Is it normal if i want to ask him to be my bf because...

I think I have been lying to myself for a while. This whole time I thought we were on the same page in terms of keeping whatever we have as casual as we can because we both can't handle a relationship right now with other tings going on. I used to be able to do the whole casual dating thing for a certain amount of time but now I know why it was so easy to do then; I didn't have real feelings for those guys, it was just an interest that's all. This current guy is my first love and probably like how most people feel when they first fall in love, I would hope he is my first and last, my only one. So although we have been keeping it casual like I'm used to, it's been tough as f*ck and it's obvious I'm the one who's suffering, not him. But its because I actually love him and lesson learn: you can't just casually be with someone you love, you know you want more.
No wonder I've been giving him headaches because of so much confusion as to why I always make a big deal about things. He doesn't see anything as a big deal like I do cause he assumes were just casual for now so things shouldn't be that complicated. But for me it is because I care. But I've been trying to convince him and myself that I also dont want a relationship so why do I keep bringing drama? Cause I obviously want more. I want him to be my bf. This whole "I can't do it right now" thing is bullshit coming out from me. He prob means it but I don't. I'm busy but I think I can handle being with him, its not that complicated. As for him, he straight up said "I like you but I don't want to feel the need to report to someone all the time. I don't want that responsibility right now, that's why I don't want a relationship at this time." But I think I'm still gonna ask him out next time I see him because that's what I want. I want him to be my bf.
Im gonna have a real talk w him and basically convince him that we can be a real couple and even if he doesn't want responsibility right now, if he likes me enough he will try. I wanna ask him because it'll give me peace too like I finally did what my heart has been wanting. if I can't convince him to be my bf, then okay I'll know it's because he doesn't like me enough cause I know it's none of that "Im too busy" crap. If he says no tho, it'll be hard to let go cause I have been trying to cool it down and we have been doing great but once again he disappointed me. I texted him something special and he never responded. Thats the kind of thing that sorry but it freaken bugs me and it wouldn't bug me as much if I didn't love him and if I could keep it casual. But that made me realize, if it bugs me then I obviously want more commitment and satisfaction. So I think if I can't have the one I love, then I can't have him at all meaning I have to stop talking to him because talking to him just brings my hopes up and I've had enough but it wnt that easy to get rid of him especially feeling like he won't come after me.