Is it normal if i feel like i'm not on the same page as everyone else?
I have always been an outcast. Whether I was too nerdy for the kool kids or too trendy for the underdogs. I just can never find my place. Sometimes I think I'm too immature for a particular environment so I find comfort in knowing I have another option where I can be immature. So I go, and what's new? I'm too mature for those sets of people. It's kind of like a discover a different side of myself in different groups of people but a side that stands out, not a side that blends in. So it's not necessarily a good thing. Each group brings out a side of me that they don't get along with. I juggle all these groups of people I am associated with and I can't find my place? Not normal. So throughout my 22 years, I have always stood on my own. Sometimes I laugh at the fact that it is recommended to learn how to be by yourself and love yourself first blah blah and I'm like I'm sucha pro at that, people have no idea what it really feels like to be alone. Some people are alone with their lonely friends. Well at least you have friends who are on the same page as you. Not even the loners will accept me cause I'm intimidating or something or assume I'm this confident girl by the way I look but no. Give me a chance and I'll keep talking to you. As soon as I feel like someone doesn't dig me, I instantly dislike them. They have no reason to not like me. If you just don't like how I do things, well fuck it. That I can't change. See, other people find themselves in my shoes but change for others...I can't and will not do that. But I'm tired of being alone. Socializing and having a sense of belongness is critical for your well-being. If you don't believe it, look at or ask me. I'm a great example of that. Trust me I've tried going to clubs, joining groups, trying different job fields, and nothing. I graduated already thank god because school doesn't help my situation at all. Now it's on to the work field, and I am still struggling with it. So I'm literally going through an episode right now, and evaluating my future. Trying to find a way especially a job that will make me happy without feeling this anxiety all the time.