Is it normal my boyfriend no longer is interested in sex?

57% Normal
38 Comments

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and some time. We're both 18. He has had one girlfriend who he had sex with prior to me. He is my first all around. (First kiss, first relationship ect.)

Around our 7th month of dating we started having sex. We did it often but not too often. Lately, however, he rarely ever wants to have sex, and when we try he usually gets soft during.

It makes me feel terrible. I've tried different things; "spicing it up" got little reaction, I wanted to buy lingerie but he laughed at me, I've asked him if he was okay, if theres anything he needs to talk about. Nothing.

He and his ex girlfriend used to have sex 3-4 times a day! Sex really isn't important to me. I like giving him oral more, but there are times where I crave the intimacy and just want to have sex. Is that wrong?

I think we have a good relationship. He's affectionate in every other way. I'd say I'm a pretty good girlfriend, a lot less of a bitch than his last, but I do have my moments. I have gained weight recently, could that be the problem? I'm not gorgeous, but guys like me, so I'm not Frankenstein or anything.

I just don't understand what the problem is. It makes me feel so shitty about myself. I just want to feel like he's turned on by me. He doesn't go soft every time, but a majority of the time he does. Like 4/5 times. I hardly initiate anymore because it pummels my self esteem. (Please don't lecture me about self esteem. It comes from within. I know.) Am I looking too much into this? Is it normal to feel upset or angry about it?

Sorry for the length and shit ton of questions! Lol

Voting Results
57% Normal
Based on 53 votes (30 yes)
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Comments ( 38 )
  • pastor_of_muppets
    9 years ago

    Okay.. I'm gonna climb out of my shell and actually try my best to help you.

    He can go soft for various reasons:

    Do you have sex with the lights off? Don't. Guys don't have imagination when it comes to that - we rely on the visual.

    Do you have a sex 'routine'? What I mean by that is basically are you always on the bottom? Is it always the same thing over and over? If yes, stop. Guys don't like routine.

    I'm not gonna lie - it could possibly be because of the weight gain. A stack of guys are narrowminded like that.

    Warning signs : Things to look out for:

    - do you two still talk as much as you did in the beginning? If not, ask him what is wrong.

    Okay.. I'm gonna stop there.

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    • Ellenna
      9 years ago

      She HAS asked him what's wrong and he didn't respond

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    • (s)aint
      9 years ago

      Agreed but will add: Are you using condoms? Some guys really cannot keep a hard-on wearing them.

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      • ellianamarie
        9 years ago

        Yes. He told me he doesn't like using condoms, but we need that precaution.

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        • (s)aint
          9 years ago

          Maybe that's the reason. For some guys they rather avoid sex than using condoms.

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    • ellianamarie
      9 years ago

      Thank you. We do talk as much as we first did, and it wasn't a large weight gain. But that probably is the problem. He doesn't ever want to switch it up! I try and he just leads it in the same direction he always does. Your advice was very helpful.

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      • Ellenna
        9 years ago

        If he's gone off you because of a small weight gain I'd ditch him because you now have a true indication of how superficial his "love" was

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        • slings_and_arrows
          9 years ago

          She said it probably wasn't that and it sounds unlikely that it would be that. You're always so quick to jump in there and tell someone to leave their partner. Still can't thumbs down yet can you?

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          • Ellenna
            9 years ago

            She said "but that probably was the problem" or I wouldn't have commented as I did.

            I think you have me confused with someone else because I can't remember another recent occasion when I've suggested someone should leave their partner, but maybe my short term memory is going, so could you please enlighten me as to when I've done this?

            No I can't or I would

            Have a nice day ......... troll ........

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      • pastor_of_muppets
        9 years ago

        Ai, my honey.. I'm really sorry that this is happening to you.. I'm really gonna try and help, okay? Is there anything else you wanna mention which you might have left out of your post?
        Any small detail can help.

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    • Dad
      9 years ago

      All good advice from a 'pastor' though? Anything religious makes me think what a fool straight up, but maybe muppets aren't so much of a bad thing :D

      I agree with whathisname above.
      Guys are shallow, they like looks and shit like that.
      Make yourself attractive (and also get more self esteem) I'm sure he'll jump on you ;)

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      • charli.m
        9 years ago

        That the advice you'd give your daughter?

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        • Dad
          9 years ago

          Yes, I always speak the truth.
          I have told my daughter countless times that guys are just after one thing.
          As for making herself attractive, yes I agree she should dress nicely and look after herself.
          I'm concerned you wouldn't tell your daughter this, very concerned.

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          • charli.m
            9 years ago

            You speak your OPINION, poppet.

            Well according to most of your comments, women should slut it up. I'd think that would be way more concerning for some dumb fuck to actually be telling his daughter than anything i would potentially be telling my non existent and unlikely to ever exist daughter.

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            • Dad
              9 years ago

              What is the truth? It is my opinion what 'I' feel is true. Yes all comments are opinions. If you want a more valid opinion I suppose each of the IIN questions should be directed to psychologists for their opinion on the truth of the matter ;)

              I haven't re-read my comments, but I will say that most (if not all) that I write here I probably wouldn't directly state to my young daughter. Or at least rephrase it in a young lady way not a slut.

              Anyway, I will agree with you on one main point. For now on I will write as if I'm speaking to my own daughter, for now on, then re-read before submitting. So I thank you for that.

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      • pastor_of_muppets
        9 years ago

        You agree with everything I said above and then proceed to mention things I never said :/

        My username is a parody of Metallica's Master of Puppets. I'm not a pastor. Not even religious.

        I said nothing about looks - I spoke about weight. So don't try and make me out to be some kind of primitive trogladyte.

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        • charli.m
          9 years ago

          Ignore him. He turned dickish some time ago. Was sad, because before that, I recall him as being helpful. But perhaps my recall was broken.

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          • pastor_of_muppets
            9 years ago

            Thank you, Mel :)
            I will ignore him starting now.. I don't like feeling attacked by people if I am genuinely trying to help someone and people twist around my words to make me sound like some kind of monster

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            • Dad
              9 years ago

              Don't be ridiculous, and don't take offense to the tiniest of things.
              I attacked the pastor part which has been fully dealt with, as for feeling like I made you look like a monster and being dickish some time ago (previous comment) was utter nonsense.

              It worries me when 'mature' minded people are offended and subsequently ignore otherwise perfectly reasonable advice. Actually its offensive :) But I don't think you'll get that part.

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        • Dad
          9 years ago

          Lol

          You gave me the expected response.
          I probably should have known that metallica parody woops :D

          I 'added' my own stuff ;)

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          • pastor_of_muppets
            9 years ago

            Don't you winky face me :|

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            • TareBear20
              9 years ago

              He's jelly of your advice, that's all. :D

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  • ballchamp70
    9 years ago

    One possibility I have not seen yet...does he masturbate frequently? Sometimes frequent masturbation kills a guys' mood.

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  • derpyderp
    9 years ago

    Nobody thought to mention this poor bastard might just be stressed out or depressed?
    Probably the number one reason for a sudden loss of interest in sex IMO

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  • Unimportant
    9 years ago

    The reason he goes soft during sex is not necessarily you.

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    • Ellenna
      9 years ago

      Personally I'd rephrase that: the reason he goes soft has NOTHING to do with her, it's entirely him

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  • DannyKanes
    9 years ago

    Pretty much everything Pastor said ^ Only I disagree with the weight gain. But there could be something bothering him, but guys don't like talking about things. So we just kinda stew on things and try to sort them out ourselves.

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  • scullyfbi
    9 years ago

    You don't say if you live together. Yes? You have become room-mates and friends. But not lovers.

    This can all be complicated. If you both really want to be together, you need to start to talk it out, at least enough to maybe find a third party relationship therapist. Don't think you will find solutions here.

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  • Phat
    9 years ago

    RUN!! It only gets worse.

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  • johnho
    9 years ago

    Make sure he isn't into porn?

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  • mystery7
    9 years ago

    Sounds to me like he already has someone else on the side

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  • pixie44
    9 years ago

    Once i told my bf a way of spicing things up and he laughed at me too. He never went soft on me though, but i did find out he was cheating on me with several girls. Maybe he's seeing someone else and he's all sexed out thats y he cant get hard

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      He's with me nearly all the time, so I don't think that's the case. Sorry to hear that though!

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  • slings_and_arrows
    9 years ago

    Is he on any medication? Did he recently feel he failed at something e.g. lose his job, not get a promotion, fail/ not do well in an exam...

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  • (s)aint
    9 years ago

    If there´s a sudden change in the frequency of sex/intimacy that is always something to be suspicious about.

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