Is it normal if i feel like im in some type of marriage?

67% Normal
3 Comments

With this guy, I feel like he's my husband and Im just struggling in my marriage at the moment. Why do i feel like its some type of marriage? Cause i honestly feel like I can't love someone more than him. I want him and I want to be his supporter and carer. Unfortunately, I don't think my love is reciprocated and it sucks. When I think about the guys in the past and how they would want to make it work with me, I fear that my dude feels the same way I did with them; no real feelings meaning he's not scared to lose me. I didn't care about the past guys and I thought that I was always going to be this girl with a stone heart. Not like I was heartless and mean, but Ive never felt so touched. I wasn't scared of losing none of them. Now with this guy, I don't want to lose him. It might sound clingy but the reason why I don't want to lose him is because I see a future with him and I feel like I can be that girl for him. He is like five years older than me, and he's still trying to settle down with a stable job. Im still in the process of discovering and creating myself and I feel like he is a motivation for me to become better. And wen I become that person, I know its gonna be someone he appreciates.

He just needs to give me time and he is...which is why we're not exactly labeled as bf and gf because we're both still in the process of focusing on ourselves. And what he's doing to me is what I used to do to the guys in the past; I wouldn't want to be official yet cause I had my own life to deal with first. But based on how I felt for those guys, I fear he feels that way about me; not caring if he loses me or not. The difference is though we didn't last that long and me and this guy have been slowly progressing which brings me back to why I feel like Im married. Im going through these ups and downs with him and at the end of the day, its worth it cause Im in love with him, something I would not do with the other guys.

Another difference is that I think he actually is crzy about me like he says unlike how I felt about the guys in the past. He just has his way of showing it and I want him to know that I accept his stupid ways sometimes not like his past gfs. He said he loved them but they didn't like how he would portray his love to them so they left. And thats another reason why I feel like Im married cause I guess Im old school but when I really enjoy something, I don't give up when its hard. I try to make it better and let it last until there really is no more to give. I kind of wish I was as old as him so I knew there wasn't a full life ahead of me and knew for sure he is the one. I already feel like he is the one. Maybe there is someone better for me later but at this moment, I don't think so. And like I said, were gonna make these moments last as much as they can and not just walk away.

Voting Results
67% Normal
Based on 15 votes (10 yes)
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Comments ( 3 )
  • the_berry_taco
    9 years ago

    It sounds like you two need some space to see if he actually feels for you the way you want, and EXPRESSES it in a way that makes you feel loved and desired. (The expression bit is VERY important here, as this will become a bigger and bigger problem over time.)

    You're not married yet and, as you said, not "official," and as such, you have no obligation to remain with him if he doesn't feel or express what you need.

    You deserve someone who feels for you just as much as you do them. You're still figuring out who you are, and so is he. I hope things DO work out, honestly, but if they don't you should know that it's not your fault, and it's probably not his either.

    My advice: you're overthinking it. It's probably not as bad as you describe, but if it is, what I wrote above is for that contingency. I know you really like him A LOT, but just see how things go for now, and try to guard your heart as best as you can. If you find yourself loving him, take a step back and just let things go for a while. Give yourself a month to decide if what you're feeling is love, and then give it another month to tell him. Going slow builds the strongest relationships.

    Good luck! I REALLY and TRULY hope it works out for you two. (If it doesn't, remember this: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.)

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Thank you for this!

      I know what you mean in terms of expressing himself. At first, I hated it and questioned his feelings for me (i still do as you can see) but he kept making his point that he does like me but he has his own way of showing it and like I said, cause i love him I tried to accept it rather than just walking away. Now, i don't accept it as much and trying to be patient with him expressing his feelings cause ur right, in the long run it will be a bigger problem.

      Your advice is actually what Im doing right now and thats holding back a little and letting things go with the flow. Plus, thats what I think too about going slow which is why I try to bite my tongue when I want to tell him lets just be official already. But he lets me know, there's no rush and going slow is for the better. That def makes me more confident in us.

      But thanks, I truly hope so too and even if its not my fault, the pain will be hard. Ive already dealt with it a few times when I would lose hope, heck, going through it right now...but I just try to relax before I really lose him.

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      • (s)aint
        9 years ago

        For how long have you been seeing him? I've somewhat been in a similar situation just recently and it killed me inside but now? I cannot be happier that I managed to give him the time that he needed to grow secure with me.

        But I would not have been able to put up with it if he hadn't been super affectionate and caring towards me ...

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