Is it normal if i feel this bipolar about my relationship right now?

I have no idea what to do anymore. My heart says keep trying to make it work and when it consumes me, I do it. Then when my mind and ego take over, like fuck him, you know very well you don't deserve this plus most people are saying to move on (even though they don't know us in person/together), I'm close to doing it. The key word "close." For months, I have been going with my heart because it just feels natural for me. I have never loved anyone before and he is my first one. It feels so vulnerable and so real. My ego is just gone. But after so many times I've tried to make him appreciate me and see how much I appreciate him, my ego is starting to appear again. So lately, every other day, or I should say just every other minute, I have been juggling my ego and mind with my heart. One min my ego tells me "just stop already you deserve better, this is a joke" and the next min my heart tells me "no no do what you truly want no matter if its gonna make you look weak cause thats whats gonna make you more content and look like the bigger person." I would usually listen to my heart but like I said, I have been all year and things do get better but some things stay the same or go back to being the same and its so frustrating. Idk what to believe. My mind tells me you know you love him and you might be loving a jerk right now. Then my heart tells me he's an exception, he might be a jerk sometimes, but he's a good person so keep giving him a chance and keep believing in him." I know what an asswhole is like and if I happen to just be interested, I normally stay away and play the game with them. So with him, I didn't stay away from him, cause I saw something good. I have a good judge of character. What do I do? He's a stubborn, insensitive guy but is a family guy who is surrounded by sisters and his mom and dad so I would think he is a soft person. His sisters cherish him like he's this angel for them but I'm like I see an angel but why do I see sucha mean person most of the time? So if he's not making the effort like I am, its cause he simply doesn't like me enough to like I do. Yet, he tells me how much he likes me and makes me feel like I am good enough. I honestly don't know what to do; listen to my mind/ego or keep following my heart.