Is it normal my housemate likes me, even after all this?

20% Normal
7 Comments

It's pretty obvious my housemate has a huge crush on me, but those feelings aren't returned. And it's starting to get too much.
First of all, it started when we'd all hang out, he would always sit next to me, even though when there's many free seats. Basically invades my personal space, practically sits on my knee so I can feel his breath on my face. After a few times he tried to cuddle me. The other night he did it again, but started stroking my leg. He always does it slyly when other housemates are there, so I feel awkward speaking up and telling him to stop. He texts me in the middle of the night asking if I'm still awake. I woke up this morning to find three missed calls from him at 2am.

I have made it obvious I don't like him back. A few months ago, when me and my boyfriend were just dating, he came round and we had sex. It must have been pretty obvious. But he still didn't back off. Every time we'd all hang out, I'd mention my boyfriend and how I love him and how we are going on a date that night and how I'm so excited. Still didn't back off after that. He still continued trying to cuddle me/feel my leg. A few nights ago, he even got in bed with me and cuddled me. I woke up completely horrified to see him, as I thought it was my boyfriend surprising me. I told him to go back to his room.

My boyfriend doesn't know about this. I nearly told him once but I'm terrified what will happen. He will either dump me or come round, beat the shit out this guy then buy me out of this house, pack my things up and force me to move in with him, which I don't want to do just yet because my other friends live here. I can't leave them. I've never had a direct talk with my housemate about it, because I thought getting into a relationship with the love of my life would send him a very clear message; that I clearly not available. It's like he believes he can 'win' me which infuriates me. I wouldn't go there with him even if I was single and desperate. There's only one man for me and it's not him.

is it normal my housemate is still persisting even after all this?

Voting Results
20% Normal
Based on 41 votes (8 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • DubstepismyMJ
    9 years ago

    For this type of situation you got no choice but to be very, very bold.
    Stop giving "hints". Alot of guys are oblivious to this, especially when they got their head up their asses with feelings.

    You cant be so damn soft for this. Stop letting him touch you, when you clearly don't like it, its already borderline harassment. Speak up. Stop worrying about "being cruel" or "making a scene". Jeez its NO WONDER he still think he has a chance.

    Stop playing games.

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  • dasugaknows
    9 years ago

    Sounds to me that you have a problem speaking up for yourself and your housemate is taking advantage of that.

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  • dom180
    9 years ago

    If you think your boyfriend will do any of those things, your relationship sounds very unstable. In a healthy relationship you would be able to be honest about this with your partner, without being terrified that he will over-react, leave you, hurt the other guy or make you do anything you don't want to. I know you say he's the love of your life, but your relationship sounds unhealthy and unsustainable to me.

    I think your relationship with your boyfriend is just as much of a problem as this creepy guy. After all, your boyfriend is pretty much the only thing preventing you from getting help.

    You've said this guy actually sneaks into bed with you, touches you when you tell him not to and calls you in the middle of the night. That is harassment. It sounds like you've been crystal clear with him, although some people will say that you should tell him clearly where the line is. If you feel too threatened to do that, I think it's perfectly reasonable to go to the police and tell them you feel frightened of this creep who keeps harassing you.

    This guy has got it into his head that it's okay to harass you. That is not your fault, but only you can fix it by going and getting help.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      I really don't think my relationship is just as much as a problem. I think it's more of a fear of losing those I love since I've already lost practically everyone I've ever loved. Plus, he doesn't want to see me in trouble or anyone harassing me like any boyfriend wouldn't.

      I don't want to take it as far as the police as it would split the whole house up and I don't want to potentially lose friends or cause anyone else to lose friends. But yes, I do need some sort of help with the situation.

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      • dom180
        9 years ago

        A healthy relationship is not maintained by fear of losing your partner.

        You sound far too afraid of losing people. I know losing people hurts, but life moves on and you will meet others (and so will they). You shouldn't neglect your own safety and security just because you're afraid of losing people close to you. Sometimes it takes breaking up a few friendships to keep yourself safe and respected, and you shouldn't be afraid of going to those lengths. (Besides, anything that happens would be absolutely the creepy guy's fault. If breaking up the house was the consequences of his unacceptable behaviour, that is his fault.)

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  • howaminotmyself
    9 years ago

    Be honest with your boyfriend so he doesnt walk in on something questionable. Then lay down boundaries with the housemate. Your boundaries are very fuzzy and you haven't been clear about anything. What you described sounds like a game of hard to get, not impossible. Just playing mind games and expecting people to read between the lines you happen to be mumbling won't solve your problem.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      I thought getting into a relationship would have pretty much sent him a clear message that I'm not available and I haven't chosen him.

      But yes, I need to be honest with my boyfriend and I do need to have a clear talk with my housemate, even though it's the last thing I wanted to do.

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