Is it normal or is it right to not give it your all even though u want to?

31% Normal

I just found out dat the guy I have been seeing isn't serious about me as much as I thought he was or as much as I have been with him. He'll do or say really cute things to me but apparently they don't mean much since he's not looking to make me his gf any time soon. But whatever, I'm pretty much over fighting for it but because I still want to talk to him, I told him to not expect the same girl as before, the one who would give it her all to you because now she knows where you guys stand and shes going to treat you like you treat her. Although I want to give him everything like my affection to his Christmas present, I don't think he deserves it and I don't think I am entitled to anyways since I'm not his gf and he doesn't see anything more than what we are. Is this normal? Is this okay? to basically suck it up and hold back some of myself although I want to give it my all? Even if I wasn't his gf, I still enjoyed and found pleasure in making him happy and doing things for him and I still do but now after our conversation, its clearer now that I should stop. Or should I continue to give it my all because deep down I want to and its thoughtful? I kind of just want to show him that if this is what he wants then fine, he'll get it and lets see if he likes it. If he doesn't like it, then it just shows he's only stayed with me because I have been acting like his gf even when I'm not.

Voting Results

31% Normal

Based on 16 votes (5 yes)

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Comments ( 5 )

(s)aint

9 years ago

For how long have you been seeing this person?
Do you know why he's hesitant to make a commitment?
The way I see it there's a difference between not wanting to commit because someone wants to be able to flirt and hook up with others and if said person is scared to get hurt.

This said it's an exhausting situation to be in ... I had a series of rough months and were close to break everything off.

We have now been together for a month (unofficial for 2-ish months maybe) and I'm currently extremely irked/sad over the fact that he's hesitant to put the relationship up on FB ( We have hung out since beginning of July)

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Since like January or February. I honestly don't think its cause he wants to hook up with girls. He's not like that. Instead, its because he wants to settle down with a good job first and a place to live, even tho he already has his own place but he might move depending on the job. So he doesnt want to add another responsibility such as a relationship on his plate. That's the reason he gives me. But after a lot of reading, supposedly its cause he also wants to be free to walk away any time and he doesn't want a relationship with ME.
  
  I'm trying to not pay attention to those last two cause I'm not getting that from him and itll just mess with my head and I'll ruin what we have when he was just being honest with the two reasons he gave me. At the end of the day, I don't want to find out I was being used. Hell treat me like his Gf but he doesn't want to give me the official title? Then when it comes down to little things, he brings up the fact that were not officially together so those little things shouldnt matter. Its like his way of having a relationship stress-free. I guess i could understand him. He's afraid if he does make it official, then he has no choice but to follow the rules. Basically, have another responsibility which he doesn't want.
  
  But yes it is exhausting cause u don't know where you stand and you wanna walk away but you can't cause idk bout you but I love this guy or else I would've left a long time ago. So if you see a future with him like I do with my dude, I'd say just be patient and try to communicate with him and where he's coming from. Don't be so nagging either,guys want to have good energy around them not drama. That's what I've been doing. We have the same sense of humor so I've used it when I wanna talk to him seriously. And it works. It makes the conversation lighter.
  
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  - (s)aint
    
    9 years ago
    
    There we go, didn't felt like I had the time to reply properly when I wasn't at my computer and writing long texts through my smartphone fucking sucks, haha.
    Anyway:
    Since january/February is a LONG time, I mean I had it like that with my guy for a couple of months and it was exhausting and heartbreaking not knowing.
    
    Me and my guy fixed our last issue now, or rather he understood that if he didn't accept my feelings He'd have a bad weekend, haha. So that last piece of the puzzle is done but sadly I nagged (I'm insecure and jealous in relationships and I do not want him appearing as single whilst together with me)
    
    But I say ... talk to him, I personally don't really get why people are so hesitant with relationships. I don't care about a relationship because of the title, if it fucks up it will hurt just as much if we are together officially or if we have just been dating for a year.
    
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WhiteStallion

9 years ago

You want him to give you the title that comes with showing such affections... This is understandable, you don't want to feel used or give too much without getting the same and it is said that a relationship is a give and take however instead of drawing back rather talk to him about it. If he doesn't feel the same stop wasting your time on this guy and move on. Some people do have commitment issues and I usually don't stick around to help them solve it.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Yeah I have talked to him and let him know I'm going to treat him with the same amount of effort like he treats me. And he was like stuttering like "um okay." I guess he didn't like it but that's what he needs to face. And now that Im actually doing it, I'm not texting him as much, telling him as many cute things, giving him stuff like his Christmas present which I'm still debating it, well see how much he likes it and wants to stay with me. I feel once he realizes I'm not the same girl who acted like his Gf without having the title, he's probably not gonna like it anymore and itll show who he really is
  
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal or is it right to not give it your all even though u want to?