Iin: my 27 year old stepdaughter is driving my husband and i nuts!!!

57% Normal
5 Comments

My 27 year old (Yes, not a misprint!!!)step-daughter moved in with us in January this year, as she had nowhere else to go. We are charging her $100 per week for full board. we told her at the start that we would give her a hand up, but we would not give her a handout, and that it was short term only. In addition, we expected her to secure either extra hours at the nursing home, where she only works part-time, or another fulltime job elsewhere to enable her to pay off her bills, and then save for her own flat.
We own a Carsales yard, and offered her 10 hours per week at $15.00 (NZD) per hour to enable her to do this. She has put no effort into anything that we agreed on, including the 10 hours per week work. Last week, she managed to work 2.5 hours down at the yard, and this week has not showed up at all.
She works on roster at the resthome, 4 days on, 4 days off, from 7am-1:30pm. Then, as soon as she gets home, she puts on her pyjamas, and climbs into bed to watch movies. On her days off, she doesnt even get dressed.
My husband has had enough, as have I. Tomorrow, I intend having a discussion with her, giving her a month to either get more hours at work, or get a different, fulltime job. I want to see proof of her doing everything she can to make this happen. If it takes a bit longer than a month, but she is doing all she can, fair call. Once she achieves this, (as we are still supplementing her living costs), I want to open an account in her name, with me as trustee (co-signatory) to put her extra income into, to facilitate her getting her own place.
I must also add that if she had taken us up on the work we offered, she would have saved $2400 - Plenty to pay a bond and rent in advance on a flat.
Instead of this, she has only paid off one bill, is paying $20 per month on her credit card (should be $400, so the bill is going up, not down),and has ABSOLUTELY NO MONEY SAVED. We have also taught her how to drive, and gave her a car for her birthday. We are both sick and tired of trying to help her, when she will not help herself.
Do you think it is a fair call for me to now give her a month and ask for proof of what she is doing to get ahead, or is that going overboard, 2) Is it fair to give her a month to pull her socks up, and 3) Is it fair to kick her out in a month if she fails to do so??? I appreciate any comments, and thankyou in advance

Voting Results
57% Normal
Based on 35 votes (20 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • Captain_Kegstand
    11 years ago

    My parents would not have given me near as many chances as you. A month to start putting in effort? That is a cake walk! Of course it is reasonable!

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  • Gelmurag
    11 years ago

    I'm torn on how to answer this. There's the responsible part of me that agrees with you based on the fact it sounds like your daughter is lazy.

    Then there's the part that agrees with your daughter based on economy and the fact I'm just slightly older than she is.

    So finding neutral ground between the two, have you asked her why she does/is/acts the way she does/is? Did she go to any sort of higher education? Is she on any type of medication? Has she had any type of traumatic event in the last 3 years? (That includes pregnancy or scare thereof, breaking up of long time partner/boyfriend/spouse, death in the family/pet) All of those can cause a lack of motivation. (or make her clinically depressed)

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  • GuessWho
    11 years ago

    You've tried to help her. You can't support her forever.
    You should indeed kick her out if she doesn't put in any effort.

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  • penpal21
    11 years ago

    I think what you intend to do is more than fair and reasonable. I hope it works out.

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  • wigsplitz
    11 years ago

    I think you should just lay it out, say look, you HAVE to either pay us the moeny or work at the car lot, OR ELSE.

    The OR ELSE can be that she'll have to move out by the end of a month if she doesn't do as promised.

    Keep everything normal for the first week, let her make her decisions and moves, see what she does. If she isn't even trying by the end of week 1, then start making her life less comfy. Cut off the cable TV in her room. Put passwords/locks on any services like internet, cable, phone. Don't keep good food in the house, keep it somewhere locked up and out of her reach. Keep a couple boxes of saltine crackers and some ramen noodles, and that's IT. Install timers on your appliances/electricity service so that there's not unlimited availability of hot water, washer/dryer, air conditioner and shit like that. Lock away all your other things she takes liberty of using up too, like soaps, toothpaste, hairdryer, everything.

    My grandma used to put this tiny little suitcase padlock through the hole in the plug of the television so that her kids couldn't watch TV while she was gone. Do shit like that.

    That stuff I'm telling you is MILD, I'm a pro at tormenting people and ruining things and that's nothing, really. If you need more serious ideas, I'm your person, but many of the ideas are not exactly legal. But nobody will know, I'm GOOOD.

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