Is it normal if i pretend i'm still with him like this?

57% Normal
6 Comments

So we're not together anymore but we left off with a "possibility" of getting back together later. However, I guess I've been "coming to my senses" and realize he doesn't deserve me back. He didn't treat me like I should've been treated. I gave him a lot and didn't get much reciprocated. I gave him a lot like my attention and time because I love him and I guess I always will. But I my brain is speaking louder now than my heart and reminding me of the bad stuff so I don't get too carried away again with my feelings. So now that I'm moving on slowly but still miss him and love him, I feel like the only cure to me missing him without actually going back to him is pretending I'm with him, usually at night. I pretend I'm cuddling with him or thinking of scenarios of us getting back together. Sometimes I'm driving and pretend I'm the passenger and he's driving like the past. I think how long am I going to be doing this? For now I'm surviving this way but forever? I guess I'll eventually get completely over him where I don't have to pretend I'm with him. By doing this, it feels comfortable but then I remember it's not real.

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57% Normal
Based on 14 votes (8 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • RoseIsabella
    7 years ago

    Fantasizing about your ghost of boyfriend is bad for your mind. I know the feelings of loss hurt, but your blatant denial is very bad for you. You need to throw him out of your life, and fill the hole that's left with new and positive things that are completely new and different. What helped me greatly after my first love and I broke up was to consider him dead. Sure he was still alive and well, but the person I was with, the guy I loved who loved me back was dead, because he was now a different person. I think a big part of letting go is allowing ourselves to grieve.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      7 years ago

      I've kinda of looked at it that way too because I notice this side of him I didn't know of him before. So it kinda made me feel like I don't know him anymore but that's why I fantasize I'm still with him cause that's all I have. And this is only when I start to miss him. It's not all the time. So usually by the end of the day I start missing his presence and rather than actually contacting him I just pretend I'm with him. I know it sounds weird so I guess it's not normal

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  • Tealights
    7 years ago

    RoseIsabella is right.

    You can't place yourself in a fantasy world, it'll just get worst from there. What you can do, while you're grieving and accepting the break up, is explore new things and get to know yourself again. Relationships have this way of making a person a "we" and "us," which puts "me," "I," "myself," on the verge of extinction. What do you like to do that doesnt include your ex? What are your favorite meals to eat that your ex disagreed with? What have you always wanted to do that your ex didn't like or found little interest in? Separate yourself from who you once were in that relationship, and be you 100% without holding back.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      7 years ago

      It's not like I'm totally neglecting myself though. I'm actually doing more things I like and finding my whole self again and I love it. I feel a great sense of freedom. But it's just when I remember of him and think of all the positive stuff. And like I said it's usually at night so when I'm done with my day I start thinking of him and pretending like I'm with him. I thought it was a form of therapy for myself. I mean isn't it better than actually going back to him? So I don't know

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      • Tealights
        7 years ago

        It's just another form of obsessing, similar to Facebook stalking. Yeah, you're not "going back to him," but you're constantly making him apart of your life by imagining him while driving, in bed, etc. You can make excuses for it by saying it's apart of grieving, it keeps you from talking to him, at the end of the day and so on, but it can mess with your mind in the long run if you don't eventually drop this habit.

        However, I'm in no mood to argue. So if you still disagree and feel this helps, then carry on.

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  • Ellenna
    7 years ago

    This is normal soon after a breakup (or after a death too for that matter) but not normal if it goes on for months and years.

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