Is it normal that i feel miserable for leading a guy on?

85% Normal
13 Comments

I met a guy online, and we got along amazingly via texts. We texted for a month before finally meeting in person. He travelled from interstate to meet me for the first time and after meeting him in person I felt so guilty telling him that we weren't a match, I continued talking to him. Horrible, I know :(

He came back again after a couple of weeks, and after realising that there would be no future, ended it.

It has been 2 weeks, and I still feel miserable about leading him on. Is this normal?

Voting Results
85% Normal
Based on 40 votes (34 yes)
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Comments ( 13 )
  • seekelp
    9 years ago

    "I felt so guilty telling him that we weren't a match, I continued talking to him."

    Well, if you told him that you weren't a match and he was the one that decided to keep talking, that's on him then, isn't it?

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    • derpyderp
      9 years ago

      No, I think she meant she felt too guilty to tell him?

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      • iEatZombies_
        9 years ago

        She fudged. You are correct.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    Sometimes hurting somebody doesn't make you horrible, it sometimes is just the aftermath of choices that need to be made.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    wasting his time would have been worse , anyhow you learnt different for next time

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  • handsignals
    9 years ago

    Interstate! You could have at least givin him a BJ.

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  • derpyderp
    9 years ago

    So you hadn't seen pics of each other before meeting & he wasn't attractive to you?
    Or you just didn't have the spark that was there while texting?
    Just curious...

    Either way I suppose it's normal to feel a bit guilty when rejecting someone in any way.
    From the sounds of it you would have felt bad even if you told him right away

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      We did exchange photos prior to meeting, but he looked great in some, and not so great in others... And I couldn't see all the angles in photos :(

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      • LizardSkin
        9 years ago

        And here I was under the impression (based on popular theory) that women were all about what is on the inside. ;)

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      • derpyderp
        9 years ago

        Hey that's fair enough.
        Was just wondering...

        Honestly, getting shot down is part of life, for guys at least.
        It always fucking sucks at the time but he'll get over it eventually...

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  • dom180
    9 years ago

    To be honest, I don't think what you did was that "horrible". If I can decode your timeline correctly, the whole thing only lasted less than 2 months. You've hardly ruined his life. Sure this might have hurt him a little, but it's time to stop disproportionately punishing yourself. Everyone feels guilt. There's no sense in feeling guilty about feeling guilty.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Two months is correct. What makes me feel horrible is the thought of how long I would have waited before telling him it wasn't going to work, had he not ended it....

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      • dom180
        9 years ago

        Well, don't focus on that. Focus on what you will do differently next time. The choices you made in the past don't define who you are forever.

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