Is it normal if he's testing me?

43% Normal

I recently told my dude that I don't like how he leaves me hanging a lot especially texting since we don't live near each other to see each other as often as we would like. So he'll talk to me all day one day and the next day nothing until midnight. There's been a few times he'll leave me hanging for more than one day. His explanation: "I was focusing on one thing which was applying to jobs and when I focus on one thing I leave other things last..." Whatever. I get one day but for more than one day? Just be honest that you don't feel like talking to me. However, we went on and continued to talk about other problems which kind of validated his excuse but I'm still a little insecure. Now that we're back to "normal" I suppose, he is doing it even worse. He's not really texting me, really blah and slow about it. Could he be testing me and doing it on purpose to see if maybe I can handle him being like this and not make a big deal about it? Is this normal to do? Maybe he just wants to see if I'll accept this of him? and if I change a little and do accept it, then he'll stay with me? and if I bitch about it again he's gonna be like "I knew it, I'm done, bye."

Voting Results

43% Normal

Based on 23 votes (10 yes)

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Comments ( 23 )

pastor_of_muppets

9 years ago

You sound very demanding, insecure and needy.
It is completely normal to talk to someone the entire day and then not a lot or at all the next day. People have things to do and I think it is unfair of you to want to consume all of his spare time. This will end up ending things between the two of you.

I'm not telling you this to be mean or anything. I just want you to realise that you come across as needy and spoiled.

You can leave random messages for him during the day when he might be busy and he can reply whenever he gets time during the day. At night you two can have a chat when you are both not busy.

Do that rather than smothering him and pushing him away.
If you are already leaving him messages and he isn't replying, then just ignore him until he replies.

Also, spice things up if you are a boring chatter. Keep him motivated by doing something fun for him. Depending in which phase your relationship is.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  I don't think I'm being demanding or needy just concerned. Insecure? Ya cause I have reasons/evidence to be.
  
  But if this is normal to just text whenever they want and it still means something, then okay that's all I want to know. I used to be like that w my ex so I'm not being clingy with this guy, I'm just concerned.
  
  Idk if my guy friend is jealous and was telling me this to make me feel bad but he asked "oh does he text good morning every morning?" I said "no and that's okay w me I don't need him to do that were just like that...in fact that would be too clingy for me." He said "oh hmm idk about him then or if he's into you." I found it really annoying that he thinks you have to do those certain things to validate your feelings for someone? I think only needy people would need that.
  
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  - iEatZombies_
    
    9 years ago
    
    Your friend is trying to cause issues in your relationship. He's being a troublemaker.
    
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iEatZombies_

9 years ago

Guys don't generally give a shit about idle chit chat on the phone. I mean, they chit chat, but they keep it short and to the point, generally feeling comfortable in silence if there's nothing to be said. It justmeans he feels comfortable. If he filled the air before, it's because a- he was nervous, b- he was getting to know you. He's acting normal. You guys aren't around each other, so there isn't a lot to say.
One other thing- guys are doers. You want him to hang out with you, you need to interact by doing things with him. Play videogames, do stuff on skype, do fun shit. Don't just text 'How's your day? The weather nice?' At least send him lins to funny videos n shit.

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- Shackleford96
  
  9 years ago
  
  I couldn't agree with you more here. Will you tell my girlfriend this? Lol
  
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  - iEatZombies_
    
    9 years ago
    
    I could, but then I'd have to tell her about that time you got drunk at the IIN office party, dressed up as charli.m, hit on antihero, and threw the trashcan you just pissed in at ItDuz angrily, blaming the whole ordeal on him. Poor guy screamed like a girl when he noticed his hair was dampened. Ya jerk.
    
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    - Shackleford96
      
      9 years ago
      
      :O You wouldn't?!?
      
      Whatever happened to 'what happens at the IIN party STAYS at the IIN party?'
      
      Lol
      
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Are u a guy ? If yeah then okay you validated that it's normal and its okay since its coming from a guys point of view. All I wanted to know is if I shouldn't take it personal and he's just being normal and everything's fine.
  
  But then maybe he is testing me and so far, I'm just trying to not text him as much anymore or bother about it. Pretty much giving him the same amount of effort as he is giving me.
  
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  - iEatZombies_
    
    9 years ago
    
    I'm a female, but if you want a guy's opinion, my fiance said you're probably annoying him since you have the tendency to keep saying the same thing after your question is answered. He also said that the guy's just busy living his day-to-day life, trying to take care of business, which is important if you want any kind of future with him. He also said guy's don't test, only girls do that 'dumb shit'.
    
    I'll admit I softened his words a little. lol He's basically saying stop being annoying, you're causing problems. Also, he agrees with me.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      Well usually these instances mean he lacks interest in that person. If he was really into me, he wouldn't be doing this. Some, like ya'll, say it's normal for a guy to be doing that and it shouldn't be taken it as a clue for me. So the point or question is, because this is normal for a guy to do, it has nothing to do with a lack of interest in me or not? and he likes me and that's just how he is.
      
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      - iEatZombies_
        
        9 years ago
        
        Yes, that's just how he is. He likes you, he's just busy. He's interested in you. Him not getting back to you isn't a statement against how he feels about you.
        What we're all saying is that he likes you and doesn't seem to have an issue, but if you keep bothering and pressing him, he'll start to have an issue.
        
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        green_boogers
        
        9 years ago
        
        I like the way you handled this post. Btw, how do I get invited to the IIN office party?
        
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NeuroNeptunian

9 years ago

You bothering him about not talking to you as often as you want makes him less likely to talk to you. You make someone feel negative emotions with your words and actions and eventually, they will start feeling those negative emotions toward YOU.

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Darkoil

9 years ago

If my girlfriends working away I can go days without txting her. She on the other hand usually gives me an earful when she gets home.

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thegypsysailor

9 years ago

You obviously feel entitled to instant gratification.
Are you aware that just a few years ago, if you were not at home or work, you couldn't even receive a phone call? Phones were connected to each other by WIRES, really, that is true. What you call texting, we called letter writing and sometimes it took a whole week or more to get an answer, really, that is also true; a whole week.
Amazingly, (I know you won't believe this, but it is none the less true) there are still people on this planet who don't have a cell phone and have NEVER texted (I've never texted).
You sound like a spoiled, petulant child to me. Get over it!

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KeepsakeDoll

9 years ago

Is this a long distance relationship?

I think he's not that into the relationship since he's not putting that much effort. Forgetting to text your partner for a day or two is understandable since problems happen, but if it's such a frequent thing then I'd get pissed off, too.

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WhiteStallion

9 years ago

I haven't really considered something like this. I mean, I find it normal to talk a lot one day and then the next day I can be really busy. I also don't want to seem too clingy...However I'm interested to see how others respond, whether this irregularity in texting actually means something more?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  I'm guessing you're a guy? If so, when you are kind of too busy to shoot at least one text, does your thing with whoever still means something? and this slow texting simply means you're a little busy and like you said, "don't want to seem too clingy?" So she shouldn't take personal and chill out and move on?
  
  If you're a girl, then we're both in the same shoes and wanting to know.
  
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RoseIsabella

9 years ago

Where did you meet your dude?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  In college and it was at a party he threw in our apt building. We lived in the same building and we eventually got closer and spent time together.
  
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    9 years ago
    
    Oh, right on. I must confess I was wondering if you met him online or something.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      Oh no then the answer would obviously be I'm doomed.
      
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      - RoseIsabella
        
        9 years ago
        
        True.
        
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal if he's testing me?