Is it normal my husband has infatuation with co worker and refuses to stop?

6% Normal
17 Comments

I need help! Advice please. My husband worked with a woman 3 years ago he developed a serious infatuation with. He talked about her to me daily calling her pretty and smart. She left within 2 months because it was a temporary position.

Fast forward 3 years and she came back. My husband is again working 1:1 with her. We went through counseling because of his infatuations and his consistent need to have infatuations with women at work. But this was the biggest infatuation.

He promises me now he will not allow his fantasy crush to again come between us (with his past infatuations, he ignored me, treated me disrespectfully and didn't want to have sex).

He cannot control who is hired for him to work with so she is there as a permanent and will be for some time.

I don't think I can go through it anymore. I have been so deeply hurt by it in the past. He claims it means nothing, and I should trust him and ignore it, because it will never go anywhere. I on the other hand do not want to be with a man who acts like he is in love with another woman, and treats me as second best. What should I do? Thanks!

Voting Results
6% Normal
Based on 51 votes (3 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 17 )
  • Bambi2015
    8 years ago | pl

    Not normal at all he obviously ie very attracted to this woman physically and most likely sexually. And who knows if she is comming on to.him at work. This is a difficult situation either he get a transfer 2 anothwr dept or if he really respects u and loves u he will cool it and act like ur husband He is married now so he needs to conduct hisself as such. If not start putting monet to the side dont tell him and divorce him and get a good attorney and leave him high and dry.And ur right why waste anymore energy on this situation when he obviously doesn't considers ur feelings

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    6
    6
  • Freedom_
    8 years ago

    You can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do. You kept letting him get away with this by giving him more chances so now he is certain he can do whatever he wants and you'll still be there for him. You have to show him you mean business by leaving/divorce/separation. He will either change or he won't and then you'll know how much he really cares about the marriage. Note that he will probably try to convince you with words that he's changed if you go through with this. Don't trust his words, trust his actions. Surely he can tell the higher ups that this woman is distracting him from work (even if she's not, only his personal life but some companies don't care about personal life) so they can be separated. You might even find that you're happier without him.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    5
    5
  • strawberryshortlegs
    8 years ago

    Do you want to live the rest of your life feeling like this? I don't mean that in a harsh way at all... but you could have a completely different life with someone that truly loves you!

    I only say this because my mom wasted 30 years with a man that did this to her. It finally ended in divorce. I myself was with a guy that did something similar and I got so used to being treated like that--feeling unworthy and second best--that I continued to fight for the relationship. I wasted so much time! But now I'm with a guy that knows what he wants, and I am so grateful that I left the other guy. You don't know what you are missing.

    If something like this happens again, you need to let him go and choose your own happiness. It can feel like the hardest thing in the world to leave someone you love, but in the end you cannot change a person. They have to choose, and if they don't, you have to love yourself enough to leave. It sucks to fall in love with someone that is no good for you. :( I know how you feel and I'm so sorry.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    3
    3
  • HawaiianMami3
    8 years ago

    He is a grown man and makes his own choices. As much as write to think we can change outcomes, unfortunately we can't. He is going to do what he wants regardless, which shows his complete lack of respect for you

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • MCEminem
    8 years ago

    Divorce

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • RoseIsabella
    8 years ago

    Been there done that, and quick frankly I think he's cheating.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Short4Words
    8 years ago

    Leave him. It's one thing to feel unrequited love once and awhile but it's another thing to live with it. Get out.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • snarkygirl
    8 years ago

    He should ask his supervisor to move one of them

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • green_boogers
    8 years ago

    If he only has sex with you and never mentions her, then he is controlling his feelings. Also, you need to control any jealousy that you may have. If you are expecting more than this, committed relationships are not for you. Go join a swinger club.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -1
    -1
  • Poor-Meat-Hole-Fucked-To-Tears
    8 years ago

    Hmmmmm. Can you imagine them both sneaking in the restroom for a quick Bang in one of the stalls? He unzips up real quick and sternly pushed her back towards the wall, already has a Hard-On and goes to town... IDK That's what I imagine

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -1
    -1
  • dick555
    8 years ago

    Trust can be tested in many ways. If you trust him, then keep him happy at home and do all of the things to him that he always wanted you to do.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -4
    -4
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago | pl

      I have tried this. I cannot trust him because he keeps having these infatuations. It does not stop. He needs to be the one who does something at this point, not me.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      6
      6
        -
      • RoseIsabella
        8 years ago

        Amen to that!

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      So how can I get him to stop?

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • modernism
        8 years ago

        Yeah... don't just give into him like the person above said. Depending on what you personally consider cheating, that's what he could be doing - cheating. And catering to his every need isn't going to make him want to stop.

        Now, I don't think there's a step-by-step list on how to go about his interest in this woman, but have you talked to the woman? It'd probably be good for you to meet up with her and have a conversation about the whole thing. Hopefully she'll be kind enough to try to avoid your husband as much as possible.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        2
        2
      • RoseIsabella
        8 years ago

        Sadly, I don't think you can actually get him to stop. I'm sorry, I wish I had something better to tell you.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
      • dick555
        8 years ago

        You are in a difficult situation. His behavior does not show his comment to you. He has to choose.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0