Is it normal that drugs seem to be my only relief?

40% Normal
9 Comments

Some days I feel like a total sociopath. No empathy, little emotion, disconnection from everything and everybody. I used to have derealization symptoms where I would feel like everything is a big wonderfully dark orchestrated dream. I lost my job due to my.. Illness I guess you could say, but it's more like an endless idle anger that looks for a direction to be pointed in. So I'm sober. No pot, little alcohol. No synthetic shit because it cracks me up. Receptors in my brain don't take well to any opioid antagonists. I pretty much just use DXM cough syrup to get away from life these days. Is it normal for an empty person like myself to look to substance so desperately? Not here for judgement (even though there will be the stray person).

Voting Results
40% Normal
Based on 43 votes (17 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • Ddev7680
    9 years ago

    Job*

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    • xibalba
      8 years ago

      I use Dxm weekly for the same reasons. I've been on medication for bipolar and depression as well to little help. I also do it just to have some sort of feeling in my life. But I have had really good times before so I know I can find them again. Just try and be realistic and do something new even if you have to force yourself for the first while.

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  • Ddev7680
    9 years ago

    I am in no way like this by choice. I cannot engage in marijuana due to hub search struggles.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    I drank cough syrup before and I don't see how that would treat your symptoms because it is a highly dissociative substance.
    I recommend alcohol and weed over dxm.
    It's normal to use substances to forget about problems but they actually just make the problems grow.
    Find a constructive hobby and get out more.

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    • Ddev7680
      9 years ago

      I've worked two jobs, I produce music, I like photography, I have a dog. I don't have a horrible life. I just feel empty majority of the time. While I'm alone and and away from my girlfriend (one of the few people I actually connect with), I am in complete limbo. It does not treat my symptoms, it simply gets me fucked up out of my mind. Away from the world. The 'not-feeling'. The depression like emptiness. Minus the horrible outlook on life.

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      • [Old Memory]
        9 years ago

        If your looking for something to help symptoms you should try prescription drugs rather than street drugs. They're not for everybody and most people have to try a few to take ones that work and they take a while to kick in, but they worked great for me. Some people don't like them though but make sure you find a good clinic if you try them.

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        • Ddev7680
          9 years ago

          I've tried around 5 different prescriptions for depression. A couple for bipolar. 3 for anxiety (non-narcotic). They don't help like they are supposed to. Sometimes I wonder if I'm an addict. But I can abstain. I often find myself in a worse place after drug use and consciously know that it doesn't help. But pharmaceuticals and therapies feel like a happy face mask that doesn't truly change anything. I've come to accept it. But I hate it.

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          • Mr.Doe
            9 years ago

            You're not alone.

            I struggled with major depression as a teenager. I was put on medication to treat it but I didn't like the way it felt so I started experimenting with drugs. First marijuana (I continued to smoke this for years, however), then ecstasy and cocaine. I did that for a while, and although (oh my god!) it felt good for a short time, it almost destroyed me. Took a lot of my money and I lost a lot of weight (I was already skinny as it was). Anyway, I eventually recovered from the depression and stopped with the drugs. I went to college, graduated, got a job in my field and I'm in a relationship.

            Still though...

            I find it quite difficult to enjoy anything. I also feel empty all the time and I never feel pleasure anymore. I don't feel sad either but I'm not happy. The only thing that does make me happy are artificial (alcohol and pot - although I hardly ever smoke anymore). Just going through the motions...
            I have to pretend that I'm happy so my friends and family don't question it. It's hard for me to feel sad or sympathetic as well. Just numb.

            Life is okay now though. When I was into hard drugs, it was extreme highs and lows. Now its just nothing - pleasureless.

            Oh, the good old days, when I was a hedonist...

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          • [Old Memory]
            9 years ago

            Sounds like you have tried quite a few then. For me they don't get my high, it's actually a bit the opposite from getting high. It's like I'm high without them.
            Street drugs always do more harm than they do good in the end. Maybe you should try drug treatment therapy. Good luck.

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