Is it normal my husband changes when he starts teaching every autumn?

11% Normal

My husband becomes a different person in the Fall- one I cannot relate to. He teaches at a high school and has many different new women he works with every year. He develops several new infatuations on Para Educators in September and hides them from me. He treats me like I am an obnoxious sister he doesn't want to know. He doesn't hear what I say, respond to me. or remember anything we have talked about or even done. Our sex life is dismal.

Then in mid-Winter he wakes up. He suddenly sees these para educators realistically, and he becomes the man I know and love.

We have gone to counseling but he won't talk about what he is really doing, so it doesn't help.

Short of leaving him, what should I do?

Voting Results

11% Normal

Based on 44 votes (5 yes)

Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!

[ Report Post ]

Comments ( 26 )

RoseIsabella

7 years ago

Your husband is an asshole.

Does he actually cheat every fall or is it more an infatuation thing? Does he use pornography? Maybe your husband is a sex addict or even a sex and love addict?

Even if he's not doing his part you can still go to therapy for your own sake. Are you currently working or going to school? Something tells me ya'll probably have other problems as well.

Comment Hidden ( show )

4

4
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  I think he has tried to come on to these women and they have rejected him. I believe if the intent is there it is just as bad as cheating. He disagrees.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  1
  
  1
  - RoseIsabella
    
    7 years ago
    
    That's what he gets, the stupid bastard! Hahaha! Eventually he'll get written up for sexual harassment.
    
    So he disagrees about the intent bit or the fact that he's come onto these women? I do think it's terrible to have the intent to do fucked up shit, because eventually the opportunity will arise. Someday he might meet someone stupid enough and skanky enough who doesn't think he's a creepy, old, ugly asshole. Is he like a 4 who's always hitting on 9s or 10s, I wonder?
    
    I am curious as to whether or not ya'll have any other problems? Regardless you've got my support. I think cheating is cowardly, selfish, lazy and just plain shitty. I believe if a relationship isn't where it should be to the point that someone is unhappy enough to cheat the person(ideally both) should work on the problem in marriage counseling, or have the courage to say it's not working and he or she wants out. Call me an idealist, although some folks just see me as a hater. Meh.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - iEatZombies_
      
      7 years ago
      
      You just know this guy is a chubby creep. Sometimes being ugly is just karma.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
      - RoseIsabella
        
        7 years ago
        
        Nearly 20 years ago I used to work at a radio station where my boss (the program director) would openly talk about looking at pornography online and cheating on his wife. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore, and went off on him. He wrote me up for some total bullshit within a matter of days, then I got another job and quit, because of course I couldn't respect him. The situation was a bit of a pain in the ass, because I had to take a job in account sales, but now in retrospect I think it was worth it. At least now I have a story to tell about it.
        
        That guy was indeed an ugly fatass!
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        1
        
        1
DuHast

7 years ago

Sounds like he needs a good dose of self-awareness. Because it's obviously a very clear pattern that you've noticed.
So, have you directly pointed out this exact pattern of behaviour to him, and how does he respond?
I think he just needs to be aware of it, not be afraid to confront it and realise how silly it is - easier said than done, I know.

He needs to learn to be brutally honest about these things, to himself and then to you. So as a start, so if you want him to get to the bottom of this, the last thing you want is for him to be on the defensive. Obviously it's dodgy behaviour, but he's gotta feel like he's not going to be hung, drawn and quartered for opening himself up. People are afraid of judgment so they avoid looking for the real answers or being open about stuff...in my opinion.

Comment Hidden ( show )

2

2
- fluffy1uv
  
  7 years ago
  
  This is a very thoughtful response, but man, idk. She should just leave him
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  2
  
  2
  - DuHast
    
    7 years ago
    
    Yeh maybe, even if he's not cheating though?
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      7 years ago
      
      But don't you think if he has the intent to cheat it is just as bad as cheating? I mean does he only come back to me because he can't make it work with them?
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      1
      
      1
      - iEatZombies_
        
        7 years ago
        
        If he's not cheating because he can't find someone else who is willing to have sex with him, it's exactly as bad as cheating. The fact that he's trying to cheat and is just so lame that he can't accomplish it doesn't get him any fucking favors.
        
        That being said, are you saying he's been actively trying to cheat or that he's just infatuated with these girls? Because this is kind of vague and we can't form any other opinion than 'your husband is a dick'.
        Even if he's not literally trying though, I wouldn't take leaving him off the table based on how little regard he has for you.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        1
        
        1
        
        -
        
        Anonymous Post Author
        
        7 years ago
        
        I think he would cheat if one of the girls gave him the go. His infatuation is over the top.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
      - fluffy1uv
        
        7 years ago
        
        Honestly, regardless of whether or not he's cheating what matters is how he treats you. He makes you feel like a sister he hates... That is obviously an unhealthy relationship. Please leave him, if you don't it could have serious repercussions on your psyche. I don't have to know you to know that you can find someone who treats you like you deserve to be treated.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        1
        
        1
      - Ellenna
        
        7 years ago
        
        An intention to cheat, which is what you believe but have no proof of, is not the same thing as actually cheating. Most people have attractions outside their primary relationship: if they don't act on them how can you call it cheating?
        
        I'd be more concerned about how he treats you when these alleged attractions occur: maybe if you focussed on the facts of that rather than theories about what's going on in his head this situation could be improved with counselling, but I don't see the point of continuing to accuse him of something when you have no proof.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
        
        -
        
        Anonymous Post Author
        
        7 years ago
        
        I have only offered facts. Most people agree that intent is the same thing as cheating.
        
        if someone is tired of their partner, and they try to find a new love, but then they are constantly rejected, and can't find a person who will even smile at them, is that cheating?
        
        They didn't get the opportunity to cheat. But they tried.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
    - fluffy1uv
      
      7 years ago
      
      No, definitely. I am flabbergasted that you even asked that. Did you not read their description of him?
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
      - DuHast
        
        7 years ago
        
        that I asked whether he's cheating? What do you mean - that he obviously is?
        I'm just taking it as face value that he's not. But the description obviously sounds like he's being quite a dick, but this is from her perspective; I really don't know what the actual reality is or how badly he's actually treating her. Basically sounds like he's ignoring her, which is terrible. But it's not necessarily time for a divorce, in my opinion.
        
        I just think it's a bit rash to walk out without trying everything possible to get through to him or make it work.
        But yeah..I don't really know. Just a quick opinion.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
        
        -
        
        fluffy1uv
        
        7 years ago
        
        Yes that you asked whether he was cheating or not, because at this point it doesn't fucking matter. The way he is treating her, no matter what angle you look at it from, is very bad and destructive.
        
        It also doesn't matter if it is just from her perspective or not, if he knows she feels this way and doesn't care enough to talk about it then she needs to get away from him. No one in their right mind would be okay with knowing their wife feels like that.
        
        And if you "don't really know" then stop weighing in on something that is far too serious for your level of uncertainty
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
        
        See More Comments =>
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  Thank you. This is wonderful advice.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
sillygirl77

7 years ago

That's god awful :(. He's a disloyal dick.

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
sebastian2013

7 years ago

how do you know he doesn't develop feelings for female students as well? of course he wouldn't act on the attraction for obvious reasons but it could also be influencing his behavior towards you.

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  Yes. I think that is what bothers me the most. I feel no companionship. The trust is gone.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
mysistersshadow

7 years ago

You have to decide what you can live with.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0

Are You Normal?

Is it normal my husband changes when he starts teaching every autumn?