Is it normal that i cheated with my best friend and would consider it again?

Its probably not normal.

A few days ago I got drunk at a party and slept with my best friend. She and I have known each other for several years, and she is currently dating a good friend of mine. We talk to each other all of the time, get drunk a lot, and generally share a fun and meaningful friendship.

She came to the party already intoxicated, and brought me outside where we - without much conversation or deliberation - began making out. That has happened once or twice before in the past, but only in a more experimental sense. It never went anywhere and only lasted a few seconds. I really respect her boyfriend, he would be hurt and jealous to find out about something like this. Regardless, we went back to her apartment and proceeded to have sex, saying and doing a lot of things that seem very strange when repeated in my head.

We returned to the party a few hours later and she went back to her boyfriend; both of us agreeing that not a soul would find out about what happened. If he found out, their relationship as well as my friendship with him would be demolished. I don't think realistically she and I could or should be together. Therein lies the issue: as disgusting and horrible as it makes me feel, ever since the first time we sloppily kissed I have realized that I have an attraction to her, and she to me.

If we were both separate from the situation, I would probably do it again in a heartbeat. I am attracted to novelty and newness. Having this encounter felt like fulfillment. It was intense, we were doing something wrong, and in the moment I liked it. I can't be sure how much of what we were saying and doing was just alcohol, but she liked it too.

I could never tell her boyfriend, never allow myself to cause their relationship to break apart because I know it is a major source of stability for him. The feelings I experience when I think about this event aren't all guilty ones, and they're not very focused on how he feels, but I still feel very bad. I feel as if I have gone against my own ideals, and gravely disrespected my friend.

Why, then, do I feel like I would do it again? Is it normal...?