Is it normal if i don't want to have a boyfriend unless we'll get married?

I can't stand short-term relationships, or there isn't even such a thing. To me, relationships are supposed be because of that commitment you naturally feel to the other person and because you do see a future, not just for fun. If you like someone and enjoy their company and that's it, why bother ruining that with rules and codes that you have to supposedly follow in order for your relationship to be successful? If there isn't a future, then what's the point?! You can be with them and have a good time without being in a relationship. If it's because of security that you want to get in one, then you're stupid. You're obviously not ready to share yourself with someone else if you don't feel comfortable with being by yourself. So personally, it takes a while for me to officially be with someone because I have to know who they are, not just know that I like them and find out who they really are DURING our relationship, oh hell no. But these guys just want to be in a relationship already and I'm just like, okay we're enjoying each other's company so do you see me as a potential wife? (Im 20 by the way). I don't want to ask them that because obviously that'll scare them away and because I don't mean to ask that question because I care, I'm just asking to test his views on what he thinks he wants. Of course he'll say, "uhh I don't know? I guess..." just to make me feel better but really he means to say no. So why a relationship? Why can we just stay how we are now?
With that being said, I do not plan on getting married any time soon so Im not looking for a relationship right now. However, I am dating around and currently with this guy unofficially, who keeps begging me to be his gf but Im like aren't we together like a couple in a way? What more do you want? I don't get it. Like I said, its probably that security, but ugh can't we just have fun and be free from rules? I think he'd like that. Wouldn't guys like that? considering, they hate the clingy, overprotective, jealous , psycho gf and perhaps vice versa. We're having fun and so far no major arguments but if we do run into some later, I feel that it won't be such a controversy if we're not bf and gf. If we are together as a couple, it seems like something I wouldn't be able to erase or ignore because it was part of a relationship, something serious. On the other hand, if we're still single and free, we can just say oh it didn't work out yah it sucks womp, so on to the next, no big deal (depends on your circumstances but generally).

Voting Results
59% Normal
Based on 37 votes (22 yes)
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Comments ( 19 )
  • dom180

    You seem to contradict yourself. You are all about commitment, but you don't want this guy to call you his girlfriend? You think that relationships are not just about having fun, but you don't see why this guy is unhappy just having fun without commitment? Maybe some guys would like that, but this guy clearly doesn't.

    It seems to me like you are scared of the "relationship" going tits up. A bit like a fear of rejection. There is nothing wrong with that, but like a fear of rejection you need to take the risk for it to be worth anything.

    Do you not want a relationship with this guy? At the moment you are the opposite of clingy; you are far too cold and distant. This guy will become uninfatuated with you and move on unless you show an interest in him.

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  • chadams

    You will never get what you want. I don't think you know what that is. From your post you seem totally confused. Are you expecting someone to propose to you one day if you aren't even in a relationship? At least you are young and have time to figure things out.

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  • kittylitter101

    You have good points, I will give you that. But it isn't normal to not go out and at least try at a relationship. You are so young, the guy you are dating are so young too, how can they know what they'll want in ten years? Guys don't want overly attached girlfriend, true. But they also don't want a girl who they feel is overly unattached, like you are. They want to feel needed. I hope you find someone out there for you, as long as you don't just reject someone because they aren't sure of what they want yet. Yeah, breaking up with someone sucks and it hurts, but it lets you learn what you want in someone and in a relationship.

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  • nowimsureimsane

    Seems your a religious zealout......probably christian.....i may be wrong but all religions stem from the same....sexuality is inate in humans despite any religion youve ever been taught and to be honest its all just old school brainwashing....and all religions are cults....still not sure if this is the reason but sure sounds like it.....ever heard of Constantine?

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  • ccjigsaw

    Your over thinking it. Everyone does this once in a while. Like how some people can think about how the world is being poluted, and we could all stop it if we tried, and before you know it you hate eveyone but you still use plastic due to convenience. Sound like the same thing "Why be in a relationship if it;s going to end anyways?" Best way to get over it is to be aware that you are over thinking it, and just go with the flow :)

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  • OliveOil

    I'm like that too, but I've never been asked out by a guy that I like. I'm 20 years old as well, so I guess you're not alone.

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  • XxBlackSheepxX

    try placing a brown bag over your head, works wonders

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    • Well for you it does. But remember not everyone is like you! Anyway, to the person who wrote this story.. PLEASE REALIZE YOU'RE YOUNG AS HELL! Just go out, and have fun!

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      • XxBlackSheepxX

        what do you use, a box?

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        • Yumazing

          I use a fish bowl.

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        • Yea like the one from "LMFAO" *shuffles* ;)

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  • Garglemysac

    Tl;dr

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    • BurnaBaby27

      Does that stand for "too long; didn't read"?

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      • Yumazing

        Yup.

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  • equanimity

    This seems immature to me, like something that I would expect a teenager to think.

    And I agree with the guy up top^, you are contradicting yourself. On one hand you're trying to pretend you're ultra casual about it. Yet on the other hand, you have an absurd idea of wanting to only date people who are marriage material. And you're only 20 years old! You are still a baby. And you're a hot mess too. You should discover yourself before you go looking for guys to marry.

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  • lc1988

    Ha this sounds exactly like me when I was 20. I would see people casually but yeah, I wanted my first official bf to end up being my husband. I found him. =)

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  • joybird

    I think you're just right to date whoever you want without being labelled as someone's gf. You're no-one's property so enjoy yourself until you find one you want to settle down with.

    I actually find this quite refreshing from the usual clingy nonsense from women.

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  • qwerty1212

    Perfectly normal..

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    • swampsations

      maybe you have a gold bar or atleast a large nugget.but i doubt it.most guys today are affriad of whats gonna happen next week much less ten years down road all i can say is good luck or maybe try one of them real strick churches where they have to pay someone to wipe for them cause they are not allowed to touch private areas there self even if its your own

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