Is it normal if i can't stand why i let him go?

So I decided to just let go slowly the guy I was with casually. It was just too heartbreaking for me how every time I fought for it, it never worked out. It would for a few hrs then its gone again. He said that he agreed to stop talking and it would be less stress for us. Okay great whatever, he's not even fighting to keep me? What does that mean? he never really wanted me in the first place? It sucks cause he said he did but he saw how stressed I was so he thought it was for the best. Is that bs or did he really like me but thought that was for the better? Its been like a month and yeah I feel good and fresh but every single time he comes up, I just break into pieces like how it didn't work out like I pictured it would...how someone else will have him and not me...thats the worst one. I honestly felt like I could make him the happiest because of how much I loved him and that I would do anything for him. Did I feel like he could possibly do better than me? A little but did I feel like he was better off with me? Yes...because I would do anything to make him happy. I don't think there is anyone else who would love him like I did so it just urks me to know that someone else will have that spot and its not me. I guess it is jealousy, but not the psycho jealousy just the hurting type. Although, I am fine when I don't think of him, I know there is a big piece I am missing and its just frustrating. I don't know how Im movng on. Finding new hobbies doesn't help. Sometimes I feel like talking to him again but just as friends like staying in touch, having him in my life, but then it might the wrong thing to do cause I'll catch feelings again even though, they never left. I feel like I shouldn't have cut it off but then I remind myself how I did do my very best to make it work so I shouldn't feel unsatisfied walking away. I just feel so hurt and just lost...like really I lost him, I lost my love who I would take care of like a son, my everything. I think the only thing that makes me feel good is crying. I feel really relieved and content when I just pour out everything. I just can't believe there are even still tears left after so many moments of despair when I was talking to him. This feeling is crazy and I don't think Im ever going to love someone like him again and I don't think would want to anyways. It hurts way too much, so destructive.