Is it normal my boyfriend is so different to me sexually?

39% Normal
30 Comments

Hi, I've never posted before so forgive if it's not right in some way :s. Ok so me and my bf have been together for 2 years and I love him obviously, but were so different when it comes to bedroom stuff. Initially I didn't think it would be a problem but it's kinda beginning to be one. He won't try anything new I've asked him about so many things and he just rejects them with no thought. He judges other people for what they like, and I'm begining to see him as extremely closed minded and ignorant. Is it normal to be so different?

Voting Results
39% Normal
Based on 49 votes (19 yes)
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Comments ( 30 )
  • Unimportant
    9 years ago

    My mind just wandered off, unintentionally, after you said "I love him, obviously, but..." Is it really obvious that one loves the person one is with?

    Don't listen to me, I'm drunk.

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  • poon_jabber
    9 years ago

    yes your boyfriend sounds like a wet blanket! This is the seedling of infidelity.

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  • richmanjoe
    9 years ago

    It is not unusual to have a relationship with someone that matches on some levels, but not every level. You will have to decide whether it is a deal breaker. I have personally rejected relationships because of sexual incompatibility. In the long term, if each partner's needs are not being met by the other, there is a great risk of conflict. If he is ok that you have sex with other guys (probably not from how you described), then it can work, but otherwise, you should move on. Yes, it is hard. When you find the guy that meets your desires, you will look back and know you did the right thing.

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  • flamer180
    9 years ago

    it depends on the things he wont try, i would actually have to know him to say whether or not he's ignorant, but you should be able to figure that out

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  • Avant-Garde
    9 years ago

    Perhaps, you two should see a sex therapist?

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  • polopo
    9 years ago

    Im like your boyfriend and I think its normal , maybe you are wrong?

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    • wilde.192
      9 years ago

      I don't think either of us is necessarily wrong, I was just wondering if it's normal for him to be so different from me in his not wanting to try anything. And I bet you've at least tried those things to know you don't like them, how can he know if he won't even entertain the idea of something new.

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      • polopo
        9 years ago

        I think it is normal, I have never wanted to receive oral because I feel its denigring for my gf, but she still wanted to do it, I let her do it, but I didnt liked it, so maybe your bf have some ideas about the things you want to do but those things just dont appeal to him, you should respect and accept that

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  • Nokiot9
    9 years ago

    Yes its normal for people to have different tastes and desires and limits. But a healthy sex life is an important part of a relationship. You need to talk to him about how much of a problem it is for you, and if he doesn't listen then he is ignorant and closed minded and you shouldn't be with him probably. And are we talking normal stuff like different positions and toys or are we talking about making movies, or you penetrating him, or bringing someone else into the bedroom? I don't mean to pry. Maybe you should go to one of those sex therapists or relationship counselor. Its kind of odd that he isn't willing to try any new things in the bedroom. Some people are just like that. 'Missionary only' types. Very closed minded, sexually.

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    • wilde.192
      9 years ago

      Erm toys, anal, I'd like to watch porn together I haven't before, things like that. We're each others first so the things I want to try I never have. I love sex and think it's kinda interesting lol I like fetishes and how everyone is so different, he seems the opposite finds a lot of things "dirty" or "morally wrong". I've spoken to him about it so many times now its exhausting and I can feel and see it annoys him when I bring it up :/.

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      • Nokiot9
        9 years ago

        I'd start with the toys maybe. Talk about it. Take him with to pick it out if u can get him into the shop Lol. Don't get one that's gonna make him feel 'lacking'. Or maybe start with the porn. First time I watched porn with my girl it was really awkward but once you get over that, it is a lot of fun. It just sounds like your husband is sexually repressed, like so many many people who have been brainwashed by the Catholic church and conservative society. Ask him if there is anything he wants to try new. Tell him ur bored withyour sex life. Let him sleep on it. All that night hell be thinking of what you MIGHT do, being a sexually ununsatisfied SIG. Come morning I bel hell be willing to at least talk about it. Just take it slow. Remember you are bringing him outside his comfort zone. Patience is key.

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  • Syturio
    9 years ago

    What isactly do you mean by "he won't try anything new" o.o anal/oral?

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    • wilde.192
      9 years ago

      I mean anything other then straight up vanilla sex, nothing else at all including the above :/.

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      • polopo
        9 years ago

        I dont like receiving oral or doing anal (Im a boy) and I think its ok, I would like that my gf respect my decission to not do some things, I think your bf will have the same opinion

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        • derpyderp
          9 years ago

          Wow, I have to ask, what is it you don't like about receiving oral?
          Not hanging shit, just curious...
          Have never heard of that before!

          Is it like the sensation or do you feel it's disrespectful for the girl or what?

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          • polopo
            9 years ago

            I feel weird when I receive it, I think it is gross and I think im denigrating my gf.

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      • Syturio
        9 years ago

        sooo, do you want him to anal you? most girls dont like the idea.

        and btw, whats the problem with vanilla sex?

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        • wilde.192
          9 years ago

          I mean I want to try things you know so yes I want to try anal and other stuff. There's nothing wrong with it apart from when it's only ever vanilla.

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  • domv69lv
    9 years ago

    yes its kinda normal, but it does suck. I am a freak I guess. Well she makes me feel like i am anyways. I am down for anything that does not involve pain. no clamps or whips or eating shit or drawing blood, but anything else is fine with me. I love eating pussy, ass, puting it in every hole, anything she wants to do to me that feels good or is done out of lust or love or excitement, count me in. My girl however doesnt even feel comfy letting me eat her pussy let alone her ass. She dont give head. she wont let me put it in her ass even after i won a bet and thought i was going to get to. I could have she said but the look on her face and the zero excitement level she showed me made me feel like it would have been rape. I love everything else about her but I want to eat and fuck everything on her. Am I a freak?

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  • 5yellow_Nemos
    9 years ago

    Have you asked him if there is anything that he wants to try in bed? I'm not suggesting only doing what he wants. Maybe it will help with him being more open minded about trying new things you want to do? Or, while you're in the middle of sex, surprise him with something you've been wanting to try. Although, that might not go to well if he doesn't like surprises.

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    • wilde.192
      9 years ago

      I have he's just not open to anything, no matter how I seem to approach it.

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      • wilde.192
        9 years ago

        I mean the asking if theres anything he'd like to try. Not the suprise thing lol, I don't think he'd be very pleased with me if I tryed that one. Thanks for this suggestion though.

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        • 5yellow_Nemos
          9 years ago

          No problem.
          I just don't understand why he wouldn't be willing to try something new. Unless you're suggesting some crazy things. Most guys are more than willing to try new stuff with their girlfriends.

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          • wilde.192
            9 years ago

            I think he feels guilty about things you know sexually. I mean I get it we were both raised religiously, but I don't judge other people and refuse to try new things. I don't feel like the things I've mentioned and spoken about are very out of the ordinary.

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  • CountessDouche
    9 years ago

    It doesn't bode well that he takes no interest in being open to what you might need or want, sexually speaking. Is he inconsiderate in other areas of the relationship as well?

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    • wilde.192
      9 years ago

      Erm I think he tries to be attentive and open, he's just a bit well closed off. He says he's just not an overly emotional person.

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      • CountessDouche
        9 years ago

        I guess at the end of the day, you need to decide how important this issue is to you. You also need to clearly communicate the fact that this is a problem.

        A lot of women are terrified to ask for anything in a relationship, lest they be pegged as "demanding." I really don't see anything wrong with having demands and communicating them, as long as they are things that are important/essential to you. If you don't tell someone what you need, how are they going to give it to you?

        If they know what you need and still don't give it to you, then it's time to move on.

        It is normal to have different sexual needs and proclivities within a relationship, and things can still work, but only if you both clearly communicate your wants and needs to one another and put effort into accommodating each other, in order to make it a good experience for BOTH of you.

        Speak up, woman ;)

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