Is it normal people find this weird?

I don't know. I've been so confused lately. My life is just too much for me, I would much rather stay at home in my bed and not notice anything for the next few days or weeks. But of course I can't, we all have to go to work. I drag myself there every day just to get nothing done. I think there's that spiral again, somewhere.

But people seem to perceive it very differently. Sure, they are probably not all in my head and read what I think, only Mother State and a few super rich futzis can afford it, who are bored at the moment, but somehow they are all weird to me.

They all tell me they don't know me anymore, they think I'm weird, I look so serious, they feel uncomfortable around me, I would cause them fear and worry. People who have no closer contact to me are often just very unfriendly and unfair to me and I don't know why. I would not be surprised if they simply wanted to show me that the earth does not need me, because I am no longer good for anything.

My swaying vertigo does not stop either. It becomes unpredictable. Sometimes it is there, then in less than three hours it is hardly noticeable again, then it rises again like a storm.
And in between there are all these people who stare at me like an alien, a foreign body that does not belong here. I don't know if there's something hanging on my face. It's actually the same as usual. I feel almost nothing, but somehow this behaviour hurts me.

I don't want to kill myself, I'm not that far gone, but I'm starting to give a shit. And all they do is make fun, be unfair or avoid me like the plague.