Is it normal that i hate talking to people but wishing for someone to talk to

The title limited my words so, please let me repeat it, is it normal that I hate or probably afraid to talk to people but desperately wishing for someone to talk to at the same time? The reason I hate or afraid to talk to anybody because I wouldn't know what to reply or answer to them. I am afraid that people would dislike me for the way I talk or what I've said to them. I am even more afraid when they won't reply or answer to whatever I've said, they just ignore me, so I'd rather keep quiet instead of talking to people who just don't care about me. I sometimes also feel it's so troublesome to talk to someone that I'd rather be alone. But at the same time of being alone, I feel lonely, I feel like talking to someone yet I do not want to talk to anybody. I even think that I am annoying and irony sometimes, and I don't even know what to do with myself. Some say this is anti-social but I don't think I am, or maybe I am.

P.s: I had a lot of broken friendships and even tho I have friends now, I know they deep down dislike me from their hearts and I do not know why. I can tell from the way they treat me differently from the other friends of our gang.
I am the one who always get ignored.