Iin, my sister's relationship normal?

My sister, aged 19, has left my family to be with a man in his late 40's. He was her football coach since she was 11. He seemed like a really nice guy and took me and my sister and his son lots of places and we went to his alot and his family and my family were good friends. He bought us things and made a real effort with me and my sister and would take us places and tell us not to tell our parents. When she was 13 my mum got a huge phone bill for my sisters phone. It turns out she had been texting him all day every day, even during school and late at night and they were speaking on the phone for hours every day too when we thought she was in bed sleeping or during the day anytime. When we confronted her she said she was texting and calling his son but my mum didn't believe her so confronted her football coach and he said he was just trying to be a good friend and listen to her and didn't know how to let her down etc. So my mum didn't think anything bad was happening but told him not to contact my sister again and to quit the football team. We thought that was the end of it. When my sister was 16 she got a job as an intern at the same place he works. When she was 18 she told us she was pregnant. She's never had a boyfriend and never really went out anywhere but she told us it was a boy in university that didn't want anything to do with her or the baby. We always had our suspicions it was her ex football coach. A few weeks ago we found out that it was him and that she had been seeing him in secret the whole time and has a different phone she uses for him. He has been married for over 20years and has two children, both older than my sister. She believes he was always going to leave his family for her (even though we think he only left when he knew we knew he was the dad) and he loves her and the baby even though the baby is now 10months old and he has hardly seen him and not provided any money. My sister says she hates us and loves him and doesn't understand why we cannot accept it. My sister thinks they have a normal, healthy relationship, am i missing something or looking at this wrong? Basically is it a normal relationship?

Voting Results
10% Normal
Based on 281 votes (28 yes)
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Comments ( 25 )
  • standbyme555

    He's a such bastard who probably brainwashed her.

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  • Darkoil

    It is completely not normal. Steering an underage person towards a relationship is called grooming, it is considered a form of abuse although the act itself may not be illegal. He is beyond being prosecuted by the law and sadly there is nothing you can do about it.

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    • Ipooprainbows

      so bloomin true!

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  • nelly96

    No, it's not normal and I'm sorry to say it but hey, this site is about giving honest opinions right? Your sister is incredibly stupid and innocent. Though it's not her fault as he's groomed her from a young age, he sounds to me like a dirty old man who's not satisfied with the sex life his wife was providing. I have been in a similar predicament with the idiot girl being my friend and i can tell you that she eventually grew the hell up and realised what a mistake she'd made. This situation will most likely end in tears, shame and embarrassment. I pity her, she's really effed up now that she's having a baby to him.

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    • flutterbyd6

      Thanks for your comment, how did your friend realise that she had made a mistake? We have tried everything but cannot get my sister to see what is happening to her.

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  • Avant-Garde

    None of this is normal.

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  • Donna1990

    Under the circumstances it seems that this is not a normal relationship, as the above comment says it seems like he groomed your sister from a young age.
    I think your sister will need alot of support when she finally realises that her realationship to this older man is wrong.

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  • NiceKitty

    Ehhh... Football coach... Go figure. They always gotta make-up for something.
    It's not normal.
    Your sister is just misunderstanding your families approach. I feel bad for her =\

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  • Sorry its far from normal - hes a player that needs sorting out and your sister is too young to understand the difference. Put him on the Jeremy Kyle show! :D

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  • Mando

    Little wonder you feel the way you do. But somehow you need to set all that aside and be a loving and supportive brother to your sister and niece/nephew - they - not how this all went down - are your main concern. Also she's now an adult. What else can you do?

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  • LadySimplicia

    I don't know what you can do. Just try to be there for her to lean back on when she falls, because that time will come. He's a dirty old man and I'm sure she'll become an "old model" once he meets new prey and she's in her late 20s or early 30s.

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  • Nokiot9

    I was gonna say "stay out of her business" till it gets all 'stolkholmey' at the end there.... Yeah. It doesn't necessarily mean he was doing anything inappropriate while she was coached by him or underage, nor does it mean he is now. It's unethical, sort of. But she's in a really weird state of mind it sounds like, you need to step in. Get a couple of your friends and go enforce some karma. The kind that you get your jaw wired shut for 4 months after facing. Then he won't be able to hiss into your sisters ear.

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    • Pseodonihm

      Here here!

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      • Nokiot9

        American history X curb check

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  • kelili

    You could have given her more support. I think that you (your family and you) have somehow pushed her in the arms of that man.

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  • Donna1990

    @: ygrowup

    @ygrowup
    You say the sister "must have been special for him to seek after for so long and at such a young age"
    Is it not more a case that grooming can be a long thing to do and the sister was a child remember.
    As far as you say it was "some kind of love" is it not also the case were the girl maybe has been brainwashed. So it is not true love it is just some (dirty old sicko of a so called man).
    The fact that this man was her coach and abused his place of trust to a girl as young as 11 he should be jailed.

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  • Couman

    How is it that your sister and her coach left their respective families to be together, yet he has hardly seen their child?

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    • flutterbyd6

      He found out that we knew he was the dad so he knew we were obv going to tell his family/the police so left his family. So basically he had to leave his family and my sister left to be with him. It was only a few weeks ago when everyone found out and the baby is 10months old.

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  • Your sister is fucking stupid and needs to learn her lesson.

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  • ygrowup

    Falling for someone older is normal, and am sure your sister is special, for him to fall so hard for her! And all could work, and often does, but you saying he us not around for the baby sends up red flags that this relationship may not work out, even though both have given up so much for it already! Sorry, but I am worried for her

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    • flutterbyd6

      ygrowup, i know it can be normal to fall for someone older but when the older man has known her and told her to confide in him etc since she was 11 i think that is a bit different. And bear in mind he gave up nothing for her, he left his family because he knew they were going to find out and he didnt want to be there when they did.

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      • ygrowup

        You are right, it does seem a lot like grooming, but this sister of yours has to be special, for him to seek after for so long and at such a young age. It may have started out wrong, and it may even end wrong. But it was some kind of love to last this long. I am sorry that you feel like your sister has been lead down this path since very early in her life. But many of us choose these paths that others see more clearly as not the right one. But it was her life to choose, even if he did encourage after thought since her youth.

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        • flutterbyd6

          How must it have been some sort of love? He went for her because she was a shy naïve child and why wouldn't he keep it going she was just a bit on the side to him and now his wife knows and so he has nothing better than my sister so why not be with her if she will do anything he wants because he has brainwashed her.

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  • Lorenza

    11 it was young .
    My man 32 years older was not married nor in a couple , if he were she should be smart and tells him that she is younger and that it has no price it is her or she should leaves him , she should have been sure and done it during the pregnancy but it is not too late , he has responsabilities.

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  • Imsupernormal

    It's normal. U mad bro? Lots of Pedobears out there hehehehehe.

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