Is it normal that every day feels like a battle between sanity and insanity?

52% Normal
4 Comments

As the title suggest I have mental health issues but this is as much about them as it is about how I feel about them.
I don't know if people feel the same as I do but some days it's easy to cope and other days I feel like, when I'm at home alone, I am practically battling with myself to maintain a semblance of normality. I physically have to shake my head to get rid of things I feel like I shouldn't be thinking about, I'll find myself growling or wanting to shout at myself "shut up" even if I'm not saying anything. The thing is I don't feel like it's schizophrenia because the voices in my head are all me and not some other but the thoughts are just as unwarranted sometimes and invasive. The other thing is I feel like I'm just pretending because I've seen people with it so much more that I'm just emulating people around me, but at the same time it's become an involuntary response now to bad thoughts.
The thing is, I don't know which I'd prefer. I've always envied the insane because they are so free, they are just the conduit for that which is inside of them and they don't worry about what they are doing because they are just being themselves; but at the same time I can't physically embrace the insanity because I'm too used to trying to be sane. I don't know which I'd prefer, because so many people have grown attached to the me that is sane if I were to allow myself to start expressing my insanity I would lose everything, I don't even think my mum could bear to look me in the eyes any-more or if I'd even want to look her in the eyes.
Has anyone ever experienced or does anyone experience this? What am I to do because I cannot hurt these people by letting out this insanity but I feel like I'm tearing myself apart inside sometimes and I don't know what to do. Do I let myself be insane when I'm alone to preserve my sanity for when I'm not?

Voting Results
52% Normal
Based on 23 votes (12 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 4 )
  • w00040977
    9 years ago

    hmm I AM considered "crazy" and I would not consider myself "care free" at all!

    when I talk to myself it is basically because I am getting tired of keeping everything inside. people read my mind but if i try to talk to them about it they tell me it isn't true. and i too suffer from intrusive thoughts btw, and was just looking into what to do about the fact that I don't really care about anyone around me. sometimes I think i might but a mas majority of the time i feel a lot of hate inside of me. not sure why. I want to care about people, and feel badly that i don't, especially since they can read my mind and know everything i am thinking and feeling/doing ALL THE TIME. oh and btw I also tend to shake my head when i have certain extreme "bad" thoughts.

    I am not saying you are crazy like me though. I have schizo-affective disorder because people read my thoughts. if no one reads your thoughts, and you don't hear other peoples voices in your head than you are not crazy, maybe ocd or something.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Faceless
    9 years ago

    Haha! Look this is small potatoes. as they say. You are normal. Most of us do something involuntary when we think of an embarrassing thing we do in the past. Uh.. fuck it take the human test 1 to 3 courtesy of some guy zefrank https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMkTeHAorY8

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • RoseIsabella
    9 years ago

    Get yourself checked out by a mental health professional, insanity isn't what its cracked up to be.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Shrunk
    9 years ago

    Wow, this is pretty much how I've felt since childhood. Have you ever heard of "purely obsession OCD"? I'm not sure that's what it is, but it was the closest thing I could ever find. Feels like my brain has Tourette's, and it's actually been starting to "leak" where I will whisper sharply to myself "shutup" or something similar. Feels like my mind is in 3 parts: good, evil, and my true self. They're always yelling at each other in my head, and "evil" (intrusive thoughts) is the loudest.

    When you mentioned about your mom... Did you ever try to explain your problems with her? This sort of thing can be genetic, when I told my mom about it i was afraid she would think i was mental, but funny enough she actually said she had the same problem when she was younger.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0