Is it normal that i don't see anything wrong about being the "second choice"?

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18 Comments

I am a guy. I have dated girls that were my second (or even further) choice, and I have been the second choice of others as well.

So... I don't really get why people make such a big deal about all this. For me it is quite obvious that you are probably not going to be the first choice of everyone you date. I think that a lot of great opportunities are lost just because some people (specially girls) are so obsessed about being "the one". For example, this girl I dated that was my second choice, actually ended up being my girlfriend for more than a year; and it was probably the best relationship I ever had.

I believe that people should be happy about getting the opportunity. Being in the "menu" is good enough I guess.

So... what do you think?

Voting Results
55% Normal
Based on 51 votes (28 yes)
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Comments ( 18 )
  • randomthoughts
    10 years ago

    That's a really great perspective and way to look at things however, I'm a girl and find it really hard being second best whether it's a relationship of friendship I just can't stand being second best because it makes me feel worthless.

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    • q25t
      10 years ago

      Maybe this helps?

      Before people start dating or getting to know each other better, you're really only seeing each other's front cover. You may not be the first choice immediately, but unless you're exactly the same in public as with trusted friends, that doesn't matter too much.

      I read quite a lot, and I've been regularly surprised when books with a mediocre synopsis and decent cover turn out to be my favorite books. It's the same thing with people.

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      • randomthoughts
        10 years ago

        yeah for sure, I really meant that it is hurtful when you know someone for a long time and they know you yet your are always their second or even third best.

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  • Karmasbitch
    10 years ago

    I agree with randomthoughts as well as q25t, I can see both points of view. I don't like knowing whether I'm second choice or not, I honestly wouldn't like it, but I can see how it's realistic to be second choice and its nothing personal. I have mixed feeling about it, but I mainly don't like it.

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  • Anime7
    10 years ago

    I've never been anybody's choice, but I can understand what you mean. To pretty much reiterate what you said, just be happy that you were considered by someone.

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  • handsignals
    10 years ago

    My first choice is Felicia Clover I'd be lucky if Samantha 38G went out with me.

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    • BloodRedAndTrue
      10 years ago

      your gross

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      • handsignals
        10 years ago

        Fuck off, those two honeys are totally hot.

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  • Grapist
    10 years ago

    Girls, women, hoes, bitches, aka the 4 four horsemen of the apocalypse

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  • dom180
    10 years ago

    I think the important thing isn't whether you are first/second/third/fourth... best, but whether you care about your partner as much as they care about you. It's the equality that counts. I'll try and explain:

    No-one likes giving out more care than they receive from someone; that feels like rejection. So if your partner is your first choice above everyone else in the world but your partner does not give the same top priority to you, that would feel terrible. But, in another situation, if you *both* said that there are other people you are also attracted to than each other it wouldn't feel so bad because there would still be equality between the two of you. That's the hypothesis, anyway.

    The same principle extents to comparing different types of relationship to your romantic relationship, like your family and your best friend. If both people in the romantic relationship have friends or family members that they value just as much or more, that is okay. But if only one person feels that way then tension and jealousy might start to creep in.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Whatever you say, number two.

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  • fullhouse
    10 years ago

    I am a guy n I really don't mind being a second or third choice for a girl. It's better if couples spend time n let their relationship evolve. We never know what we like untill we have it.
    I fell for this girl who was not very attractive n beautiful but eventually I started noticing her nose, nail, hair color(she colors them :)) n her chin. I am crazy for her n if you asked me if I would her a year back I'd say "no she's not my type' but now she turns me on like no other girl can..

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  • davesumba
    10 years ago

    And as far as being someone's second choice... yes, there is something very wrong with that. They are going to be thinking of their first choice and how much they want to be with them, and they would leave you the second their first choice opened up.

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  • davesumba
    10 years ago

    LAUGHING MY ASS OFF. Girls are NOT focused on finding the one. They are just looking to have fun, and they must at least one guy to give them attention at all times, and it really doesn't matter who that guy is. In a lot of cases, they'll just take the first guy to express interest in them.

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    • charli.m
      10 years ago

      I can't imagine why you're single...

      While some are like that, not all of us are. I certainly am not, nor are my friends.

      Just because some men are pricks, doesn't mean I generalise that all men are. I know many amazing men.

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      • davesumba
        10 years ago

        I'm single because I have no interest in trying to find a second-rate relationship that is inevitably going to fail and reak havoc on my emotions. I'd rather just make friends, and if something happens, it happens. I have never met a single girl that I was interested in, and have never flirted with a girl in my life. Yet somehow I managed to have 2 girl friends, because when girls get to know me as friends, they see how genuine and nice of a guy I am. But unfortunately, I let them talk me into having a relationship with them, which ended up being mistakes.

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        • charli.m
          10 years ago

          So two girls turning out to be bitches means you spew vitriol about all women.

          Healthy.

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          • davesumba
            10 years ago

            I spew vitriol about all women from my experiences with all the women I have ever encountered. Not just my ex. I can count the number of good, nice girls I've ever met on my fingers. I'm not saying they aren't out there, I just give advice based on my own personal experience. (but I also live in America, where the worst of the worst hearted people live, I'm sure women are fine and dandy in Australia)

            And for the record, the vitriol I spewed on this post wasn't even about my exes, it was about all the other girls I see, and related to this post. When people post about women, I don't automatically have some vitriol to spew. I read the story, and if it sounds to me like the girl is a bitch, then I state that out right. I'm not saying that all girls are bitches, and that means this one is too, I'm saying in these particular cases, the girls are bitches.

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