Is it normal that i feel like women really don't understand men.

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23 Comments

I feel like guys are told that we need to work harder to understand women's points of view. I used to be a feminist, oddly when I called myself that I was the most ignorant about what it meant. I still saw women as weak and needing protection, I was the white knight type who actually still thought less of women. I read a lot and learned better. More over I found that I related to a lot of the self esteem issues myself. However I solved my self esteem issues with different strategies simply because I'm a man. When I try and explain the way guys can think and be insecure and how this leads to them becoming all of those "bad guys" no one ever wants to hear it. I understand that it makes us hurt women emotionally but no one ever seems to care about what emotional trama gets us there. It's always just "you're an asshole" "you lack confidence" "that's your problem" "stay away from women". I'm not an abuser but I have friends who are, they're such sad people who have problems that come from early developmental stress. No one wants to learn how to prevent this for young guys. Where is the mens self esteem advocacy? We get hurt, we just don't cry after the first time we get shamed for it, instead just we get angry and defensive.

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67% Normal
Based on 27 votes (18 yes)
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Comments ( 23 )
  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    Yeah. We've spent all this time of "Men don't understand women" without ever paying attention to how women do not understand men that men end up knowing more about women than the reverse because it's paid attention to.

    I don't believe women understand men as much as men understand women and the fact that it would be too anti-PC to state is one of my reasonings as to why I don't think that'll change any time soon.

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    • Splithead
      9 years ago

      Wow. It doez. I've never heard anyone else say that before. Whenever I hear something close its usually full of a ton if woman hate... so even when I say something neutral like this it goes over badly. Why doesnt anyone think it's important to at least try to understand guys?

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    • NeuroNeptunian
      9 years ago

      This. In my experience, it's because women see men as incredibly simple and think that men should be listeners without being receptive to communication themselves. Men just take more time to get comfortable with someone before opening up but when they do, they always have some worry or feeling that I can relate to. I think maybe it's because we are both humans but I'm not sure. A lot of women just assume that men are barely emotional and hyper-sexual beings where most men I know would get legit upset if I were to just bang them and leave like nothing happened. So maybe they do have feelings and complexities?

      I'll let you know when I've calculated the results from that experiment.

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      • Splithead
        9 years ago

        This is exactly what I'm saying. In believing that though women are just doing exactly what men used to do, steriotyping the whole gender as having the same weaknesses and strengths.... and in doing that it perpetuates that we should stick to those same areas.... thus sort of making rhe narritive true. Its nice to see that some ladies are thinking about this.

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  • thegypsysailor
    9 years ago

    Women are from Venus, men are from Mars. What do you expect? I'm probably 3 times your age and have come to understand women a bit, but the difference between men and women is every bit as vexing as the difference between the inscrutable Asian and the English gentleman of the 17th century.

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  • CreamPuffs
    7 years ago

    Welcome to humanity, where nobody understands each other which is what causes a lot of gender vs gender conflict. I think I know men's point of view pretty well, but if you'd like to explain it further with me I'd be willing to listen. Also, abuse is never excusable.

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  • 53739
    8 years ago

    I feel this way as well, most advertising is directed towards men, and generally men control the media, so they offer advice on how to understand women better but women's point of view is more rare to come across.

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    • Splithead
      8 years ago

      Not quite. Why would men in control spend their time dressing down other men. It's because there is not imperious for women to better understand men. Men may control things but we also pander to women. We are very suceptible to being controlled in roundabout ways.

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  • joolia03
    9 years ago

    Idk but I really try to understand guys especially the ones I'm involved with. I'm so patient with them and give them chances because I know what a woman's mind can do. It will probably ruin something that could've been great all because she couldn't understand that what he didn't do for her wasn't personal, they were just his flaws as a person. I'm dealing with my guy's "issues" but I'll admit, I am torn about whether it's just him or again, he's just another asshwhole using me. But I've been dealing with this for a really long time all cause I'm trying to be patient with him and UNDERSTAND it's just part of who he is and he isn't doing those things to hurt me. But my patience is running out.

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    • Splithead
      9 years ago

      You need to say very directly that your trying to understand him, that you're running out of steam though. Tell him that he needs to be honest about whats going on with him and making him act this way. Tell him you dont care about the gender role bullshit and you won't judge him but that this is his last chance to be honest and come out about whats bothering him because it's getting to be too much for you. Tell him you'll never speak about his issues no mater what happens between you twon. Offer him a chance to talk free of judgement. Belive it or not, as much as women fear violence from men, men fear being shamed by women. Are they physically equal things in any way, no. Violence is much worse, but faced with the set of things that a woman can do to a man, this is the utmost fear. Consider that when heis being stoic, but also know that he has to overcome that fear or it can't work.

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      • joolia03
        9 years ago

        Yeah I don't want to make him feel bad when he's doing everything he's got to make me happy but it just sucks how he is like that according to him. I also don't want to keep bothering him about it cause I have brought it up and it just seems like each time we said "lets stop" and eventually come back to each other, well actually he comes back to me so that probably says something. I don't want to chase him away so you know I have come to understand where he is coming from so what I am doing now on my own is preparing for the worse and that's him lying to me and betraying me. When you love hard, its going to hurt hard. I'll know that I never gave up on us or him so I won't feel regretful like it was my fault. I'm trusting him and I have good judgement so I know for sure when I shouldn't trust someone. I know he has a good heart, but just in case, I'm just preparing myself.

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        • Splithead
          9 years ago

          Thats good and bad. Good that you give him the freedom but bad that you expect him to fail. Do what your doing but dont tilt to the side of expecting the worst too much. Don't mentally act like hes already cheated in order to not feel the real blow when it comes. It will close you off to him and possibly even drive you to makebad decisions. The fact tht he does come back to you says a lot, but keep in mind that if he notices you never seem to come back to him, he may feel weak too. He may at one point hold back to see if youd do the same for him. Im NJ ot saying never or always give in... im saying maintain a balance. If you see him activrly working to make you happy, he still loves you

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          • joolia03
            9 years ago

            Ya I do whatever I feel like doing even if I think it'll make me look desperate or bad. That's why I said I won't feel that bad if he does let me down because I've done everything I can and want to no matter what. So like you said, if I haven't heard from him, regardless if its cause he's testing me or he just doesn't care, I'm going to contact him cause I want to. So I basically just put my whole effort into us and its hard to sometimes try to understand if he just doesn't appreciate how much I like him or if its like what we've been saying that's just who he is or he might be insecure.

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  • notta_brat
    9 years ago

    i agree with you totally

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  • LAR23
    9 years ago

    Women aren't going to find sympathy for men who make them feel creeped out or threatened, they're going to avoid them and be wary of that type of person

    whether its justified or not, women are generally going to take a defensive, self-preserving stance. I think they have the capacity to understand men but are disillusioned with them.

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    • Splithead
      9 years ago

      But where will we be if men eventually take this stance as well.... I honestly think this is whats happening. Theres a breakdown in gendered communication and we're fixing it yes.... but only from one side, which is in some ways exacerbating the problem.

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  • dom180
    9 years ago

    This is such a horrible stereotype. Women have just as much potential to be abusers as men, and suffer from those exact same abusive logic which you associate with men. It isn't "how men think" or "men's issues", and you are *not* sticking up for men in this post. You are sticking up for abusers.

    Frankly, I don't care if male or female abusers have a terrible past. They have a responsibility to seek help and break the cycle. Their past never diminishes that responsibility, or makes their abuse any less sickening. I understand that seeking help isn't easy, and help should be offered to them at every turn, but they have to take the step.

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    • Splithead
      9 years ago

      Im not sticking up for abusers I just haooen to know a few. I don't let them date my feiends and I dont tel then that what they do is okay. Honestly that was the smallest part of my post. I'm not sticking up for anyone actually. I just want to know if women actually try to understand men. When women are hurt they don't always turn into abusers, I think guys do more often because it's oky for us, societally to resort to aggression. An emotionally damaged man doesnt look sad like women often do, we look angry. With that in mind, what is your stance or opinion on everything else I said?

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      • dom180
        9 years ago

        I don't think I was focusing unduly on an insignificant detail. You whole post was about that kind of person, even if you only actually used the word "abuser" once.

        I don't have a great deal more to say. I think it's big generalisation to say that men get angry or violent when they face emotional trauma and women get tearful. There are far too many exceptions to that rule for me to give it any credence.

        Besides, I don't think that just because anger, violence and tears can all be responses to emotional stress they should be treated the same. Violent and manipulative responses to stress have powerful negative effects on other people, and should not be treated the same way as behaviours which don't.

        *Of course* I agree with male self-esteem advocacy, and *of course* I agree that men and women are just as susceptible to emotional stress, and *of course* I agree that men and women working to understand each other's position in society is a good thing. No reasonable person could disagree with that. What I disagree with - very strongly - is how you place these reasonable statements as part of a greater construct which appeases abusers/manipulators/general relationship meanies (which I have explained is neither helpful nor justified by your explanation).

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        • Splithead
          9 years ago

          Due to anger being the only acceptable emotion men can show, its what we retreat to and what we feel comfortable doing. You've never heard of sad men picking fighta at bars or being angry at home due to work stress. How about men putting in hours of aggression at the gym or being super aggressive at work when thier home life is falling appart. Can women do this too, of course but it's more accepted amd seen in men. When you read up on narcissist and manipulators a lot of the time youll see that they feel they need a support system or to feed off of the emotions of others. Either way they are craving emotional response and connection the way a woman is usually said to crave sex as a substitute for attention. Not saying that these are what always happen. I'm just saying the societal nugeing of males toward aggression makes these same emotional traumas manifest differently. Honestly my who post was decidedly not about abusers. It was about understanding that the children, young boys who may become stoic, unemotional, falsely confident, gym obsessed, machismo obsessed or yes even abusers are still suffering from the same emotional trauma at young ages and that if we focused as heavily on males self esteem as we now do with women we could probably eliminate a lot of these problems before these boys become men.

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  • ToxicCrayons
    9 years ago

    it's because you'll are cowards

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    • Meditated
      9 years ago

      your stuck on stupid. How can I be on A SEPERATE POST and find your spreading the same stupid 1 liners........
      get a life you FUCKBOI

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    • Splithead
      9 years ago

      Explain please. I am afraid of things, maybe they're the wrong things. What do you mean.

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