Is it normal if i wish i never met someone i love?

I wish I never met the guy of my dreams. Its going to be a year since we met and started talking. What a year it has been full of ups and downs, miscommunication, misunderstandings, mixed signals, etc. At the end of the day, it was/is worth it to me because I love and adore him. You'll go all out for the one you truly want to be with no matter how many times they have let you down. Its like you have this endless faith for them and are surprised that you still give them all these chances even if you're already broken into pieces. My eyes are tired of not only thinking so much about our situation but also of crying the most I ever have. Non-stop crying, wow, didn't know you can cry so much. He touched my heart and soul which no one has ever done. That's why I've been vulnerable and felt the weakest I have ever felt. People know me as strong and sometimes cold-hearted but thats cause no one has ever touched me so deeply like he has. Before, I was just concerned about me and protecting myself. Now, I'm so concerned about pursuing him and living my life according to his expectations. Although he doesn't verbally say his expectations, I can just observe on what he likes and wants and has even told me there are some things he would want me to change but he doesn't want to tell me. Maybe because he doesn't care enough or he doesn't care if I change them or not, he's okay with it. But I'm not okay with it. Now, that we have separated because of being long-distance, I want to focus on myself and improve what I need to improve. Sometimes I feel like I want to improve and show him what he lost but then that realistic feeling overshadows it and the truth comes out that there is nothing else I would want than to be with him always and forever. So thats when I wish I never met him...because he will always be in the back of my mind and in my heart reminding me I have someone to pursue and impress. It's like those cheesy movies when you lost your love and you moved on and are happy but years later, you guys meet again and you stop and stumble and that feeling hits you all over again like you never moved on. I know that I can move on and possibly be happy without him on my mind even though it will take a while but if I see him in the future, my heart will just stop and automatically fall back into his arms. Its also in my way of pursuing other guys. I have higher standards now and I fear that I'll never meet someone else like him.