Is it normal my daughter couldn't deal with my depression?

86% Normal
8 Comments

I feel more depressed and suicidal than ever now, that my young adult daughter has moved out. She said, that she could no longer handle my outbursts of frustration due to my meds not working properly. My doctor has been experimenting with my medicinal doces etc for the past 6 months.

I've gone from crippling panick attacks and suicidal thoughts to euphoria and back again. I can no longer live like this, I pray to be healed or die daily. Now that my daughter has moved out, I'm in more pain than ever. She moved in with her best friend's mother here in our town, people now know there's something wrong with me. She's called friends of mine to help her with me, I feel like a complete failure. I love her so very much, but I cannot take back the hurt I've caused her.

My daughter was very kind for months, but started feeling deppressed herself. After months of her seeing a counselor she decided to move out. For a few months before moving out, she was worn out and no longer kind. She scolded, ridiculed and cussed me out when she lived with me on a daily basis. I was hospitalized for a few days, so she disappeared with her boyfriend and never checked on me. My 17 year old visited me and was very kind, but she had not been put on duty as my maid as my 20 year old had been. I could not walk for three months so my eldest daughter helped me by bringing me food. I could get to the bathroom, but not go up and down the stairs.

My eldest said she wants nothing to do with me unless I go for therapy with her. She was a sick child and I cared for her and never had a life of my own for 18 years. I'm so humiliated, I lived for my girls. I was such an attentive mother and now my eldest is giving me an ultimatum. She doesn't understand, that it's the meds.

Someone help me please

Voting Results
86% Normal
Based on 28 votes (24 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago | pl

    She is at the right age to move out anyways. You should quit thinking about it. Kids grow up.

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  • StarTeddy
    10 years ago

    As someone who's had depression and has had a parent with depression, I sympathize with you. The other commenters make it seem like it's no big deal that she moved out and left you on your own, or that there was something you could do about it when it reality there wasn't. A child moving out is difficult enough for a mentally healthy parent, let alone a depressed and dependent one.

    I understand that at 20 years old, your daughter would naturally be wanting more independence from you as her mother, but your health situation isn't letting her. A daughter isn't prepared to sacrifice her time taking care of someone else the way a mother is, and taking care of you wasn't always easy or pleasant. If she was a sick child and was always taken care of then she is even more unprepared to take care of someone else.

    It's completely normal for you to feel even worse after she left, because you feel rejected and isolated. It hurts, but she also has her own mental health to attend to, and remember that you still have your 17-year-old daughter there for you. Perhaps the responsibility of taking care of you should have been shared between both of them in order to prevent one of them from getting tired of it.

    I don't really know what type of advice to give, but I think that you should go to therapy with her; it could help you understand her position and help you come to a solution together. Maybe taking care of you was simply too much work for one person to be doing constantly. And remember, your daughter still loves you; if she didn't she wouldn't even want to work things out with you via therapy.

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  • (s)aint
    10 years ago

    You should be grateful that your daughter moved out of the toxic enviroment that your home most likely is by now.

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  • kelili
    10 years ago

    It's normal that she has moved out I think.

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  • thegypsysailor
    10 years ago

    Sounds to me that if you want to continue living you've got to take charge of your life, right now.
    The dr's and pills aren't going to do you any good without your willing participation.
    You went from asking for help, to being defensive, to blaming your kids for your problems, all in this one post.
    You must take responsibility for your own actions and get off your ass and begin doing something to change your life this very minute, if you want to survive.
    Start by volunteering at a local animal or homeless shelter; help those less fortunate than yourself and perhaps you'll find that your life ain't quite so awful.
    But it is up to you, not your kids or a dr. Do it, as a shoe company used to say.

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  • RoseIsabella
    10 years ago

    Why couldn't you walk?

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  • TwoThumbs
    10 years ago

    First and foremost...You need to be in therapy. Second. You should consider meditation. You need to work on you. It's important for you to be able to be present and effective in any relationship. You need to be exercising. You need to be discussing your issues with a therapist. You need to understand how important life is. You need to volunteer. Find ways to help people in your community. There are people worse off and sometimes....this sounds shitty to say but sometimes its good to see that there are people worse off and its nice to help those people.

    You need to be meditating. Look up Mindful Meditation. Changed my life. (jon kabat zinn's Full Catastrophe Living is a great book regarding this type of meditation and how it helps people). It's phenomenal.

    Also, you have to want help. Understand that your thoughts are just thoughts. It doesn't make them facts. Just make sure you tell yourself you love you ever day. Exercise to keep your body healthy. Meditate to keep your mind healthy. Tell your kids you love them. Be humble enough to let them know you want to get help. Come up with a plan. See a therapist. See a better therapist. Meditate. Again.

    Learn to let go of that negative emotion. A great meditation that I use outside of mindfulness is Deepak Chopra's The Soul of Healing. Its free on spotify. It's about 45 mins long (in total) but its several different meditations. Do them all. Start with the first two. Then the next day try 3 or 4. Work your way to doing the whole cd. One of them is to meditate and focus on the people in your life you love. The other is focusing on those you have grievances for and to let them go.

    Hope this helps some.

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  • Terence_the_viking
    10 years ago

    Sounds to me like your daughter is selfish.

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