Is it normal if i just want us to be over ?
My relationship right now involves a lot of love from me and a lot of good sex. I've never loved anyone before. He is my first love and Ive heard that the ones after are even better because you learn from your past one. Of course, because of the type of person I am, i don't want to have like four loves in my life. If anything, a sec one would be nice and thats it. If he can give me the same feelings my love right now gives me AND I can give him those same feelings, too, everything will go swell :)
Why do I want my current relationship to be over? cause its been a depressing, dreadful, watery, humiliating, consuming, vulnerable experience. It is so true when they say when you love hard you hurt hard and for every time I have gotten hurt, I just know its worth it cause I love him so much. I look at the future, and I look at what could be without him, and I just know I'd be super happy and less stressed. But the present is whats holding me back. I freaken love this guy and one of the things that make me happy and stay with him is also the future but with him. I know what we could be so I guess its the potential that holds me back and plus we have our good moments together in the present like our sense of humor. Thats a big one that I feel I can't really share with a lot of people and he feels the same way.
But at the same time, I feel like he doesn't appreciate or respect me, and the most is I feel like I can't reach MY own potential with him and even if I do, he won't take notice. I asked him what he knows about me...like do you even know the person you're dating or are you just with me for companionship and sex? Surprisingly, he does know more than I thought. He's like sorry it doesn't look like I'm paying attention but I have my own way blah blah. He'll randomly show me attention and affection but I guess when he wants to. Do I really wanna deal with this? Ive only been dealing with this because I love him and the potential I explained before. But I wish I can fast forward to the future and be happy either with him or without me. And if its without him, then I look forward to it even more and he'll see what he lost; a woman who cared for him so much and a diamond on her own.