Is it normal if you don't want to get over your ex?

69% Normal
8 Comments

I just read this article about how to get over through your break-up and of course one of them was to not worry about not finding another one because you will. Then I kept reading along and said to myself, well what if you just don't want to get over your ex and right there, it said "you'll find someone even if you don't want to." That was the only time I heard something I can relate to because it seems like people are just not able to get over their ex but its not like they don't want to. Well, I guess it is a common thing after all. I just feel like I can't do any better than this guy I was only seeing but its ending right now after almost a year. He has everything I want and more. We hung out for a little today and I just looked at him and I'm like in my head ugh no wonder I can't get over you, you're everything I wish for. His style is my type and he just plays around, doesn't take anything too seriously which is like me, we have the same sense of humor, he has goals and focuses on them maybe a little too much, he's a family person, independent, same music taste as me, just his way of doing things. Then in addition, he's just organized and confident. It's like he knows what's right from wrong and he knows when to do things and not to do things. He's not conservative but he's also not just wild and does stupid sh*t. I just felt so set with him on top of him being my type of guy to be with. All these things and more have just raised my standards for future guys. But its not even like I want to meet other guys. I only want him and if we were on the same page, I would arrange us to be together in the future. But I recently asked him if he sees anything in the future with us and he just said "idk I can't say cause you never know what can happen" especially that we will be living in different cities but not too far away like an hr and a half. I'll take that as a no more. So it sucks and I just wish I was for sure that we would meet again in the future and be together. I just don't think I can find another like him plus someone who can give me the same feelings. I just feel like we were meant to be. We're like twins.

Voting Results
69% Normal
Based on 16 votes (11 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • thegypsysailor
    9 years ago

    Your whole attitude sounds completely crazy to me. Why in the world are you hanging out with this guy, still? You must think that there is some chance you 2 will get back together, and that's a huge mistake.
    It doesn't sound like you've been with many men, so it's just silly to think your ex is the best you'll find.
    Stop seeing him (and torturing yourself) and start dating. Don't think so much about finding a replacement for your ex; think about it as having some fun with a friend. Date a few guys and don't get serious about any of them; again, just have fun.
    Your misery is not punishing your ex, it is only punishing you.

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  • peaceandlovebro
    9 years ago

    Actually, there's a reason he's not yours, there's someone better out there for you. I lost someone who I was with for 2 years, I loved her with all of my heart, people told me I'd find someone else but I was against it. I thought I was alone, that there was no one else out there until a few years after that breakup, I met another woman and this woman is now my wife and we're happily married!

    You have to think positively, that's the only way to get through this. It took me a few years to get over my ex but I did get over it even though I never ever in a billion years thought I would! And I thought she was perfect but it also wasn't until I met my now wife that I realized my ex had everything I could ever want in a girl but never gave me everything I needed and my wife truly gives me what I need in a partner.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Congrats on your marriage ! And forgive me for asking you this it would be a whole lot easier if she was just your Gf but does your wife also have everything you WANTED in a girl like your ex did ? Because sometimes I feel like people end up being w another person just because they're good to them but you have to also like them as your type of girl/guy to date

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      • peaceandlovebro
        9 years ago

        Thank you and it's fine to ask. Yes, my wife does also give me what I wanted in a partner as well with a few exceptions that I realized are okay not to have. When I lost my ex, I was still searching for someone with all the characteristics she had but my now wife didn't have a few of those qualities when we were dating. I know I acknowledged that at the time but after a few dates, I realized she was actually better and different than my ex in so many great ways. I actually don't even mind one bit as I get 10 times more out of the relationship than I actually would have with my ex. Every time I reflect on my relationship with my ex, I now see characteristics she didn't have that I actually needed all along.

        I think when you find someone else whom you also share a connection with(I'm sure you will), you will be able to think the same way I do. You'll put your ex in a different perspective and will actually see their flaws and acknowledge characteristics that your current partner has but your ex actually never had. For me, this made me realize that even if my ex came back into my life, I'd happily walk away from her as I would no longer get fulfillment of a relationship with her.

        You think this guy is the only person for you but that's exactly how I thought of my ex. I thought she was the only woman in the Universe I could ever be with forever. There's definitely another connection out there waiting to happen for you and you'll know it because he won't ever question your relationship and will stay with you forever.

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  • Nokiot9
    9 years ago

    Getting over a connection like that can be extremely difficult. Especially if u don't want to. If it really is over, you need to move on honey. And he might have been a great guy and seemed like the apex of what you desire, but there are so many fish in this sea. There is almost always someone better out there. You're young, probably good looking, get out there and get yourself a 'pick me up' bf Lol. "-I promise by the time you finish eating it, you'll feel right as rain"

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  • CrimsonDeadly
    9 years ago

    If you don't want to get over it then you're potentially (most likely) setting up the rest of your life for a whole lot of disappointment.

    If it's not meant to be, it won't be. Trust me though, at first it seems like you won't get over them, and in some ways you never truly forget your first love, thing is it just gets easier over time. It's been 4 years since I was dumped by the girl I love and the other day I saw a post on fb that made so much sense:

    "I don't love you anymore, but damn do I love you."

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  • RoseIsabella
    9 years ago

    Normal or not, dwelling on your ex isn't a smart thing to do.

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  • mountain-man82
    9 years ago

    Been there. Still there. So I'm sorry that I have no answers or advice for you.

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