Is it normal if i plan to use my sense of humor?

I don't think its me manipulating him because I am going to be suffering as well. But thats why he liked me in the first place because we can laugh at the same thing and have our own inside jokes. But lately, things have been falling apart because I caught real strong feelings for him while he can't see that and when you really like someone, you want to make it work and want comfort and satisfaction. So I'm not gonna say I ruined it cause I haven't. If he could put more effort things would be fine but I'm learning guys are just effortless in general and have their own way of showing their feelings for you. For example, he's mentioned he likes watching movies and laughing with me. I don't blame him. Sometimes we joke around about our problems like lately. But this past weekend something just randomly annoying occurred, and I don't let anybody get away with something when they have done something wrong especially him. It's so hard getting through his head, I have to make extra effort to pull things out of him, he's just so stiff and not expressive. I have a feeling its slowly falling apart all because a lack of communication and understanding. He doesn't like to talk and he has to realize there needs to be some type of talks every now and then even we joke around most of the time. But in order to maintain what we have, I just have to send him jokes or something funny like last week. We were on a roll but what I didn't like is we were avoiding what was really going on. We can't do this but its the only way he'll talk to me and he'll admit he's done something wrong. I get it, lets not look at it in sucha negative way but in a more positive way by sharing our sense of humor but what exactly does that solve? As much as i don't agree with it, I just plan to use our sense of humor to get by in a way and hopefully he'll see me how he used to see me and we'll be good.

Voting Results
33% Normal
Based on 9 votes (3 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • anti-hero

    Use paragraphs.

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  • what did he do on the weekend?

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  • I dont understand this. What did he do?

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    • He doesn't do anything, that's the thing. He's really effortless like lalala. He ignores me sometimes, he'll disappear in texting sometimes, just careless shit. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't take my side and if I straight up ask him "hey can you promise to take my side?" But I feel like thats too much yet it should be a natural thing he and I should do for each other but I have to ask for reassurance. It's hard figuring him out.
      And when i sit him down to talk about it like normal and healthy people, he thinks I'm being a drama queen. Well thats cause I'm talking for both of us and he just sits there. The only way I can get him to talk is when we start joking around. Thats the only way he'll talk to me and not avoid the situation. But like I said before, that doesn't solve anything. He doesn't take it seriously and in order to maintain what we have, I feel like from now on I have to be funny in some way for him to pay attention. Btw, Im in my early twenties and he's in his late twenties. He should be able to have an adult conversation.

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      • So he's lazy.
        That is a common problem that will most likely not change at all.
        I suggest setting boundries, as you should with anyone, but in this case make it clear that he will need to cooperate or you will not be doing him any favors.
        Otherwise he will assume he can do as he wants. Enabling negative behavior is also a common problem and is just as bad as the negative behavior itself.

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        • What kind of sucks is we live like 2 hrs away from each other so we are mostly texting to communicate and have seen each other in person often. The point is, because we are long-distance, there aren't many favors he'll ask me to do for him. So i have to find another punishment. But heres the thing, because he is i guess "lazy" with his feelings, I don't think he'll care that much about any punishment or ultimatum I give him. I feel like its his ego always taking over and he doesn't like looking weak.

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          • If he doesn't care why should you?

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            • I wish it was easy to walk away but its not because I love this guy. I used to casually date guys and didn't have a problem with ending things or leaving, cause I never genuinely liked them.
              I see all the reasons why I should leave but its feelings holding me back from leavin. And his mixed signals don't help either. When I confronted him that I think I'm being used, he said "what noo u think I would introduce u to my family if I was using you?" "Sometimes I know I can find someone else but then I think oh I have her so why bother...?" And more stuff so I'm like I don't want me to be the one ruining it yet he keeps lacking effort so its not me.

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  • WhiteStallion

    Wow. They do say laughter is the best medicine but this seems like a festering wound. I don't have this problem with my partner, who has no problem with expression. I just have to hint at something... Which isn't always good for me. You're right you need to talk and solve your issues. A guy can be reserved but he needs to open up to his woman when he sees she needs his reassurance. You can't laugh away all your problems... Its eating away at you and if he cannot face you perhaps he is better left just a friend.

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    • But we do share intimacy so I don't think we can be just friends especially after so much invested. He is just so stubborn and whenever I try to talk to him, I feel like he looks at me like those girls who only like drama. Well if he could put more effort, honestly, there wouldn't be any drama. Everything we argue about is because of something he did. He barely brings up something I did wrong cause I'm always doing things thats best for the both of us. If he improves or changes those small behaviors, things would be fine. I'm not asking him to covert to a different religion, or wear more hats, or buy me more stuff. It's just to be more present and expressive. He really does have an issue talking though. He lacks eye contact and last time I told him, hey be more present (not in an aggressive way, again in a funny way) and he's like "ok ok i know ok I'm here" like he recognizes he has this problem.

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