Is it normal that i feel nothing towards a suicide but grieve for one affected

82% Normal
9 Comments

I heard tonight the sad news that a friend of a friend committed suicide. I met her once or twice, she was a good looking girl, radiant, the type you'd never suspect was weighing heavy matters of their own existence on their mind.

Well I know her brother, but not well. He comes into my work and I serve him, he's a nice guy, laid back.
And the thing is, I feel nothing about the girl's suicide at all, in fact I just think it's a goddamn waste.

But I am having so much trouble dealing with the sympathy I feel towards her brother, who I barely know. For many days now I feel overwhelming sadness, worry and concern about how he is dealing with it, whether he's okay. I barely know the guy, we are not in any form of contact apart from his infrequent visits to the store. I feel consumed by this overbearing want to fill the void of the suicide in his life. I find the greatest tragedy of suicide, is not always necessarily the suicide itself, but the effect the suicide has on those left behind.

Is it normal to not feel anything towards a death but so much towards the life left behind, one that belongs to a person I don't know so well?

Voting Results
82% Normal
Based on 49 votes (40 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • Anime7
    10 years ago

    It doesn't even sound you really knew the girl. So with that in mind, I think it's understandable that you don't really feel sad about it. Her brother however seems like a nice guy from how you've talked about him. I think this is kind of normal to feel sympathy for the brother, I mean his sister just died. God knows how much he probably loved her. From what you've seen of him you like, and you don't want to see that person change. By change I mean you don't want to see him depressed or go and do something stupid in order to escape the pain.

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  • RoseIsabella
    10 years ago

    Everyone grieves differently. Is it possible that you could be angry with her for throwing away her life but in denial about your own anger since you didn't know her very well and now will never get to know her anymore than you already did. It's okay to feel sad and grieve for what might have been. I think her brother, although you know him even less, is a figurative manifestation in your life of the pain her actions have caused others, yourself included. Perhaps in some way her brother is what's left of her and by having concern for his well being you honor her memory.

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  • SuperBenzid
    10 years ago

    Well I think you see suicide as a rational decision made by a sound mind that was selfish. So it isn't like you would feel bad for that person with that POV but feel bad for the victim.

    Yet I would put to you that suicide is most often the culmination of mental illness made by a suffering mind. Hence selfishness is ruled out by reasons of insanity.

    As to why the brother seems important to you now. I think that it is likely you are faced with issues of loss and mortality by someone you knew dying and without the emotional awareness of that you are projecting your feelings into care for an external person.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      You have a very acute perception thank you for your well articulated comment

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  • Terence_the_viking
    10 years ago

    Thats a tricky one.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Your feelings are selective, wow, not like everyone else or anything.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      nah but that's the thing. A guy I didn't even like committed suicide, jumped off a building. It weighed heavy on my mind for weeks, wishing that I'd quashed the beef with him. This girl was perfectly nice, good looking girl and yet I feel nothing towards her death. I don't think it's selective normally I grieve over death, I think everybody does.
      Ah well I'll never pretend to understand how my mind operates but good thing about this website is you can get solidarity from others.

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      • [Old Memory]
        10 years ago

        That is the perfect description of selective. Because you don't feel for people based on the normal ways in which someone would connect and feel loss. A person who is really good to someone is a person they'd be more likely to miss, yet it makes no impact on your judgement. That's selective, very much so.

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  • lufa
    10 years ago

    Well the person who's committed suicide is now gone and is not suffering-plus you didn't know her, so to an extent it makes sense not to feel sorry for her.

    But most definitely it is those left behind who truly suffer. So I can understand your sympathy for her brother.

    I agree it's always surprising and discouraging when the one who commits suicide seems to have so much to live for, on top of being attractive. Unless they leave a note behind only they truly know what lead them to that decision.

    For some people life can be hard and too much to deal with so they see suicide as a way out.

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