Is it normal if i miss my old self?

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3 Comments

Before my dude, I was really confident and just so free. Nothing would bother me especially when it came to boys. I was always carefree but not easy. Then I met him. I love what he has done to me but then I don't. He's my first love and dang, it's a motherfucker like they say. I didn't get why before or in the beginning of me and him. I was like "ya I'm in love for sure but so far it feels great, what sucks so much about it?" then yup...the unfortunate happens. Just all the mess, heartaches, crying myself to sleep nights, a loss of energy, the whole damn thing like wow this really does exist. Love hurts for sure, it is sucha downfall when its a downfall.

Why does it have to be like this? why? I know its a deep feeling which is why it causes sucha hard, unexplainable pain but it just sucks you know? Like what do you do with it after so many heartbreaks (from that same love)? Do you stay cause you love them and its the best feeling ever when its a good thing? Or do you build up courage and leave cause its the worst feeling ever when its a bad thing? I seriously don't know what to do with him. Its been like a year and a half and he's something. I love him and thats why I'm still here. Otherwise, his bad qualities would have made me left a long ass time ago. I think I read somewhere saying "love is rare, so hold on to it and cherish it." Well fuck thats what I have been doing but these hurtful moments are sucha drag. I feel like I have to seriously train myself into thinking the good things or not take it so hard and relax. Times like these I just wish I can go back to my old self where I didn't feel anything and nothing bothered me. I had no problem walking away, life was so...simple.

And now, I've fallen into the trap of love. As much as I'd like to "pretend" like Ill be fine walking away, I can't. I'm not great at being fake or putting on an act, you'll catch me quick. I know if I tell him "I'm over it goodbye" I'm only hurting myself. But I'm also hurting myself staying with him. But when things are great, things are great. Nothings perfect so I kind of accept the pain that comes with love. But sigh...I just wish I can cheat into the future and see if me and him have improved and are going strong.

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64% Normal
Based on 11 votes (7 yes)
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Comments ( 3 )
  • (s)aint
    9 years ago

    First of all; How is he hurting you? I FEEL hurt frequently because I´m such an over-thinker and over-analyzer it´s silly.
    This, however, is not because of a bad boyfriend it´s because of e messed up brain of mine that wont behave.

    Second: I sadly know plenty of girl who stays with DOUCHES. The would ignore them, cheat, contoll them and fuck knows what else. This is NOT love.

    Neither is it love to be with someone if all you ever do is fight and no matter how hard you try you wont just get along.

    Don´t get me wrong, no one is ever on the same page at all times but a strong and solid couple solves that through discussions and compromises, not by yelling and destroying one another.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      He's not a bad guy. Sometimes I do think I over-anaylze and try to chill. But other times, I know my concerns can be justified.

      The problem here is I dont think its mutual. I think I love him and he just likes me. He can move on with or without me. I can too but you know its gonna be harder. Our actions say it all. I'm the one who cares about seeing each other and makes legit plans. He jokingly says hell come see me but doesn't really mean it since he doesnt make much of an effort. I can talk to him every day all day. Hell leave me hanging almost all day and a few days in a row. I talk to him more and he's just blah. I mean I learned he is sort of an introvert and has a hard time expressing himself but c'mon there's times where if he really likes me like he says he does, that would push him to make more of an effort. Were long distance btw and its gonna be a month since we've seen each other. The last time we did, we got in an emotional argument over the same shit that if he's just using me. He got disappointed and felt bad and for the rest of our time together he really put an effort. I thought great I have nothing to worry about. Nah...recently I asked would he care if I just left w come other guy like would that make him jealous? And he's like no I'd let u do whatever its okay. Ugh cause he just doesn't care or is interested in me. Its hard loving someone whos barely interested in you.

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      • (s)aint
        9 years ago

        People do show love differently. Either he does not care for you or he does care for you but doesn't express it the way you need it to be expressed.
        Either way, it is a problem because YOU are the one who will end up hurt over and over again.

        you are not a bad person for not wanting to be left hanging for DAYS in a long distance. I get sad when my boyfriend takes some hours to reply and I know that in my scenario I am the stupid one. (We see eachother roughly five days a week)

        One clue for when to know when to think about moving on is what you said, ending up in the same argument over and over again if one person refuses to shape up.

        You do not seem to have unrealistic requirements of him at all and maybe it's time to let him know that he MIGHT just lose you. There's plenty of guys who would not be long distance and who would be there for you the way you need them to be.

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