Is it normal that i do not like my boyfriend's cat?

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9 Comments

I need help! I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, and we are thinking about moving in with each other. I love him so much, and I am so excited for this next step in our lives, but I am concerned about his cat.
First, I am very allergic to cats. I get horrible allergies, and break out in severe rashes. It doesn't matter if I stay away from the cat, I just break out from sitting on his couch or bed because of the cat dander everywhere. I've tried so many allergy pills, both over the counter and prescription strength and nothing is helping. To counter this my boyfriend allows me to close the bedroom door at night, but I am still in contact with cat dander and it's causing rashes and hives, when I am there once per week.
Now this brings me to the next issue, which is behavioral issues. The cat is so obsessed with him that she freaks out anytime he's not in her sight. To stop her from climbing all over me at night, we've closed the door to sleep and she meows and scratches all night long at the door, I cannot remember the last time I've gotten a full nights sleep at his place, I can't even imagine moving in with him. If he leaves the room for two seconds she starts screaming, like if he goes down in the basement, outside, or even just to the bathroom. Next, the cat poops outside of the litter box every single day. I am serious, it is every day. And she has horrible diarrhea poop, which makes it so much worse.. we have done everything to see if she has a medical issue, but she does not, it's just how she is I guess. We've tried everything to see if it is a sign she's trying to tell us but it cannot be. We've added 4 litter boxes! (for ONE cat!) changed litter types, changed cat food, anything you can think of we have tried. I honestly believe she does it out of spite, when he leaves to go to work. She poops on the carpet right next to the box every single day, on furniture, and on beds TWICE! Any time he leaves too long or ignores her too long she does this. And the problem is he does not discipline her at all. When I am there I tell her to get off counters and tables and such because it is gross, that is where we cook and eat. And he sits there and baby's her when I yell at her to get down, so she's not learning at all. She's also a super long haired cat, so the fur is literally everywhere, sometimes it will even be on dishes he gives me, and it's just grossing me out. She also chews any cord she finds, so I have lost multiple cords for phones, computers, etc. I just don't understand why she is so bad, I've never heard of a cat acting so badly!
I just feel bad asking him to get rid of her, or finding her a new home if he wants to move in with me or have a future with me, but I don't know if I could deal with a cat pooping on the carpet every single day of my life and not being able to sleep., and the horrible allergic reactions I am getting just from being there once a week now!
Would it be wrong for me to ask him to get rid of her?
Should I not move in with him?
Should I suggest finding her a new home he could visit?

Has anyone else had this problem, and if so what did you do?

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Based on 20 votes (12 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • Tealights
    7 years ago

    I agree with Kane. The cat sounds like it has separation anxiety, and very territorial.

    Anyway, this is a tough situation. If your boyfriend had that cat for years, it wouldn't be right to get rid of his friend. However, the allergic reactions aren't fair to you.

    The only option I can advise is that your boyfriend start working extremely hard to keep that apartment spotless if he wants to keep his cat and you. I mean he needs to vacuum twice a day, have air filters in the bedroom and such (or keep windows open), dust 3 times a day, wash his clothes, and make sure the most cat hair you find in that apartment is on the cat itself. If your boyfriend can't do this, then it's either you or the cat.

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  • Fenrirr
    7 years ago

    if you're allergic to cats why did you date someone who has a cat?

    i suggest to keep trying allergy medicine, and to brush the cat everyday so it lessens the risk of cat fur everywhere. you can also see if you can only let the cat in some places, for example the bedroom is forbidden even if you're not sleeping and you can close the door so she can't get in and leave fur everywhere.

    also put the cat in another room or somewhere away from the bedroom and shut her in there for the night so she can't come to the bedroom door.

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  • Rusty-Rider
    7 years ago

    I think I would give him the "Me or the cat" ultimatum.
    You shouldn't have to live under those conditions.

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  • Sara0303
    7 years ago

    Id mix half a cup of antifreeze in its food. Piece of shit cat will be gone. I hate cats. Or bring it to a shelter and say you found a stray cat

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  • Jujudog
    7 years ago

    The cat does not have Separation Anxiety, the cat sees you as a direct competitor for your boyfriends affection, which is causing this bad behaviour.
    As to your allergy, you are in fact allergic to the protein found in the cat's hair and saliva. So there are proactive and reactive approaches, all which have been outlined above (medication / extreme cleaning of house etc). You have also made reference to alot of these things in your post, saying nothing works. Hmmm (that's a suspicious Hmmm) - its strange/convenient that nothing works at all, leaving only very extreme solutions.
    One thing is sure, cats are vindictive fuckers, and will go to far greater lengths to get the affection they crave than you will - like shitting on the floor for example.
    The fact that you are allergic to the cat, coupled with the fact that the cat basically has in it for you, does boil down to the uncomfortable ultimatum of you or the cat, which, shouldn't really be a contest in your boyfriend's eyes (unless you also miss the toilet bowl when doing Number 2?).
    Otherwise, just make the cat "disappear".

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  • Terence_the_viking
    7 years ago

    You crushed the poor cat with a giant wall of text.

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  • snowflake4m
    7 years ago

    Hi Jessnig,

    Yes, it is surprising but true that people often don't have allergies early in life but can develop them later on. I understand now that you weren't aware of the allergies being so severe.

    And yes, a lot of cats do seem "aloof" and uninterested in interacting with their owners, but just like people's personalities, it really depends on the cat :) Maine Coons and Ragdolls are both very affectionate types, and people refer to them as very dog-like in nature; they often follow their owners around like dogs and get upset when apart from their owners. I, myself, have a Ragdoll cat and it is true what they say... they are very affectionate and loyal, like dogs! This can be good or bad, as you've discovered lol. His cat, of course, may not be any particular breed, but there are so many different personalities with cats.

    I'm glad you weren't implying that you'd ask him to get rid of the cat outright; sorry if there was any misunderstanding on my part, it wasn't intentional :)

    It really does sound like the kitty is suffering from separation anxiety and stress, what with him being gone so many hours. I wish I had more advice for you, but it might be best that he speak with a vet about the separation anxiety and what can be done.

    You're very welcome for the advice, I wish you the best of luck and can understand how it has really gotten on your last nerve. I'm glad you came here seeking answers :)

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  • jessnig
    7 years ago

    Updates:
    1. I've owned cats when I was younger, but never had such severe allergies, I only have gotten them as I have gotten older.. so I was not aware they were so bad! Thus, I did not date him intentionally knowing I was this allergic to his cat lol. Also I've never owned cats, or had any friends or family who owned cats, that acted any way like this, so it is surprising to me how much she acts out/badly. Cats I have owned or have met at people's houses are always on their own and mind their own business for the most part.

    2. And don't get me wrong, I don't believe I'd have the nerve to out right ask him to just get rid of her! haha, I was just wondering if people have done so on their own. I thought the best outcome would be he give her to his parents to live or a close friend, somewhere he could visit. He's not home often so I didn't realize separation anxiety would be so bad... He works 10 hours days + goes to the gym afterwards for another 1-2 hours... so he's not there often.. I just thought it was odd.

    I don't know! But thanks a lot for the advice!! I was just feeling nervous about the whole situation.

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  • snowflake4m
    7 years ago

    I agree with the other posters: The cat has separation anxiety. Cats have feelings, too. I think it is wrong to ask him to get rid of his cat; both for the cat's sake and his. Cats form strong bonds with their owners (despite popular opinion that cats are "aloof") and owners form similarly strong bonds with their pets. Have you ever had a dog (or bunny, ferret, etc) that you dearly loved? How would you feel if your significant other asked you to get rid of your beloved pet because he hated it?

    I think, if there are that many problems in your relationship with your boyfriend's pet...you should consider not moving in with him. It isn't fair to him or his pet to ask that he give up his friend. After all, you knew you were allergic to cats when you entered the relationship. It's not the cat's fault, nor your boyfriend's fault. It's also not your fault that you see this cat as being destructive or "acting badly," but think about the long-term implications: you move in with your boyfriend and 1) start resenting the cat; 2) start resenting your boyfriend. Those are the only two things that will come of you moving in with him, as you already resent the cat.

    Just a note on the cat pooping in inappropriate places: This could be another sign of the separation anxiety, or it could be that the cat is stressed out. It could also be the cat has an underlying health issue. But again, it isn't the cat's fault. That said, I can understand your emotions. Please reconsider moving in with your boyfriend. Don't ask him to get rid of his beloved companion.

    As a last-ditch effort, you can always try a product like "Feliway" (you can buy it in your local pet shop or on amazon). It helps stressed-out cats feel calmer. It may help.

    But don't ask him to get rid of his cat. This would cause even more resentment between him and you. I'd also reconsider dating another cat lover :)

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