Is it normal stuck in a relationship that not sure i want to break up?

25% Normal

I got stuck in a new relationship. I was trying to avoid anymore but I guess one came to me. This person wont take no and I broke up with them 3 times. I told them I don't want to but they just kind of pressured me into it.

I don't particularly mind being with them for the most part. I mean I like kissing them and other things but I think I like them more as a friend. Yet every time I try to break up they initiate it again the next time I visit. At the moment I do not have many friends so I guess my starting contact was a bit out of loneliness.

If I broke up I would not care if I stay I care less. Being with them is admittedly less stressful because of the physical contact. I often act very aloof with them and when they say sweet things I kind of shrug it off but they don't seem to notice.

We don't have many of the same interests. So is this a normal relationship? I guess I cant hurt them since they wouldn't understand if I tried doing something hurtful. As well as that my indifference is not something they ever seem to notice. So I guess that works with my current state of being.

Voting Results

25% Normal

Based on 55 votes (14 yes)

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Comments ( 32 )

NeuroNeptunian

10 years ago

I'm saying this from pure experience - stop speaking to him.

Yes, I also believed in the magical fantasy of being friends with your ex but some guys don't see it like that and your associating with him is causing him to believe that he still has a shot. You have to tell him it's over and keep away from him. He will eventually figure it out for himself.

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Creativeusername29

10 years ago

I think that he didn't really care about me but he thought I was pretty and didn't want to lose "a pretty girlfriend" sorry I know that sounds conceited but when I asked him why does he like me he said "because your pretty" !!! That made me really mad , he was trying to control us and didn't give a fuck that I did not want him so I had to be a huge bitch and be mean to him but he deserved it

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Creativeusername29

10 years ago

You should talk to this person on the phone and make it even more clear , tell them that you want to break up and he or she needs to face it and it is over! I had the same thing happen to me when I was in my teens , so frustrating .

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  Well did you ever understand what there problem was? Are they stupid or something? I never really faced this issue with any of my previous. Also the only reason I started seeing them again was cause right now I don't have very many friends. However it seems impossible to just have friends right now. Not sure why this is so hard to understand.
  
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ccjigsaw

10 years ago

I could tell from the title. Didn't even have to read your story. You should breakup. If you're feeling "stuck" let them go, cause seriously, it's your life. It's up to you how you spend it, and from that title, you're not spending it wisely.

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Maybeoneday

10 years ago

How long have you been dating? If it's a new relationship and they aren't listening to you when you ask to break up, it might be better to stop talking to them until they've moved on.
If they were a good friend before, try to explain to them you value the friendship more than the physical relationship.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  I have explained I wanted to be friends and its very new. Yet they are already saying "I love you. you are the apple of my eye. I would die for you" and I am like "For the love of god. We went on 3 dates you cant already say you would die for me. I don't understand how that is humanly possible." I was willing to go for this the first time but I am beginning to realize I just don't like this situation. I mean yeah I go along with it but I would rather just be left alone. Like 2 weeks. If I minus the gaps of time after I we broke up in between dates.
  
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  - Maybeoneday
    
    10 years ago
    
    Just two weeks!? That's really creepy..have you been friends for awhile for them to have such strong feelings for you? I could understand if it was a year dating them and to be in love but that just sounds obsessive.
    Yeah it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      10 years ago
      
      Yeah and its really irritating. I have had so many failed relationships so I been around the block a few times and I am so done with this bull shit. Well we were friends for 3 years with no attraction in fact I think they use to find me annoying.
      
      Than suddenly I didn't see them for a year and they suddenly call up and like "Hey are you single" and I said "Yes why?" and they said "we should go out" and I like "Sure I guess".
      
      Than after like 3 dates (a day each day) they act all head over heals "I would die for you" when they were not like this when we were friends.
      
      It was more normal when we were friends. Now its like "Your so cute, I love you, I would do anything for you" and I am just getting really annoyed. Like it was a sudden change in personality after we started dating and I just thinking "What the fuck happened"?
      
      So I am thinking I might go with the suggested solution and "Ignore" and save myself the trouble. I wanted a friend but that isn't happening so I give up.
      
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      - Maybeoneday
        
        10 years ago
        
        They sound like they might be insecure, you could just be the last person they felt comfortable with. Yeah, I had a hard time moving on from my ex until I deleted his number. Ignoring them is probably the only solution.
        For me at least all those feelings would come back when we would hangout in person, so a friendship wasnt possible.
        
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thegypsysailor

10 years ago

What's so hard about just staying away from this person? Wouldn't that solve the problem?
Seems like you are sending mixed signals and it's no wonder this person doesn't take you seriously.
If you want out, then get out and leave this person alone. What you are doing now is just plain cruel!

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  No this person was originally a friend. So I care about them as a friend. Are you implying you must sleep with every friend you have? I also explained this as well.
  
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[Old Memory]

10 years ago

Get a no contact order.

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dom180

10 years ago

Stop giving in. Stop thinking that it's wrong to hurt him; it's perfectly okay to hurt him if that's what it takes and hurting him should be encouraged. Be firm, overt, direct and harsh to him, and stop visiting him.

Finding some more friends might give you the support you need to do this.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  I cant hurt them. Anything I do they think is cute its fucking retarded.
  
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Creativeusername29

10 years ago

How did you tell that person you wanted to break up with him/her ?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  I said "I want to break up" and they said ok. However they acted like we were together the second and third time even though I kept saying "Its over". I am really annoyed since they say "I love you" and I kind of ignore it or say something sarcastic or uncaring.
  
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  - Duck_Says_Quack
    
    10 years ago
    
    You cannot ignore it or say something flippant to them. That's not fair for either of you.
    
    They obviously don't think you're serious when you tell them "It's over" and it's likely they think you're just being moody due to your reaction to them telling you they love you. They are getting mixed signals from you and it's no wonder they are confused about your intentions.
    
    When dealing with this person, short explanations are not going to work, they haven't been working for you so far. Instead, explain to this person you were in a relationship with the things you were able to explain here, to strangers. Give them the sincere details. It's the only way they'll understand. After explaining yourself, ask them if they have any questions and then address those misinterpretations they may still have. Make it crystal clear that, despite enjoying their company, there with never (stress the "never") be room for a relationship with them in your life.
    
    Ignoring this person will not work and is just an immature, not to mention cruel, way to deal with your problem.
    
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ifonlyuknew247

10 years ago

Stop getting your gratification out of using them for friendship and "messing around." If you stop the physical stuff, "they" will "get it", because otherwise it's called "mixed signals", "confusion", "leading on", and "being selfish."

I had a bf who told me he could never see me being "the one", and I was out as soon as he said that. He was like, wait, that doesn't mean we can't still "do stuff" and I was like, "actually, it does." Subsequently he begged and begged and begged for me to be in a relationship with him again. Ykw? Mostly because of the sex, which I made sure was epic and addictive.

People have no idea what they want.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  Wait so having friends is a bad thing? Here I thought being a lonely friendless hermit was unhealthy. Also I am not the one who keep trying to get back together. I made it clear we were "Broken up" every time.
  
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  - ifonlyuknew247
    
    10 years ago
    
    But did you make it clear with your...you-know-what? Sorry to be blunt, but if you keep doing things that people do not do who are "just friends" (which you are lying to yourself and her/him? if you think you are, yet are still being physical and intimate), s/he will think you are *not* "broken up" because of your actions.
    
    I have to assume you're male, because females usually equate sex with love, especially if they're desperate to keep a relationship - because that's they only way the guy will keep doing something with her that seems like they're still in a relationship.
    
    I think you know what mixed signals are, and whether or not you are sending them "everytime" you "come to visit" AFTER "breaking up."
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      10 years ago
      
      You said stop using them for friendship. Also I am not the one who wants to get back together every-time they are. I keep trying and its not working. Its worked before I don't understand why it backfired this time. Usually "We are done" means "We are done" but apparently they are too thick to understand it. I could be a total jerk to them too and they wont get it either. Also I said I wanted to break up the "RELATIONSHIP" not the "FRIENDSHIP". If that was not clear yet. I am surprised you believe friendship is a bad thing.
      
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      - ifonlyuknew247
        
        10 years ago
        
        Hmm...
        
        I'll try to make it clear, because you keep avoiding this particular part of my reasoning...
        
        Answer this question:
        
        ARE YOU HAVING SEXUAL OR PHYSICAL RELATIONS WITH YOUR "FRIEND"?
        
        If the answer is "Yes", you are leading them on and not making it clear to them you are broken up, regardless of whether or not you have "said" it or "made it clear."
        
        If the answer is "No", then I don't see the problem. Probably because the answer is "Yes." Is it not? You haven't denied it, you just keep not addressing that point.
        
        Before you reply to this, go back to the question I put in all caps. Again, you don't have to admit or restate it here, but only you know the truth. I'll rephrase it in another context: Do you do more than you do with, say, your friends of the same sex who you are not attracted to, but have a FRIENDSHIP with? If the answer to that is "Yes", that's the end of the flow chart.
        
        You want advice as to how to let them know it's over?
        
        STOP EFFING THEM. I know you probably don't want to hear that, but that's the truth.
        
        Maybe your question should be something like, how do you let them know the relationship is over but you still want to be friends while having benefits with them and not having them be attached? Is that what you really want to know?
        
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        J0hnQpubl1c
        
        10 years ago
        
        Ah, the sharp sword of wit, tempered with truth. You seem to have gotten to the bones of the matter.
        
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thegypsysailor

10 years ago

I'm implying nothing. You seemed to imply every time you two get together he wants a physical relationship and you can't say no.
I stand by my post if I have read yours right.

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- Duck_Says_Quack
  
  10 years ago
  
  You are older and more mature than most of the other users giving the OP advice.
  Your advice is probably the most difficult for the OP to understand since it's backwards to everything they've already been doing.
  
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  No I told them I didn't want to over and over they don't get it. We broke up 3 times. I am not the one coming on to them and I told them over and over "NO". I was trying to tolerate them since I thought maybe you know we could be friends but something is not clicking and I am not sure how to get it through to them.
  
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gorgeous

10 years ago

Lol..im really relate it so much...same to u my friend..for how many times I do that to my boyfriend...its useless to say ITS OVER,LETS BROKE UP...lol. If u say that again and again..maybe ur relationship getting more stronger..watch out...

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  Well how do you break it to someone who doesn't get it?
  
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  - gorgeous
    
    10 years ago
    
    Ignore him.....dont talk to him as well..
    
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gorgeous

10 years ago

lol....

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Shroot

10 years ago

Faggot

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Are You Normal?

Is it normal stuck in a relationship that not sure i want to break up?