Is it normal if i rather win him than already have him?

I feel like myself around a lot of people but the one person I care for the most (besides parents) is the one I least feel like myself. I'm still talking to him because it all goes back to the potential I saw in the beginning. I believe in us and see it in the future. But the past sucked and the present...well it still sucks but we have some distance right now that I think will give us time and space to miss each other and realize how much we want each other. I feel like it will be an accomplishment to finally have him into me as I'm into him. Yeah I feel good and myself around others but I'm not into them. I rather make he effort for the one I am into than taking the smooth route and settling down with someone who already likes me. At the same time though, it does make me sad to realize there is no way I can win him over. I'm just fooling myself and wasting time and have to let go of the one I love. I want to have fun and most importantly, be myself and I just know that that's not going to happen anytime soon if I'm with him. His presence is what I enjoy and I seriously rather be quiet with him than going all out with other people. That doesn't sound healthy which is why I wish we never took it as far as we did and remained as friends with benefits or something. I wish I didn't get to know him as much as I did. Unless I know at the end we will be together forever, I think I'm done trying for us to work. I know you shouldn't overeact with so many emotions but they also say don't give up keep trying so how do you keep trying without being so over-emotional?