Is it normal that i choose asexuality because of complete incompatibility?

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10 Comments

Alright before I explain my post I need you to understand who I am and what I'm faced with. I am 21 years old, I was brought into the world with the challenges of AIDS, Cerebral Palsey, ADD as well as little to no self confidence when it comes to relationships of any kind.

People are terrified of AIDS. Fact number 1. Despite the fact that I've been on medication for literally the entirety of my life and I am constantly notified and tested to keep track of my viral load (I've been at undetectable for years). I'm still faced with that fact. Everyone with my condition is. We are forced to go through hoops with the simplest relationships because of that. Every parent of my childhood friends had to be notified in case I, like every child does, happen to get a scrape and bleed or something so they knew to take extra care, and in some cases that would cause us to be alienated and excluded. Of course things have improved over the years but there is still that fear, there will always be that fear. Having AIDS was not my fault, I was born with it, my mother had it and for my whole life I have to live with it.

I also have a neurological condition called Cerebral Palsey. Caused by minor brain damage during or shortly after birth. Only my motor skills are effected. Namely my walking. I am physically handicapped. My balance is compromised and I walk with crutches but for the most part I can get from point A to point B and use the shitter on my own. Having to deal with this particular condition really shaped me as a person. I'm very independent I don't take help from others with ease. It's made me very stubborn but also very self conscious. I've always wanted to walk normal, to not have to use special hand controls on my car, to not have eyes follow me wherever I go because of how I walk. And especially to not be constantly worried how I could possibly perform well having sex.

I have very low self confidence when it deals with relationships. I'm a good friend for the most part. Loyal, I try to be a good listener and give good advice but anything beyond that I have no experience. I'm not attractive, and I'm slightly overweight due to my reluctance to socialize and the difficulties that come with heavy exorcize. I've never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend. No one's ever confessed anything to me and I've never had the guts to confess anything to anyone else. Hell I don't even start conversations most the time, I just respond to them and make jokes sometimes. I have kissed once experimentally back when I was a kid but it wasn't anything serious and I've never had another opportunity to do it again. I've always been good at convincing myself I don't need any of it. That It's better to live for myself and not for some asshole that's likely to screw me over, but I know due to excessive bitterness over the whole thing that I do sort of want it. If anything just a romantic connection, nothing sexual. I'd be happy with something normal and imperfect where we argue and then spend a night together watching movies or some-shit. Playing video games.

My solution to all this has been to declare myself asexual. I'm not a sexual person to begin with and I don't care all that much for it. I would be happy just to have someone to chill with and show my love for with cheesy romantic shit and art and casual stuff like chilling for the evening with a bottle of wine, but I'm not a moron. Most people out there rely on sex like it's the glue that keeps chaos from falling down and having issues like mine are a complete deal breaker.

I know this post is likely to get shat on so I don't expect to leave this up for long.

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60% Normal
Based on 48 votes (29 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • jeebley
    10 years ago

    Like you say, for a lot of people issues like yours would be a deal breaker; it's true. But also there are a tonne of people out there who would be really happy to be in a relationship with you.
    It sounds like the difficulties you've faced have made you a pretty strong minded person; which is a very attractive quality.
    And also calling yourself asexual may just be a means to simplify or ignore things that you actually do want? So I don't know if you really need to do that. But either way, I think it's a matter of boosting your self esteem and finding someone to form a relationship with - and don't think/worry about it too much. Easier said than done, I admit.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    If I got to really know someone and I was attracted to them and i really loved who they were then HIV/AIDS would not be a deal breaker for me. If someone is actively taking all their medications for it and you wear a condom correctly every time you have sex then the risk of contracting HIV is almost 0.

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  • Riddler
    8 years ago

    Wow, you really got unlucky didn't you? This makes me feel say bad. Aids is one of the most terrible diseases and you were born with it. Like one of the above posters said most of this stuff does not sound like its your fault you have it. I have a solution. Why dont you just find someone else who already has aids? If you are both already infected its probably less of a big deal to them.

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    10 years ago

    So basically I have little chance of finding someone. Thank you for clarifying that fact, all of you. And I shouldn't claim asexuality. Right. I should go back to being the worlds number 1 least compatible person to be with. The one that no one wants ever. It sucks that even the people who want to help fear AIDS so much that they comment congratulating me on not having sex with anyone. That they'd focus on the one insignificant problem the problem that I'm slightly overweight and say "go work out". Thank you for clarifying that even you guys wouldn't take someone with so many brilliant ideas, so many hopes, and with such a good heart because of shit that I can't even control. I appreciate that it's very comforting. Thank you.

    None of you even slightly understand the shit that I had to go through in my life. My mother died of AIDS and Diabetes when I was 4 years old. I was raised in and adopted family and all through my childhood had to explain why none of my family members looked like me and why I walked with this metal fucking frame around me. "Why can't you walk straight?" They said because Kids are so unguarded in what they say. I'm stuck with believing that every friend I had growing up was only my friend because they felt bad. These where the people that held the door open for me because I looked like I was having a little trouble. For a while I avoided even making eye contact because I thought they would immediately assume I needed help. I forced myself to become independence to the point where I won't ask for help anymore. I can't become a burden. When I graduated and became an adult my parents came to me to explain finances with me and I discovered exactly how much of a burden I really was on my family. The cost of my medication and the complexities of my insurances was enough to put me into a deep and crippling depression if i didn't already have one before then. Now I wonder why I even fucking bother now that i realize that everything I thought since I learned about my AIDS the first time is true. Since I understood why I walk so fucked up. There isn't anyone out there for me. Anything else is just patronizing torture. Pointless groundless hope.

    From now on I'm living only for myself and for what directly makes me happy. That way when I die I can say I've done these things. Everyone else can just fuck themselves and fuck their shallow empty lives.

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    • [Old Memory]
      10 years ago

      I can understand being incompatible with humans and wanting to be asexual, although my reasons are different from yours.
      I do find sex and relationships overrated but I am not fully asexual. I am more fed up with those things and feel it's not usually worth the effort.
      I think most people are afraid to have sex with someone with aids because they are scared they will get it.
      I do not know a whole lot about how the medication works, but I'm going to guess it makes it so it does not transfer to other people in sex, correct me if I'm wrong. Most people are not very educated about medical conditions. While some people are judgemental about people with disabilities, there are many people who are not, but I don't think there is much I can tell you that you don't already know. I agree you should do what makes you happy with life.

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  • Barbarella
    10 years ago

    At least masturbate. It's not good to inhibit yourself.

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  • KeddersPrincess
    10 years ago

    I'm glad you choose not to have sex knowing that you have AIDS (I wish everyone would do that) but you can't choose asexuality. It isn't a choice kind of like being homosexual or heterosexual isn't a choice. You are born with it. What you are choosing is celibacy which is when you decide not to have sex for ever the reason may be. Asexuals aren't just choosing not to have sex (some of them actually participate in sexual activity) they just have no sexual attraction where as a celibate person makes the decision not to have sex even though they may still feel sexual attraction.

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  • (s)aint
    10 years ago

    Wow. A lot of this is not your fault, nor something that you could ever change. Maybe it would help your self-esteem some if you tried to work out as someone else said too? I can imagine that it would be easier for you to walk around if you were stronger maybe?

    Other than this all I can really say would try to find something to "Get you out there" Just once a week or something, maybe an art-class? Anything that could get you to meet people.

    Maybe even try to connect with others that also have HIV/AIDS? There ought to be places (on-line or in real life) for you to connect with.

    The fear of AIDS is still very real and I would personally not get involved with someone whom I knew had it (Other than friendship that is!)

    I understand that you want to declare yourself an asexual but maybe that would even scare someone off! You should instead explain that you don't care much about it and that you really are more interested in cuddling and being together with the one that you like.

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  • anti-hero
    10 years ago

    Do you have AIDS, or HIV?

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  • Shackleford96
    10 years ago

    You should try working out. Go to the gym and people will admire you for your effort. You will enjoy it once you start doing it consistently and it really helps with self-esteem. Once you start feeling better about yourself, socializing with others becomes easier as well. Once you get better at that you can start trying to form new relationships with women as well. Just try being friendly to them :)

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