Is it normal that i fucking despise ambiguity?

lol i still get sarcasm don't forget, stay here

I guess not? As far as I know I just have a bunch of anxiety disorders. I don’t know what else is happening up there lol

I just hate the fact that people think it's ok to take advantage of eachother.

My mom raised me and she was a nut case.

She never actually made meth, but she still knew how to make it. Her mind was a bit strange.

In a good way, at times. My mom literally had a microscope that she would use to "investigate" meth for her, uh, diabetic friends.

Basically she taught me that meth can be impure, and that a microscope can be used to investigate that meth and find out what's "wrong" with it so that it wouldn't kill her diabetic "friends".

I kinda remember what this means, and I genuinely want to remember all the way! It's fascinating. Not even repulive at all.

My mother, herself, was extremely repulsive though.

She was sick, very much so. And incredibly intelligent. It's a bit too much for a child to keep up with.

She expected me to understand sarcasm ever since I was born basically, lol. I didn't fucking get it though. I was, ya know, developmentally incapable, since I was just a fucking child. Children can't even "get" sarcasm until they're like 9, I think? No wonder I'm just a bit "twisted".

My mom expected me to take care of her. I was flip flopped bewtween her and my grandma throughout my entire childhood.

It was always difficult to pick a side. Both my grandma and my mom made a lot of sense to me.

They both screamed and yelled at me too.

I cried and sobbed every single time.

Very little frightens me, still. "Snapping" at me can still reduce me to tears.

"SHOUT" at me? Let's see what happens then...

I still won't "snap". By that I mean I won't ACTUALLY hurt you. I've learned to SCREAM BACK though. And I do it so well that frightens people, including the most intimidating people in my family.

I am fucking done, in all honesty. Done with this stupidity. These poor communication skills that nobody has an excuse for.

Poor communication skills literally gets people MURDERED.

Poor communication skills harm those of us who are not quite "neurotypical".

It's not cute or sweet or funny that I can't eat my cereal or drink my coffee in the morning because I can hear my 71 year old neighbor's DAUGHTER and CAREGIVER SHOUTING at her own MOTHER that she has "dementia".

Oh gee...Wonder why her FUCKING DEMENTIA is getting worse!

Maybe it's because that dumbass caregiver is blinder than a bat? Can she not see her own MOTHER wasting away before her eyes as she yells at her?

She can, actually.

I know this because I talked to her about it, and now I hear SCREAMING less often.

The less SCREAMING AND YELLING AND NOISE the more and more my sanity returns.

Pathetic, right? Cute, right?

It isn't.

Neither is fucking merciless eye contact against my own will, either. Especially not when it comes from stupid fucking cops who are "supposed" to protect me.

That's another story that I don't feel like trying to put in this post, thought I most likely will tell it at another time.

Long story short, my mom had something extremely fucking wrong with her and I just soaked it up like a sponge. Doesn't mean I actually like it though. I will continue purging it one way or another.

A lot of places, I’ll get back to you eventually🙂