Is it normal scared my bf watches porn!

68% Normal
15 Comments

Hello everyone, my boyfriend and I have been together over a year and a couple months ago I acidentally stumbled accross porn on a tab on his phone... I got really upset and he explained that he was only looking for ideas for things to do with me... He claimed that's the only time he's watched it during our relationship...
However I know how common it is for guys to watch porn and I know it shouldn't and wish it didn't hurt me but it does. The thought of him looking at sexier naked women makes me feel so so upset and like I'm not good enough or attractive enough for him :(
I've read about how common it is and now I'm worried he watches it behind my back which is making me really paranoid, I actually think it'd upset me less if he told me he watches it (if he does)
Please help, I don't know whether to speak to him about it or not?!!!
Thanks

Voting Results
68% Normal
Based on 19 votes (13 yes)
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Comments ( 15 )
  • JD777
    8 years ago

    Basic biology. Guys are visual - looking at porn stimulates them. Girls are imaginative - they're stimulated by reading steamy novels and articles and daydreaming about it. Telling him, or a new bf, they shouldn't look at porn is like the guy telling you that you shouldn't read steamy stuff.

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  • stopandthink
    8 years ago

    He watches it, sorry. Try talking to him about it, if he really likes you he'll at least try not to do what upsets you.

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    • Anon125690
      8 years ago

      Thanks, I hope so

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  • Ellenna
    8 years ago

    You don't know he's lying and if you don't stop obsessing about this you're going to wreck your relationship.

    Suggest you watch it together, you never know, you might like it

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  • thegypsysailor
    8 years ago

    Jealousy is an evil creature. It will ruin every relationship you will ever have.
    Almost every guy enjoys looking at women, on the web, at the mall or anywhere you go, just like most girls like looking at guys.
    If your boy friend goes home with you, it doesn't matter at all how many beautiful girls he dances with.
    Time to grow up sweetie.

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    • Anon125690
      8 years ago

      So why does he lie to me about it? Surely he's the one who needs to grow up and not lie to me? It's unfair on me to make me believe I'm living a fairytale if I'm not really... Don't you agree?

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      • howaminotmyself
        8 years ago

        He is lying because you have made it impossible to be truthful about it. It is no big deal and you have made it an issue and he knows you would theow a fit. To me, it sounds like he was trying to avoid that fit And got stuck in a lie trying to be something for you that he is not. And that is a guy who doesn't enjoy porn. just accept that he does and realize it is no reflection on you.

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      • VinnyB
        8 years ago

        I have to be honest, the way your post reads, I don't think lying is really what you are upset about. If he told you how much he watches, which is more than you think, you would be more upset not less, even if you don't realize that.

        It sounds like you are viewing the porn the way you might view him looking at a girl walking down the street. You just don't want him looking at other girls. He is a man, he is going to do both from time to time. But if he is wise he will do neither right in front of you. I normally don't advocate lying, but in this case, these are really things he should do behind your back out of respect to you, if that makes any sense.

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        • Anon125690
          8 years ago

          I should have probably mentioned that I have bpd and suffer from severe paranoia. I understand what you're saying but honestly it is the lying and fear of something being done behind my back that gets to me the most...
          It's also the fact that he looks and i dont, he's the only guy I fancy and whenever I look at anyone else they could never compare to him. I wish he thought that too, I feel like I'm so much more into him even tho he tells me that he loves me and I'm the one he could spend forever with...
          maybe a relationship just isn't right for me :'( which sucks because in every other aspect it's perfect, we never argue, only ever laugh and have a good time

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          • (s)aint
            8 years ago

            He lied about it to spare your feelings.
            I think you need to talk about this with him and explain that you are not fine with it but you want him to be honest about it.

            I can however relate to your feeling that you are more into him than he's into you. That has basically been the ongoing thing for me in every relationship that I've been in because I am so needy and possessive.

            The relationship might be right to you, but you need to work on yourself (And so do I) because even if you take the easy way out and dump him the same issue will occur with the next guy and the next.

            Most men watches porn just as a lot of women fantasize about things. Men just need that visual part of it all to enjoy their masturbation.

            Some people are like you, far too focused on their partner to even dream of appreciating someone elses beauty but to others it's just a natural part of life.
            It does not mean that he wishes to cheat or anything or that you are not good enough.

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            • Anon125690
              8 years ago

              Thank you so much! You're completely right xx

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      • thegypsysailor
        8 years ago

        If you box him in, you are forcing a confrontation he may not wish to have.
        If there is no trust in a relationship, there isn't really a relationship, no matter what you think. It seems you have probably made such a big deal out of something so insignificant that he's lying to you to protect your feelings, but it's too late as you no longer trust him.
        I guess this relationship was a good learning experience for you and hopefully you won't make the same mistakes in your next one.

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  • Fish1973m
    8 years ago

    Why don't you watch it with him? It can lead to all sorts of fun and games, I bet him seeing you naked next to him will turn him on more than naked pornstar, all men watch porn it's in our DNA , you can also learn a thing or 2 from it

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  • Voray
    8 years ago

    He watches it and there's nothing wrong with that. He just needs to be honest about it and you need to deal with your insecurities.

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  • NeofelisNebulosa
    8 years ago

    I don't get why couples get jealous when porn watching happens. I know several couples who watch porn both together and separately. Porn is not cheating, it's just a tool for sexual release. And you can learn new things from it! I am a firm believer in letting my partners watch porn. My last partner (female) refused to watch porn when I invited her to watch it with me, and she was freaked out when I told her I watched it. Needless to say we were not compatible and we broke up eventually.

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