Is it normal that i avoid my childhood friends because i had a bad childhood?

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19 Comments

I recently started avoiding my friends and I feel terrible about it. I was abused when I was a kid and had trouble at school. I love my friends I just feel better when I'm not around them, It's almost a freeing feeling. When I think about them I feel so guilty for not talking to them for so long, It's almost been a year. So is it normal that I don't talk to my friends because they remind me of everything bad about my past?

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90% Normal
Based on 61 votes (55 yes)
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Comments ( 19 )
  • flowergirl87
    10 years ago

    Oh dear, that must be hard. You've made an association, I guess. Gradually you could learn to disassociate and spend time with those friends again if that's what you want. Do they know about the difficulties you faced as a kid? If so, perhaps being honest with them would be a good option. If you say to them that you've been wanting to spend time with them but it's been hard because of the bad memories etc. Hopefully they will be understanding? Obviously it involves being very honest and if they're reasonable and intelligent people then they shouldn't take it personally. Make clear that it was never anything personal. We often drift apart from childhood friends, but if there are some that you'd regret completely losing contact with, take steps to reconnect. All you'd be doing was kind of going back for something good, it in no way means you'd be returning to the pain you experienced at that time. I l know how it feels to want to break away from everything from a certain time. But don't leave something behind if you'll regret it. Good luck, I hope you can work this out.

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  • handsignals
    10 years ago

    That's cool make some new friends.

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  • BlueJeansWhiteShirt
    10 years ago

    Of course it's normal and okay. If you have had a bad childhood, sometimes it's best to disassociate yourself with everything that was around that time. It helps you move on better.
    Find some new friends for your new stage in life. We all have different friends at different stages of our lives.

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  • Terence_the_viking
    10 years ago

    If you had bad potatoes you throw them out and get new potatoes.

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  • Mark92
    10 years ago

    I had a wonderful childhood and still keep in touch with my childhood friends over the Internet. When I was 14 my my family and I moved away and I had a terrible teenhood in my new place. I had no real friends at high school, all of them used me for my money. They tried to make me do drugs with them and dropped out of high school because of their poor grades, while I joined a very good College indeed and now once again have real friends. But my girl friend ditched me sometimes ago and I am still sad about it!

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  • amaterasu
    10 years ago

    It is quite normal. I have been on the other side many times... I had friends that I helped go through the hardest moments on their lives that then left me behind when they got better.

    There are just certain people that are suited for certain moments in life. People come and go, start and end friendships all the time. As long as there isn't resentfulness in between, there is nothing wrong.

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  • ygrowup
    10 years ago

    Yes very normal, this is how many put the past behind them and move on to a new life!

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  • Anime7
    10 years ago

    You can't put that sort of thing on them. They're your friends, not the people that abused you. Plus, if you keep on avoiding them, I doubt that they'll even consider you a friend. I think you should work on getting over the past, it's not suppose to define and what's in the past is, well, in the past. Move on with your life and try focusing on the type of the person that you want to become, not the type of person that you feel like you have to become.

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    • Ipooprainbows
      10 years ago

      I slightly disagree with ya. You see I have a perfect example I can share with you from personal experience...my mother was abused when she was a child ( I wont say what type of abuse) but because of this all the siblings in the family went their own way. And whether they realise this or not it's because subconsciously it brings up undealt issues, though if they had dealt with their issues my mums siblings wouldn't arouse any negative when being around them feelings since they did not take apart in any of the actions. So in the OP's case I don't blame them since it is similar to my mother's story just it is not siblings but friends. Also someone can't move on and forget everything if it was very traumatic, the person MUST deal with the issues otherwise they can never truly move on and live a happy life. The past can only be the past once faced meticulously

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      • Saycheese
        10 years ago

        You may believe that because it was your mother; which you love her dearly. But EVERY human being can move on from their past. Some of course it will take a lot more time depending on how long they've held onto the pain. But I mean EVERY human being unless they actually had some sort of damage done and I mean physically that it causes mental issues.

        It's just a lot of people don't want to accept the pain and it only makes it worse. When you do accept the pain from the past that's when you can find the light at the end of darkness and it'll soon pass. No more worries or pain. "There is no point of worrying in life; it only causes issues." Of course you will never forget it but when you do think of it; it won't hurt as bad.

        I'm also saying this to the OP. I know it hurts looking to the past on why you feel that way around your friends but like so it hurts your relationships.

        That abuse was only their own pain of apathy back to you wanting to see someone hurt as bad as them. It was them using their emotions "wrongfully".

        When trying to get rid of this pain of course it can't be instant you do need to be patient but also it does help overcoming fear and make life much happier. But patience does come with it. :)

        Here is a few sites that can help too, plus a therapist can for sure help.

        http://www.wikihow.com/Cope-With-Emotional-Pain

        http://www.wikihow.com/Let-Go-of-Painful-Memories

        http://tinybuddha.com/blog/the-transformative-powers-of-pain-healing-from-abuse/

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        • Ipooprainbows
          10 years ago

          no that is not the only reason I believe that, I have seen it in another as well and heard of it many times before, also how is that a reason in the first place? All I am saying is that the OP does NOT need to feel guilt or blame themselves for abandoning or avoiding their friends as it seems they have unresolved issues, of coarse once these issues are dealt with then they can be around their friends without any pain bodies circulating.

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          • Saycheese
            10 years ago

            Ok, my apologizes on that I miss read it. When I had read it some reason sounded like you were saying that some can't get past their past.

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            • Ipooprainbows
              10 years ago

              that's ok, cause I certainly would never condone the fact that no one individual can move on. Thanks :)

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          • Ipooprainbows
            10 years ago

            and of coarse EVERY ONE or ANY ONE can move on, with time, patience and practice anyone can!

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        • Saycheese
          10 years ago

          One correction, I needed to put ANY instead of EVERY, it sounds much better and I believe is the correct way of saying it.

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      • Anime7
        10 years ago

        I'll admit that some traumatic childhood abuse isn't something that can be forgotten and moved on with. It does take time.

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      • [Old Memory]
        10 years ago

        That's sad.

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        • Ipooprainbows
          10 years ago

          yeah

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  • hitchman
    10 years ago

    Sik kunt

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