Is it normal if you dont know what you want with them?

58% Normal

I don't know if he is using me or he just doesn't know what wants. He said from the start he didn't want a relationship at the moment yet he kept chasing me whenever we had the chance to separate. I knew what i wanted from the start when i met him and that was a relationship. So we both would discuss that he can't give me what I want so we would just stop but then he would be the one to come back to me. The biggest chance and clue that showed me he does want to be with me more than just a hook up was when I moved out of that city like two hrs away and he came to see me. I was like I thought he didn't want anything serious? So ever since it's been long-distance dating with us visiting each other. We would go out or stay in and have sex sometimes so its not like all he wanted to do was hook up. It was more than that.

Then until recently he has shown me he really does want to be with me seriously cause he started putting more effort as a bf. It was obvious that he really liked me after sticking with me this whole time but he would still show signs that he wasn't a fan of the idea of getting into a relationship such as: not inviting me to family or friends events, putting me on display on social media, just being shady overall, nit making compromises, and more. Its like he's living a double life. So I'm not sure if he's using me or he really doesn't know what he wants so he's trying to have best of both worlds. Help please.

Voting Results

58% Normal

Based on 19 votes (11 yes)

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Comments ( 8 )

SkullsNRoses

8 years ago

You won't like this, but I've had friends in your situation and it always turns out that he just wants fun and sex without the commitment. They don't change. I'm sorry OP, you deserve more.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  Yeah he does want all of the good stuff and not the bad stuff. So that's why I think is that a really a bad thing? Like he did say "lets try this couple thing" so we are and everything has been going great including him improving his behavior towards me but that's also cause we haven't fought in a while. So its like he's happy with me as long as there's no drama. Like its really hard to think that's a bad thing. So whenever I do have a problem like recently, he's not willing to compromise cause he doesn't like confrontation. Does that mean he thinks I'm not worth the drama and compromises OR its just how he is so in reality, its not a bad thing if he does just want the fun and sex. Please clarify how is it a bad thing? Cause yeah it is a bad thing straight off the bat but I think about it and ask wait why tho?
  
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  - SkullsNRoses
    
    8 years ago
    
    If you can't be your honest self with him, even when the truth isn't pretty, then he's not worth keeping. He has no right to shy away from the ugly side of your life and cherry pick the good parts, that is being a coward.
    
    As the saying goes, "if you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best."
    
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Arm0se

8 years ago

He probably really likes you and wants a relationship, but is just afraid of getting hurt. So he holds himself back, thinking if he doesn't get too invested, it won't be as bad when you break up. Likely he's had bad experience with relationships in the past, and it's not really about you.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  Well yeah this is what he told me before. That he doesn't want to get hurt anymore. But he doesn't realize him holding back hurts me. Like u said, he prob does really like me and wanna be w me which is why he's still sticking around and plus improving his behavior. But its not fair that as soon as I bring up a problem he wants nothing to do with it. Then i think I understand he wants just fun and sex which is a good thing I mean who wants the bad stuff ? Plus it tells me he does enjoy being around me so I don't know what to do. I can't be a doormat and not speak up for myself but Im also not ready to break up w him especially how far we've come.
  
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  - Arm0se
    
    8 years ago
    
    Sometimes people like that need a little push in the right direction (I know because I'm one of them). Sit down and talk to him, don't fuss at him, try and speak as calmly as possible.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      8 years ago
      
      Ive done this for over a year. And finally, he had the choice of leaving me or become my bf and he chose the second. So with him doing that, he needs to realize that he unconsciously made the decision he was going to commit to me and make compromises. But no, hes emotionally immature and still can't find the will to do those things so I'm over speaking to him "calmly" because apparently it hasn't worked. I need to talk to him in an assertive way because before it was about my feelings for him so I was extra patient with him since I didn't want to lose him. I still don't want to lose him but this time, its really about me over my feelings for him.
      
      Im disappointed that he still has this bad habit when I thought we had already passed it but apparently he is still considering if he wants to invest in me and it hurts after everything weve gone through.
      
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      - Arm0se
        
        8 years ago
        
        Oh, well it that case yeah go ahead and fuss at him. If he doesn't respond to that he'll never change.
        
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal if you dont know what you want with them?