Is it normal not to know how to have intercourse with a disabled person?

81% Normal

It shocks a lot of people when I tell them that I'm a 22 year old male who studys sports education, and also play for my uni basketball team.
And that I'm dating a really cute dude who's wheelchair bound (physically disabled).
I love him so much he's the nicest person I've met in my life and he's really down to earth, I feel like spending the rest of my life with him! (He's given me 2 and a half years of pure happiness)

Anyway I don't know how to go about sleeping with him, since I've never slept with a physically disabled person before.
Also let you know he's a virgin.

I know he can't feel his legs but I've never asked him if he can feel his penis or even get an erection.
I just don't want to offend him by asking him these questions.

He already finds it hard going out in public with me. People either mistaken me for a care taker or just a friend. Its only when we kiss people get the idea were boyfriends.

So is it normal to research about intercourse with a physically disabled person, before I even try to have sex with him, or am I just being too careful?

I appreciate any answer I just need some advice.

Voting Results

81% Normal

Based on 21 votes (17 yes)

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Comments ( 19 )

deepdankstickygoo

8 years ago

Two and a half years and you have not talked about how to be intimate because youre afraid to offend him? Thats a long time to go without blowing a load together. I hope this story is true. But you need to have "the talk" about doing the deed.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  I swear on my mothers life this is true.
  
  Well I've been taking it real slow with him. I really don't want to fuck up this relationship.
  Plus he's a virgin, so I don't think they'll rush into intercourse that fast.
  I've tried a few time to make a move but its never gone further to lead to sex, I think he's scared.
  
  Yeah maybe I should be straight up and just ask if he wants too. But I don't want to sound abrubt.
  
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  - deepdankstickygoo
    
    8 years ago
    
    2 and a half years together....I think the man will be understanding. You sound like a softy but that is okay. The softies balance out the assholes.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      8 years ago
      
      Haha thats not the first time I've been called that, but I take it as a compliment now.
      
      Yeah I feel now that maybe I'm just being too careful because he's wheelchair bound.
      
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      - deepdankstickygoo
        
        8 years ago
        
        You being too careful because he is in a wheelchair might even come across to him as insulting. He is wheelchair bound and already deals with enough in life. He just wants to be looked at as an equal and not some sensitive guy who cant do shit just because he is disabled. Be real with the guy. Take this shit up a notch. Tell him that you are horny and you have been thinking about his ass. Its the only way...
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        8 years ago
        
        Shit you're right, and that's why I worried about even asking, but I still manage to be offensive.
        
        Ha yeah I'll be straight up with him, but maybe not to forward, I don't want to scare him.
        
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Rusty-Rider

8 years ago

Why not just ask him?
You can't do anything without information.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  Yeah just gotta figure out a way to make the questions sound more 'normal'.
  Since he doesn't like talking about his disability.
  
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  - Ellenna
    
    8 years ago
    
    It isn't about his disability, it's about you being horny for him. You're seeing the disability more than you're seeing the person, which I would've thought you would've learned not to do in your training.
    
    Have a think about what you'd say or do if he didn't have the disability: as a virgin he's probably been waiting for 2 and a half years for you to make the first move. Come on, it sounds as if you have a good thing going there, don't blow it out of fear!
    
    By the way, if you want to watch some good raves by a woman with a disability (who unfortunately died a bit over a year ago) see if you can find Stella Young on youtube: she's very tough against being patronised
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      8 years ago
      
      Yeah I agree, my question does come off as a little patronising.
      But I never talk to him or see him like that, or I wouldn't be in love with him like I'am now, I treat him like any other person.
      I just want to be careful mostly because he's a virgin and I've had no experience with any one with a disability.
      I was just curious if there's any information out there I need to know.
      I'm sorry if anyone feels offended by my question I just wanted to know the right way to approach this.
      But I'm seeing now I can just go about it casualy.
      
      Ha of course I've made moves on him he's adorable, but its never gone further to sex. I see now that I just need to talk to him about it, instead of worrying about it.
      
      Yeah and I've heard of Stella Young my boyfriend told me about her. She's awesome.
      
      Me and my boyfriend can relate to this quote of hers: "Just because we are hanging out with a non-disabled person doesn't mean they are a carer. Disabled people have friends, partners, kids, parents, siblings and families just like everyone else."
      
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      - Ellenna
        
        8 years ago
        
        Just found the movie, it's called Scarlet Road, so I was nearly right! Definitely worth a look for both of you, especially the part where the wonderful mum arranges sex for her son, very moving and beautiful
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        8 years ago
        
        Thanks for the recommendation we'll check it out.
        
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      - Ellenna
        
        8 years ago
        
        I didn't think you were being patronising, just over cautious and I don't know why your question would offend anyone.
        
        Stella worked as a comedian as well as a disability activist: one story she told was of a stranger asking her on a tram if she had a vagina! I'd recommend taking a look on youtube.
        
        There's also an Australian movie about a sex worker who works with people with disabilities: I thought it was called Red Road, but can't find it on youtube right now. That would be worth a look, just for the attitudes and although it's about people with disabilities who've been wanting to have sex it would be a good one for you to watch together.
        
        I did a Disability Care course a few years back but never ended up working in that field after a heart attack: sexuality and people with disabilities was covered in the course and apparently workers in some residential units arrange it for clients who want it. However, only for MALE clients as far as I could work out and maybe not for gay ones either, so your boyfriend is lucky to have you!
        
        Good luck and would love to hear how it works out: not the details, just the successful outcome I'm sure you'll be able to achieve
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        8 years ago
        
        All went well.
        
        When we watched the film my boyfriend found it kind of sad, and wished the people with the disabilities in it, had partners to receive 'real' love.
        But it got us talking for a while about taboo topics on disabilities.
        
        That's when I asked him more about his disability, and turns out after his accident he still has some feeling 'down there'. However he can't get an erection from visual stimulus (seeing/imagining something that would turn him on), only from touch.
        
        Then I waited the next night to ask him, when he was feeling much more happier, if he wanted to have sex. He said yes, but he seemed really nervous and unsure of himself. But I helped him relax(took a while) then the deed was done!
        
        Now I feel even closer to him.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        8 years ago
        
        Wow that's crazy yeah I'll check her out again, I do enjoy her comedy.
        If people put themselves in other peoples shoes, I think the stares and stupid questions that disabled people get asked, would be less of a problem.
        
        Okay why not, that sounds like an interesting watch.
        
        Sorry to hear about your heart attack.
        That's good they're given the opportunity and that it also organised for them too.
        Ha I can say I'm lucky to have him.
        
        My mum has study a disability care course too along with teaching (science education). But I found it awkward talking to my mum about sex, she's Christian so she belevies those things should be done and talked about privitely (to your partner). But she loves my boyfriend, and I'm glad and wouldn't want anymore from her.
        
        Thank you.
        Yeah sure I'll post and let everyone know how it went. Hopefully it goes well.
        
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Leonard_Hatred

8 years ago

People that use wheelchairs are not "wheelchair bound".

They just happen to use a wheelchair as a mobility device. They don't live in their wheelchair.

Just as a person who drives a car is not vehicle bound.

To your question. Why don't you just talk about it with him?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  Oh okay, I only said it because he's used the term a few times. Maybe he was being sarcastic I don't know I can't pick up on sarcasim.
  I guess I'll just use the term disability for now on to avoid this error, thanks for the correction.
  
  Yeah from the replies I'm getting I see I just need to talk to him, I was the problem by worrying to much of what he'll think.
  
  I just really want this relationship to last forever.
  
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Is it normal not to know how to have intercourse with a disabled person?