Is it normal my daughter said this?

30% Normal

Ok so my six year old daughter has just finished her first year of kindergarden. this was her first exposure to intermingling with other kids and people, her "real world experience" so to say, without my supervision or care. now let me say that i have raised her with ethical, educational, moral upbringings.

however she on her very own said something which is making me think and question how or why she would say this

we were on the car driving home she was riding in the backseat, and as we do sometimes, we were talking pretend. she had gotten sunburned and i mention to her she looks darker. she then goes "i look darker like blacker" and i say "hmm maybe you do" she giggles and does "like south american color" and i tease "no like african darker from africa"

At this point let me say that we joke around alot like this. she usually is a good sport and will even tease me back, we "word play" alot where we pile up our imagination on pretend talk

Then out of nowhere and to my shock, she begins to cry and throw a hissy fit, saying "Nooo! I dont want to look african. I dont like Africans... I dont like black or black people. I only like white people!!!

I then tell her that i was joking we were playing but she continues to make it clear how she does not like black people, and i question her ask questions on why she would say that and shes saying some pretty harsh stereotypical words for a six year old. she didnt much say so with hatred, she was describing more with disgust.

I dont understand. Is she racist? can a six year old be racist on her own without any parental influence?

Is this normal for a little girl to be saying this? (were not valley people were middle class live in a normal suburb with different ethnicities

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30% Normal

Based on 88 votes (26 yes)

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Comments ( 51 )

Sog

9 years ago

You've already created an environment for her where there exists a real difference between races. The jokes that you make about the physical features of races subtly encourages this behavior.

Because you are so trivializing racial boundaries and culture, in the mind of a six year old, "I like white people but hate black people" is no worse than "I like ice cream but hate broccoli."

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  She is going to one way or another learn that people come in different races. i dont condone or teach her that one race is better than the other
  
  but how would you differentiate or teach a child that we all come in different shades of color?
  
  Really though, how would you do it (its out of curiousity)?
  
  was it racist that i said "south american color"? or "african color?"
  
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  - dragonfruit33
    
    9 years ago
    
    You must teach her self-forgiveness as a lifelong lesson....so that she too can teach it when she grows older.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      teach her what? self forgiveness? lol shes only six! she only has elementary concepts right now
      
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[Old Memory]

9 years ago | pl

This is an interesting post. I'm going to guess she must have heard the racial slurs from somewhere, maybe a racist influence at school.

I think it's possible for people to develop personality traits with no influence from anywhere.

However racial profanities are learned and I think if there is such a thing as "naturally racist" they would probably be judgmental about everything and not just race because race is something we perceive in our environment.

I am going to guess your kid has a racist friend at school. Even more likely a friend who she goes to her families home. Have fun teaching a kid not to swear.

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- Ms.Prinia
  
  9 years ago
  
  That's exactly what I thought, although the conversations she had with the little girl are opening doors for it somewhat, but she has heard the traits remarks from somewhere believe me kiss are not born racists, it's a learned behavio.r
  
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  You make a good point. Kids pick up racism from their parents. But this is a little different. the way my daughter was talking about black people. she was saying "i just dont. theyre ugly, and mean..white people are nice and pretty"
  
  there was this other little black girl who was starting to bully her. maybe thats why she said those things. however..
  heres whats confusing me. shes also been bullied before by a little white girl. if she was talking racist due to the bullying incident, wouldnt she say the same of white people? why did she single black people out?
  
  when i asked her "is it because of Latisha (the little bully black girl)"? is that why you think black people are not nice?
  
  and she says non chalantly "no i just dont like them. theyre dark and ugly. i dont like black ppl"
  
  I am not sure how to handle this one. very touchy subject here..
  
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  - dragonfruit33
    
    9 years ago
    
    Maybe she was made to feel dark and ugly and unworthy because she was once black in a previous life...
    
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  - Ms.Prinia
    
    9 years ago
    
    Don't make excuses because bullying is wrong no matter what race the children are, your daughter is a racist, period. She will either grow out of it out she won't but she must not be in much contact with people of color because of how she described them as being ugly and just don't like them, where would all this be coming from, if she's not being taught this, the average black kid at six would not be think like that about her Caucasian people come in black neighborhoods, the time guy right in, let a black person go to a all white suburb you would swear you were back in 1968 Mississippi.
    
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  - Incomplet
    
    9 years ago
    
    Pretty bad news. You're probably due to help her make some friends from different ethnic groups.
    
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  - [Old Memory]
    
    9 years ago
    
    I don't know how to deal with that one either. I would suspect there is an outside influence.
    
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bleach_baby

9 years ago

Kids are racist as fuck. Morality is very poorly developed in children and it's normal for them to be weirded out or horrified by people who are different, that's why kids can be so cruel. Add to that they're surrounded by white standards of beauty from the second they're born and there's your problem - you need to have a frank educational conversation with your daughter, without punishing or shaming her.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  true. im not going to approach this in the "DONT EVER S
  SAY THAT AGAIN OR ILL HIT YOU" parenting type of approach because that negative reinforcement does not work'
  
  currently im showing her that were all earthlings on planet earth. with reference to animal species shes learning from. i could use this same blunt educational fact to tie it with races. but i owuld have to be careful and think it through because she has an untainted grasp of human races
  
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  - bleach_baby
    
    9 years ago
    
    I wouldn't start talking about animals in reference to race. I think it's important to specify that we're all HUMANS from the planet earth. How exactly were you planning on linking animals into this discussion?
    
    I read some of your other comments on this post and I'm wondering if you could be more specific as to what your daughter actually said.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      The reason im linking animals is because. right now shes very interested in nature and animals and shes very fond of it
      
      for example, to her shock and amazement, she learned that birds and crocodiles are closest relatives (though they only LOOK different, they belong to the same phyla, share the same background)
      
      this is one way im going to relate it to people "so even if "x person" is black or brown and only LOOKS different than you, we are all united and the same by.."
      
      this is how im thinking of getting her to understand it, like i said were very interactive and she LOVES learning about animals and nature.
      
      more specific? hmm i dont want to offend anyone here whose reading this, but she went into physical feature details on black people..
      
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      - bleach_baby
        
        9 years ago
        
        Ok, I understand the animals/races argument, that seems reasonable. And you're going to offend anyone by repeating views of a small child which aren't your own views, so go ahead.
        
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    - dragonfruit33
      
      9 years ago
      
      Yep all people are animals especially when it comes to bullying people into thinking they are unworthy or ugly...where I live blacks look down on whites and they are in control...just a reverse racism...they want whites to feel ashamed for being white as a form of intimidation. And that only stems from their own insecurity of hating themselves for being black. Self hate onlh spreads more hate and does not help anything along in life.
      
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Tommythecat.

9 years ago

Future stand up comedian

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  me or my daughter?
  
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  - Tommythecat.
    
    9 years ago
    
    Daughter lol.
    
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Pika-girl

9 years ago

Racist, but maybe she got that from other classmates if it's not parental influence.

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dickwashington

9 years ago

what kind of neighborhood is the school in is there a lot of different colored people or is it mostly a white neighborhood?

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- notarizona
  
  9 years ago
  
  did you just say colored people? colored?? what is this? 1956??
  
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  - dickwashington
    
    9 years ago
    
    i know i couldn't think of a word to described a bunch of diffrent races
    
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    - notarizona
      
      9 years ago
      
      A good term people are using right now is People of Color, or POC. I prefer it, as I'm not white and a part of that group.
      
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Theres a little bit of everything. theres white people, hispanics, blacks, but few asians. overall, pretty diverse
  
  But when my daughter first encountered a little black boy she touched his arm and rubbed it. i observed this. later on i asked her why she was doing that. she replied "i thought he was painted and was trying to remove the paint" so she thought his parents had "painted him black"
  
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  - dickwashington
    
    9 years ago
    
    its kind of funny but it sounds like she will grow out of it shes still being introduced to new things and people i feel like her attitude will change over time
    
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dom180

9 years ago

No matter how you raise a child, they will say inappropriate things sometimes even if they don't believe them. Kids from any environment can say things that, from an adult, would be racist or sexist or homophobic etc. Kids aren't innocent, and they aren't developed enough to think deeply and realise what is right and wrong. It is totally normal for a kid her age, although you shouldn't accept this bad behaviour.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  this is true. ive seen other kids blatantly say "that FAT MAN right there" or "hes ugly" or other hurtful things
  
  Kids even do it to each other all the time. bullying. they will do whatever they want to each other if no parental supervision is around
  
  When she said it, my reaction was shock. she had no reason to say this. but what i did was i interrogated her on it, like poke questions out of curiousity to analyze what she said and why
  
  ill look more into it but i wanted to know if kids can be inherently, "innocently" racist
  
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simons

9 years ago

She must learn that their are many different races and colours and we all are just poeple as she is.With love from south africa

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megadriver

9 years ago

Well, there can be a few explanations.

School could be one. There could be racist children who could be influencing her in some way.

She is a lot more clever than you think and she is pulling your leg. Good sense of humor then XD

Or the most likely... She just finds black people unappealing. Nothing wrong with that. We all like and don't like how a person looks. It's called taste.

I wouldn't worry about it too much mate. Just talk to her, so she doesn't use insults, or rude words to describe black people. Explain that we all live together. We are all people. And who we find visually appealing is our own personal taste.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Im tending and leaning towards what you said. heres why. i can relate. i remember when i was little i was SOO very much attracted to white boys, all my life i have. just have.
  
  To this day even. Her father is a white man blue eyes. and even my daughter has admitted to having a "crush on a boy" when i asked her oh really what does this handsome boy look like whats his name is he nice. She goes yeah he has blond hair green eyes he wears glasses..etc
  
  The difference between us is that when i was little i never ever rejected other races with such disgust the way she did.
  
  She didnt use insults or obscene language (she is not even aware that it exists ) she just used very simple direct words
  
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  - megadriver
    
    9 years ago
    
    Yeah, just teach her to be nice to everyone. Regardless of skin tone, religion, etc...
    
    As for what she finds pretty, no harm done. She likes what she likes. You can't change that.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      yeah part of me wants to almost try to at least force her to accept. "well wasnt that fun playing with him? he was a nice boy. lets play with him again tommorrow" then she goes, in a very coy shy manner "nooo, i just dont want to"
      
      but she doesnt say this with the little white kids ive noticed.
      
      but this is beyond appearances.the only problem with her is that she has for some reason stereotyped that "theyre mean" and white people are "nice"
      
      maybe something happened at school or she witnessed something that she hasnt shared with me yet
      
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      - megadriver
        
        9 years ago
        
        Well, talk to her more. Find out what the problem is. Cause in essence we are all people and there are nice people and as*holes regardless of sex, race, or religion...
        
        She can't label all people from a certain group as bad...
        I mean I know a black dude, who is the typical "gangsta" wannabe gangbanger. And he is just pathetic. Yet there are many other people who are brilliant. A friend of mine, Brad. I can't say anything bad about the guy. (Black dude from the US, studying abroad in Germany)
        
        Though maybe she isn't ready to accept your explanation. You might want to give her some time. She will understand what you mean. It just takes time, that's all.
        
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      - dragonfruit33
        
        9 years ago
        
        Maybe she was black in a previous life and got dissapointed by her entire race....when kids say such stuff...it can be connected with past life trauma.
        
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- notarizona
  
  9 years ago
  
  ....How is finding an entire race "unappealing" not racist? thats so shitty and not acceptable that isnt called taste, thats called racism and stereotyping.
  
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  - megadriver
    
    9 years ago
    
    Right... So just cause a person doesn't like something, it's racist and shitty...
    Well, in that case I'm racist too, for not liking any women with short hair...
    
    I disagree. It is taste. We can't all like everything.
    Besides, we are talking about a kid here. Kids learn to accept and deal with stuff, but personal taste can not be changed.
    
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    - notarizona
      
      9 years ago
      
      Having short hair and being black is NOT comparable. you can control your haircut. you can't control your race. yeah, youre shitty. suck it up, change your racist attitudes. you have no taste.
      
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LDlauren

9 years ago

I understand that growing up in a white neighbour hood the first time you see a different race is scary but hatred like your describing is parculiar PS she may have picked it up at school

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  no she didnt say it with hatred so to say she was saying it with more of a disgust. like ok were not playing anymore mom im serious i dont like them
  
  Im just not sure if its normal because other parents friends that i know dont mention it
  
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[Old Memory]

9 years ago

It's very possible that she simply finds Blacks to be aesthetically unappealing. This is quite normal.

However, you should also consider the very real possibility of her views being the result of bullying.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  its normal to find blacks aesthetially unpleasing?
  
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  - notarizona
    
    9 years ago
    
    its racist is what it is
    
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  - [Old Memory]
    
    9 years ago
    
    Do YOU think they're pretty?!?!?!
    
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    - notarizona
      
      9 years ago
      
      are you like the shittiest person or what
      
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      who black people? well thats a very general question to ask. beauty comes in all races. you know that the face has a symmetry that is appealing even to babies. and this symmetry comes in all races
      
      ive seen some pretty handsome gorgeous black men, yes. but. no one can change this personal taste i have for a blue eyed blonde males. its just something ive always found appealing for some reason i cant explain
      
      why. you say it almost with disgust. do you find black people unappealing or something?
      
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      - [Old Memory]
        
        9 years ago
        
        Yes, I find Blacks physically unattractive. And while true ugliness comes from within, one would be lying if they said that aesthetics don't matter.
        
        And while I could be wrong, I THINK it's fair to say that the good-looking Blacks you speak of are actually mulattoes - in other words, not even Black in the purest and truest sense.
        
        You prefer Whites? You racist.
        
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        simons
        
        9 years ago
        
        My friend she is only 6
        
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dragonfruit33

9 years ago

Maybe your child had a bad past life experience involving black people.

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Are You Normal?

Is it normal my daughter said this?