Is it normal my friends always ditch me? am i expecting too much?

88% Normal

"Just because we don't talk all the time, doesn't mean we are not friends"

I have heard this many times.
Quite frankly I'm tired of it !

I know people have their lives and it's not like I expect to always talk to them but in 2 situations I have been really close to the person in the way we have started the friendship with a ton of communication.

I have had a couple buddies where we will talk every day, then one day they stop talking to me and it's like I was nothing to them.

Usually when this happens I get no explanation either :/
I'm left bewildered and hurt.

I know for sure that they'll have certain people in their life that they regularly talk to! For instance partners or a best friend?
I just feel like when I become close to someone and they become a best friend I end up loosing them so I was obviously never a best friend to them.
My sister has a best mate she talks to every day (They're both in their 20s just for the record).

Why is it so hard to find someone who wants me in their life not just temporarily until something better or someone better comes along?

Am I to find a partner? Seems like they're the only ones who will communicate regularly because they obviously have to if you're living with them ?

Voting Results

88% Normal

Based on 8 votes (7 yes)

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Comments ( 13 )

FemalionSteffi

6 years ago

I feel the exact same. My so-called friends would say the same thing to me. Also claimed they were too busy to hang out anymore, then would post pics on Instagram and Fb of them out with other people having a great time. Finally realized one of the "friends" was a negative, toxic hater and always has been. She proceeded to lie to our mutual friends who used to be just my friends. Now I have no friends. All I wanted was someone I was the most special person to, a true "before anyone else" friend. I had a best friend and several good friends for many, many years. We would openly communicate and trust each other and have integrity and were loyal and didn't talk about each other behind each other's backs (sadly over time we lost touch because of different issues). That's what I thought friendship was, but lately I've only met selfish people, pretenders, users and haters. I have so much love to give, am a funny, attractive person, yet no one wants to get close, except for some bad ulterior motive. What happened to people?

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Boojum

6 years ago

It's not easy to find someone you connect with on every possible level, and even less common for that feeling to be mutual.

I've been around for about forty years more than you, and lots of people have come into my life and drifted away over the years. I do have a couple friends I've known for thirty years, and they're people I can talk to about anything, but we don't talk regularly.

It seems to me that you're trying too hard, and maybe expecting too much of others and yourself. I think there's truth in the old saying, "People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime."

It's hard when people cut off communication for no obvious reason, but you have to understand that's not necessarily about you. However, you admit in one of your responses that some people might find you needy. If what you're really looking for is a friend who will build their life around your needs and desires, then you're probably destined for constant disappointment. In any case, would you really want to be friends with someone who was so lacking in self-respect that they were willing to do that?

It sounds like what you're looking for is a soul-mate. We do sometimes find someone like that, but it usually happens when we least expect it.

I suggest you work on trying to be more content with the person you are, rather than focusing on finding a friend who will love you totally and forever.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  6 years ago
  
  Thank you for the long elaborate response! Much appreciated! !:))
  
  I guess at the end of the dayI'm looking for a soul mate as the description seems to match. Can't expect friends to act like one lol
  I guess it's because I have felt like that before about a friend. In the way I'd do anything for her and really wanted to be around her.
  I did realize I had fallen for her strongly and in my sub conscious I'm looking for that feeling again but with someone who actually feels the same thus, wanting to be a part of my life as much as I do them.
  I don't know if thiseven happens anymore because it seems no one knows what love is anymore. Chivalry has gone out the window too.
  It's like "Everyone for themselves " sort of thing :/
  
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  - Boojum
    
    6 years ago
    
    My experience is that, more often than not, friendships are asymmetrical: the relationship is going to be more important to one person than it is to the other.
    
    Some people are liars, dickheads or users; sometimes people's priorities change; sometimes something happens that drastically changes how we perceive a friend. Shit happens, and maybe you should lower your expectations, but don't give up on everyone.
    
    My favorite adage is, "The best is the enemy of the good." In other words, if we spend our lives constantly searching for perfection, we can end up ignoring or refusing to accept all the good things in our lives. Nobody's perfect, but I bet there are lots of good, decent people around you.
    
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EccentricWeird

6 years ago

Try breathmints.

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RoseIsabella

6 years ago

Are you weird, or needy?

Also, it has a lot to do with what stage of life you're in, because people make lots of friends in their teens and early adulthood, but now that I'm 48, not so much. It sucks, but people my age usually already have their lives all laid out. I want to go back to college again. Those were the best years of my life! If I could do it all again I would study so much more, spend much more time with my friends and much less time on dating, and bullshit relationships.

"Love is like quicksilver in the hand..."

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  6 years ago
  
  I am 23f
  
  I fully understand, I wish I could turn back time too
  
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  6 years ago
  
  I thought I had written a reply! God my phone is utterly useless :O
  
  I don't feel I'm weird but I guess some would think I'm "needy" if that's how you want to put it.
  I feel the only reason is one would be classed as needy is because it's not mutual in the way that I haven't found someone who enjoys spending time with me as much as I do them
  
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  6 years ago
  
  I don't think I'm weird and I guess you could class me as needy only because I haven't found someone who enjoys my company as much as I do them.
  If it's not mutual then ofc one will be considered "needy" in the other person's eyes if you see what I mean?
  
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    6 years ago
    
    Well, if it's any consolation I can't form any strong opinions or judgements on you without knowing you. When you hang out with someone how much time do ya'll generally spend together?
    
    Do you tell the person your whole life story? It's possible that other people may feel overwhelmed by you. It's best to initially only spend a couple of hours together with a person or people doing activities centered around shared interests.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      6 years ago
      
      Thank you for the advice! I'll definitely take it into consideration!
      
      I think perhaps I'm not good at this like I had thought..Maybe I'm doing something innocently wrong without realizing it. .
      
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      6 years ago
      
      Maybe my perspective/view of what a friendship should be is out of proportion.
      
      Maybe people are just as they are and some actually put in more effort than others? Maybe I haven't found that right person yet..
      
      Well it varies, some people I spend few hours with and others we can spend the day hanging out. Really depends on who it is..
      
      No I'm definitely not one to spill out my whole life story. I'm one to keep private unless I feel I can trust them. It really depends on the person and what interests we share. One of my friends, loves animals and nature like me,so we go for beach walks and stuff like that. Another I can kick back at hers and do nothing and just talk about anything really
      
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      - RoseIsabella
        
        6 years ago
        
        Oh for sure, it totally depends on the who the person is, and what your relationship to that person is. Your beach friend sounds cool and nice.
        
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal my friends always ditch me? am i expecting too much?