Is it normal that a guy in this position would still want to be friends?

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I met this guy while I was studying overseas, I'm 35 and he's 53 (a conservative mainland chinese). We connected right from the beginning, chatting long hours, being extremely comfortable around each other, but at that time, we were truly just best friends.

Over time, we drew closer, and I noticed his body language changed; no personal space, prolonged eye contact, the usual one would associate with attraction. He would let me caress his shoulders and be in his space. At this point, I had already fallen for him.

Fast forward to now: I'm back in my home country but went over recently for a short trip. I told him then that I liked him. He explained his society would never accept him being with me, even only as a close platonic friend due to our difference in social standing, but he said he would speak to me more often on the phone if I missed him. But he never once hinted that he returned my feelings, and yet, also never rejected me saying he only sees me as a platonic friend. He only said cryptically that what I gave him was too precious for him.

Basically I feel like he left the conversation hanging. After I told him, the few days I had left during that trip, I was bolder, eg having my arm around his waist. He didn't pull away, neither did he reciprocate.

I know one of the key issues is that his society is alot more conservative than what I am used to but is it normal for a guy to just sit on the fence and not discuss which direction he would like the friendship to follow? Would he even still want to be friends, knowing I am very much into him and he most likely does not want a romantic relationship?

Incidentally, though he said he'll call, he hasn't, so I haven't had a chance to ask him further, and I'm not even sure if I should.

Voting Results
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Based on 12 votes (6 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    Could it be possible that he likes you just as much as you like him, but he doesn't see a real future between the two of you, so he is exercising some self-control and unwillingly pushing you away to save you both some pain in the end?

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    • Xuande
      12 years ago

      Possibly, but impossible to know since he hasn't said anything straightforwardly. Neither one of us are kids, sometimes I wish things could be discussed clearly, like where each person stands, what the boundaries are, where we see this friendship heading or even to break off contact. Do others actually these things or it's normal to carry on second guessing?

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  • lillypoppy
    12 years ago

    if he wanted to, he would have but you never know? if it really bothers you this much then just pour your heart out! at least you'll know and can go from there

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    • Xuande
      12 years ago

      I did tell him, 'cept I still don't know what he thinks. He's still being a friend, he offered to bring the relationship closer, but end of the day, he's hasn't really let me know what he feels.

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  • derker
    12 years ago

    No, I've never given anyone a reach around because I felt sorry for them at the time. Maybe afterwards, but then it's too late. Prison can be hell, but if you bring plenty of soap, reach arounds become an unnecessary thing of the past.

    Hope this helps.

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