Is it normal if i dont mind being his backup plan?

At the end of the day, he's probably just being immature and thinks he knows what he wants and sooner or later, he'll realize it was me all along who was right for him. To me, that's a compliment. Maybe it's cause rather than seeing the presence of it, I see the future of it. However, it's not totally official I am his backup plan but this just came up in my head that it's possible he is using me as one. We broke up recently and agreed to stay in touch. Well hes def using that to his advantage because so far hes the one whos been contacting me and it's only been two weeks. And yes hes the one who broke up with me. I honestly was giving it maybe like a month til I heard from him or til I couldn't resist anymore and contacted him but he just went straight for it. Hes just been sending me mostly funny stuff which isn't surprising cause he did say one of the things he loved about me was my sense of humor and how much I made him laugh. So at first, I took it as he misses me but hes prob never going to admit it unless I bring it up to him. But then I started questioning why is he wanting to talk to me but doesn't want to commit to me? He obviously likes and misses my company so what gives? The reasons why we broke up was essentially cause of circumstances we can't fix at the moment, well according to him. So I'm just saying if he misses me and keeps talking to me, then how hard is it for him to just be with me? So thats where I came to the conclusion that hes possibly using me as a backup plan. Perhaps keeping the communication alive "just in case." Yes it sucks if it's true even though I did ask him if he thinks he can find someone better than me and he said no that's not it. He could be lying but w.e. But then I just realize he just thinks he can do better than me so let him be, let him come back crawling to me and most likely I will be here cause I love him. Ill just be like "okay now you're ready for me?"

Voting Results
50% Normal
Based on 24 votes (12 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 11 )
  • RainbowFlash

    He doesn't miss you, he misses the way you make him feel.

    You are not his backup plan, you are his temporary fix.. HE IS USING YOU.

    He is putting you last and you are putting him first. Have some self respect and find someone who loves you for who you are, not what you do for them.

    You think you are the one that is right for him.. yet he is clearly not the one that is right for you.

    Sorry for the reality check but this is absurd. Find yourself someone decent.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • Yeah I mean the whole thing is pretty toxic.

      However, he keeps sending me things that are couple related and relating it to us. I guess he does want me and misses me but he still wants to keep his options open which yeah I can't accept. I'm at the point of just confronting him about his stupid ways. I feel like the root of all of this is he doesn't know what he wants so he's just juggling me just in case something else comes in.

      I just don't want to make a mistake and leave him when it wasn't true after all. He really did love me he was just confused.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
        -
      • BareClaire

        I think you are the one who is confused.

        If he is keeping you as a backup plan only and you do get together......
        What is to stop him leaving you for someone he really thinks is the right ine later?

        Your being played and your letting it happen. Dont be the backup plan. Be the right persons everything.

        You dont get married because you find someone you can live with. But because you found the person you cant live without.
        If he doesnt feel this way about you then dump him and move on.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Jujudog

    "Circumstances we can't fix"... Are these circumstances by any chance tha fact you are both male?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Invinsible

    Well you are clearly head over heels in love with him so the last thing you want to lose him. But is that what you want? To be a person's back-up plan? Girl you need to prioritize your needs. Put your Brains first and your Heart second. Don't you want to be a man's priority. Besides if you are his back-up plan I think he just not that into you.
    Tip: Don't be Afraid to tell him what you think.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • I know but I wish I can be his priority. I can prob find another guy who will put me first but I don't want him I want my bf/ex.

      And yeah I think I'm gaining more strength little by little to confront him and speak up. I used to be afraid cause I didn't wanna lose him but now I'm just mad and ready to tell him how I feel it's not fair he keeps doing this. If he's innocent and doesn't mean to keep me as a backup plan well we're gonna have to figure out something else. I just feel like he doesn't know what he wants so he is innocent but who knows maybe he doesn't realize he is making me his backup plan

      Comment Hidden ( show )
  • RoseIsabella

    This is quite sad, quite sad indeed.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Terence_the_viking

    Holy shit went you don't have paragraphs the words bleed into eachother makes its very hard to read.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Tealights

    Have a serious talk with him about his reasons for ending the relationship, even tell him about the backup thing (don't accuse him of it though).

    It really sounds like he simply likes you better as his friend, and you're having trouble accepting the break up.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • I don't know about the friend thing because hes been sending me stuff that are couple related and basically relating it to us. And he talks to me like we are still together. I.E. hey this is you and me as opposed to this WAS you and me.

      Of course Im having trouble accepting the breakup but I'm actually doing a good job in terms of not chasing him. He has been contacting me first every single time we talk. However, I'm starting to get annoyed about this. I hate how he keeps talking to me like things are normal when they're not like sorry you can't get away with having me but not committing to me.

      If I tell him about the backup thing, how do I do it without coming off as accusing him?

      Comment Hidden ( show )
        -
      • Tealights

        "Hey BlahBlah, we've been talking as if we're a couple, but we're not. It's really confusing and frustrating. I'm starting to feel like a back-up girlfriend."

        Of course you don't need to call him Blahblah, and you don't have to say it word from word. Just use 'I feel', instead of "You do this,' or 'You make me feel like this,' and so on. No 'You', just a lot of ' I '. Then listen to his response closely without interrupting him, and decide whether he's full of shit or not. Good luck.

        Comment Hidden ( show )