is NOT normal, but if you play your cards right, it might just be acceptable.

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
- rubifen
  
  9 years ago
  
  There are kids who are gifted with a very high IQ, others, are gifted with a very mature mind and heart.
  
  The world isnt black and white.
  
  I didnt pay that much attention to her when she was nine.
  Please re-read my post.
  
  She is 16 now, and I will wait.
  But me being 32 and her 18 will not change the way we both feel.
  
  But, I am not looking to get into trouble.
  I pray that God inspires me to do the right thing.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
regisphilbin

9 years ago

this is the most beautiful thing ever. what you have is true love and romance.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- rubifen
  
  9 years ago
  
  I do feel this way.
  
  I feel like a star is shining brightly over me...
  
  Thank you! God bless.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
modernism

9 years ago

Nicholas Sparks? Is that you?

I'm joking, but that so sweet. There seems to be nothing wrong with your relationship with the girl. Both of you seem to love each other, so I see no issue.

The only thing I would worry about is if her parents are comfortable with this. Other than that, I think it's adorable and perfectly normal.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- rubifen
  
  9 years ago
  
  I had to Google who Nicholas Sparks was :)
  
  But yes, I do not have any lustful feeling towards her (God forbid) and she has not shown any sign of being precocious or promiscuous.
  
  She does not dress in a inappropriate manner.
  Yes, Im old fashioned. I would never date a girl with tattoos, head shaven, piercings or to much skin being shown.
  
  I do love her. I have never felt so...spiritual, light headed...happy.
  
  Thank you for your words.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  -1
  
  -1
[Old Memory]

9 years ago

This isn't nearly as alarming as many of the other posts on this site, nonetheless it makes me somewhat uncomfortable.

Not to mention the fact that it reads like fiction, causing me to doubt its authenticity.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- rubifen
  
  9 years ago
  
  Sir, if you think this is fiction, its because you are encountering something that is not common.
  
  Im from the country, I aint a city slicker.
  Although I do like living in big cities; the hussle and bussle is contagious.
  
  From what Ive noticed, city slickers have their "knickers in a knot" over many things, and they project their insecurities and warped mindset onto things that, while uncommon in urban areas, are simple and beautiful to country folk.
  
  I respectfully disagree with you.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
thegypsysailor

9 years ago

I have feelings for a woman who is 397/1000ths my age, but at least she's an adult.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
theseeker

9 years ago

The disturbing thing is you have allowed yourself to fall for a teenage girl. A normal, rational person would not do such a thing! Let it go. If she's half your age, then it just wasn't meant to be.

Comment Hidden ( show )

-1

-1
- rubifen
  
  9 years ago
  
  I dont find my feelings disturbing.
  
  Once again, please, stop pairing sexual desire to feelings of love, affection and care.
  
  It doesn't surprise me that people, in this day and age, think everything has to do with sex.
  
  I feel love for her, true love.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  2
  
  2
  - theseeker
    
    9 years ago
    
    "I dont find my feelings disturbing."
    Well, you should. Listen, this is a teenage girl and you are a middle-aged man. The two of you being in any romantic relationship whatsoever shouldn't be in the realm of your possibilities in the first place, therefore you are incompatible for each other. I'm trying to tell you this isn't right! Regardless of what your feelings are for her right now, you gotta move on and let it go.
    
    If you are already set in your ways, then I don't know why you're looking for advice. I have told you what the "morally right" thing to do is, and I'm certain I'm correct on this. That's all I can tell you. It's up to you now. I'm hoping you make the right decision.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    1
    
    1
    - rubifen
      
      9 years ago
      
      I replied with a detailed answer, but the comment disappeared. I cant be bothered writing it all over again.
      
      I will take your words into account.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      1
      
      1
    - rubifen
      
      9 years ago
      
      You call me a "middle aged man". You made me laugh.
      
      You think Im what? A man who is short sighted, has a weird look on his face and wears very neat, but outdated, clothing? Oh, and I keep sweets in my pocket at all times.
      
      Im laughing as I write this. Do I look like this, do I?
      
      http://goo.gl/zAt7bQ
      
      Anyway. I have already stated that Im only 30. Not only that, I dont look 30. I have boyish looks, Im young at heart and am not a "creep".
      
      As I mentioned to another user:
      If your a genius, dont finish college earlier than others?
      Same thing goes with girls/women who are mature in their femininity and womanhood.
      
      I talked to a Mexican at our local deli, I mentioned the situation without letting him know it was me. With a surprised look on his face he said "And whats wrong with that? If theres no malice and she loves the guy, whats all the fuss about?"
      
      Here in this country, we complicate things, too much.
      We must abide my the law, and thats what I am doing.
      
      Anything outside of that, is her business and mine.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
      - theseeker
        
        9 years ago
        
        Ok maybe I got carried away with the "middle-aged" part, so I apologize for putting you in that category when maybe I shouldn't have. I still stand by my point strongly.
        
        You say you're not a creep, but this situation is very "creepy". Whether you wanna accept it or not, you're a "creep", and not right in the head. You will be judged this way by most for good reason because this type of thing is considered immoral in our society.
        
        Like I said, at the end of the day, it's your life, your decision, and you will have to face the consequence of whatever you do. Thank you for at least taking my opinion into account.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
VirgilManly

9 years ago

Have you considered adopting her?

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0

Are You Normal?

Is it normal that i have feelings for a girl, who is half my age?