Is it normal im annoyed hes too scared to cross any boundries

50% Normal
5 Comments

Ive been dating the same man since May and we have no intimate chemistry. Hes the first person I am compatible with and vice versa and our overall chemistry has improved greatly over time. From mostly silence we have gone to talking all the time. He can be romantic in that he gives me flowers sometimes or little gifts but he doesn't flirt. I am demisexual so I havent minded but at this point something should be starting to happen and its not. He confided in me that he's gotten ghosted in the past by women because they didnt think he was interested and I can see why. He never touches me unless it's to ask if we can hold hands or kiss a little and he seems to think those things alone are a big deal. I dont mind that but we are not making progress.

He told me after a month that he's in love with me, but said that he doesn't want me to feel pressured and we'll move slow like I want.
He's kept that promise but at this point I feel he can stop worrying so much about crossing boundries. He's said he's not so good at knowing boundries so he rather not cross any, but I think at this point he should assume that as long as it's not attempting sex without consent he can flirt with and touch me.
Even though ive told him he doesnt need to ask permission to kiss or hold me he still does it. It is not attractive, touch should happen because there's so much chemistry it cant be avoided.
Hes acting too much like a friend and not doing anything to move on from being just a friend even though he wants a relationship with me. He talks about meeting each others parents but I can never agree to it because what even are we? Its a little hard to feel chemistry when hes always polite never flirting even a little. I'm used to dating men who are pretty forward and even though I was never compatible with them due to my demisexuality it's what i'm used to. Im used to men being very flirty if they are interested. Its what I know

Voting Results
50% Normal
Based on 2 votes (1 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 5 )
  • ospry
    1 year ago

    Hence why there's no winning as a man in a relationship

    You ask for consent, you're boring and unsexy and unromantic
    You don't ask for consent, you're a rapist

    It's probably best if you two broke up. You obviously don't have the initiative or desire to make a move, and you send mixed messages by saying that you're fine with going slow because you're demisexual, while also bitching and moaning about how he wont "cross boundaries". The definition of crossing a boundary is overstepping where you've specifically been told not to. You're really complaining that he's respecting you and your space? He really must be in love with you if he's willing to put up with that

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      1 year ago

      Typical incel talk.
      You ask for consent before sex always. If you're just friends with someone it's best to ask for consent for all kinds of touch that isn't a goodbye hug, unless you're both very obviously touchyfeely.
      This is a person i'm seriously dating. All people who date touch each other because otherwise it's just a friendship.
      I am not mad he's not crossing boundries. My boundry is no sex until I feel ready. He seems convinced something as meaningless as holding hands is a strong serious boundry when it comes to having dated someone for months... That isnt a boundry. Even friends hold hands. He has some idea it seems that the tiniest of touch is a strong boundry. I have told him he can touch me because it wont offend me if he takes my hand since we're literally dating. He still doesnt get it. I dont know what to do about that. I like him but I cant help what I find attractive or not. I have given him more chances than I would any other guy and I dont want to just reject him now.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • ospry
        1 year ago

        This entire post is typical entitled bitch talk. Seriously, read it over again and explain how you're NOT a whiny bitch who expects your boyfriend to put in 100% of the work while all you do is find fault with him. You didn't identify a single way in which you might improve the situation, insisting that your boyfriend is the only one at fault here. You also mention a lot of times that you "assume" he should be at a certain point. Why not ask him? Why not talk to him? Why not do literally anything other than sit and feel sorry for yourself because your boyfriend doesn't read your whiny bitch mind and cater to your every whim?

        For your boyfriend's sake, I hope he recognizes how shitty and toxic you are and breaks up with you

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
  • 555
    1 year ago

    He sounds like a great guy, actually.
    Maybe he hasn't realized that this is a dealbreaker for you. Tell him frankly that you miss his touch and want it more.
    Maybe he's asexual or just not a touchy-feely guy. And maybe he's not the kind to take initiative, so you'll have to start touching him more and see if he gets the clue.
    You won't know if you don't ask him how he actually feels about touching, because how he feels definitely plays a part in this situation.
    I think lack of communication is the problem here, it looks like you're afraid of hurting each other's feelings and end up keeping too much to yourselves.
    It's really up to you what you actually expect from a relationship, but I think you're putting too much emphasis on touching. There'll be plenty of guys who will want to touch you. Friendship, complicity, respect and admiration are much more difficult to find.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      1 year ago

      We have discussed touch. He doesnt know how he feels about it, according to himself.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0