Is it normal if i think i deserve him but at the same time don't?

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I think I deserve my bf in terms of who he is. He's my type, hes the kind of man I deserve to be with, on top of the fact that I just love him. He's ambitious, hardworking, humble yet knows what hes good at, smart, mature, independent, handyman, family man and of course attractive. I know I dont deserve anything less than that. All these traits are honestly just added bonuses to my love for him. But at the same time, I dont think I deserve him in terms of how he treats me. Hes not attentive, compassionate, caring, supportive, gentle (when the time is right), cooperative, and other things. Every time i express being upset over him, people say I deserve better, dont settle for him, and find someone better. Its not that easy because I do deserve him in the aspect I described in the beginning. I've met a few guys who possibly can treat me better but 1) I dont like them let alone love (I am not the most vulnerable person in the world so it would take a VERY long time until my next love, I doubt it to be honest) and 2) they lack the traits Im crazy about that my bf has. These guys are just not my type. Theyre either dependent on their families, not hardworking, dont share the same taste as me and bf do, etc. At the end, theres no passion or chemistry between me and those guys.

So thats why I fight so hard for me and my bf because hes everything I want in terms of the type of man he is. Then the fact that he hit on me, and was interested makes me feel good on top of the random special things he does for me. But lets just say hes not boyfriend material and I think he knows that about himself. I've put up with so much bs and its all cause he lacks qualities of a bf. What do I do in my case? There are times where I cant take it and know I deserve to be treated better but then I know that hes the type of man I deserve and want.

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Based on 14 votes (7 yes)
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Comments ( 12 )
  • Advicez
    7 years ago

    Dump him! He treats you like that, no way can you get married and have kids! You know It won't work out, break up with him before he does with you. I know, you feel like you love him for who he is, but someone who treats you like that, you deserve so much more! Find someone who has the talents like him who treats you right.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      7 years ago

      Thats the only way is if I find someone who's just like him, makes me feel the same way AND treats me right. But that would be sucha miracle. Thats why I just wish he can cooperate and treat me better but at this rate, I don't know what to do. I know I deserve to be treated better but as said before, I love him so thats whats stopping me.

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      • LundaiCocoaDelight20
        7 years ago

        He's not going to change darling.... Try to talk to him and see if you two can work it out but the future with him looks grim.

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  • riffraffy
    7 years ago

    You sound entitled and superficial as hell. Maybe you're young enough to grow out of it but chances are, you're destined for a life of divorces.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      7 years ago

      Eh I know it would be perceived that way but thats not the case. I just know what I'm worth, idc if I sound entitled because people are hypocrites. Whenever someone, especially a girl, comes off as not knowing her worth, others try to encourage her to recognize her worth and realize she deserves the best. Yet when someone comes across as already recognizing their worth, they're called entitled? Like make up your mind. Society doesn't know what they want these days. So anyways, now you know thats not the case here but if you have a solution to my situation w my bf, I'd appreciate it cause I'm so torn.

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      • riffraffy
        7 years ago

        1) How much do you make a year? Where do you work and is there any real chance of moving upwards?
        2) Do you live on your own? Have your own car and pay your own phone bills?
        3) Do you have hobbies (not shopping and especially not traveling)? Do you create things regularly? Are you improving yourself mentally and physically each day?

        You don't need to reply with an answer to these, but they will measure your worth more than society ever will. You've spoken at length about your boyfriend and his value, I just wonder if you're as conscious of your own.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          7 years ago

          I'm happy to say that most of these answers are on the positive side such as yes I do work, I'm always trying to improve myself, my hobbies def don't consist of those, see how you're already judging me? cause you think you know the answers based on how society has brainwashed you?

          Anywho, I should mention that if I was superficial then I wouln't accept the fact that my bf is struggling financially and isn't exactly where he wants to be. Maybe it sounds like a described him as a king because he is in my eyes and there's nothing wrong with that. I mean aren't you supposed to be with someone you like?

          Your intentions are to downgrade me and prove a point which is that I'm "superficial" and "entitled" where if I were to say "I deserve crap, Im worthless, Im sucha piece of shit, etc" then you'd be saying something like I am worth it and need to believe in myself. Well now that you've come across someone who does believe in herself, you're trying to downgrade her? Lol don't just jump to conclusions and start assuming when you don't know shit.

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          • LundaiCocoaDelight20
            7 years ago

            You've described a dude that looks good on paper but is totally NOT right for you. Try to talk to him, if he does listen, ask him if he mind going to couple counseling. If not and he makes no effort dump his ass. If he contact you but still make no effort to reconcile tell him to swerve.

            Everyone around seem to be in agreement for you to drop him where he stands, you do not seem happy and content to me.

            P.S ignore RiffRaff dumbass comments, he's leading you astray and he's a huge asshole.

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          • riffraffy
            7 years ago

            Thank you for answering some of my questions. The reason why I made the claim that you are entitled is because you deserve nothing. Neither do I. You earn the best man you make an effort into getting. Exercising, dressing up, makeup, whatever--these are efforts. You earn attractiveness, just one example.

            By adopting this perspective I think you'll have healthier relationships, and won't have to ask IIN questions like these.

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    • Cockticus_Erecticus
      7 years ago

      Western civilization has made an industry out of the "marriage/divorce" interaction between males and females. Unfortunately, there is no correcting this.

      It must play itself out.

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