Is it normal if he didn't let me see his phone?

13 Comments

Based on the past, idk what to believe when he didn't let me see his phone. Before we got official, I found some messages to a girl he used to have a fling with and when I confronted him about it, his response wasn't convincing. He basically said he was just playing around with her since there's no way theyre gonna get together. But when he found out I went through his phone, he got really pissed. He said he felt disrespected and its like him going through my purse blah blah blah. Now, things have gotten more serious and we hadn't seen each other for like a month (we're long distance) until yesterday. He came to see me and sacrificed his crazy work schedule right now for me. But because of a lot of ups and downs and not seeing him for a while, I decided to ask him, and politely not aggressively, if I can check his phone. Of course he said no. He was like "um no there's no reason why you should." I'm just so confused cause idk if he's not letting me cause he wants me to trust and respect him or looking at the past, he is hiding something. Like I said, he did come see me all the way from work and home and made a few sacrifices so I understand why he would get upset at me still questioning him. What do I believe?

He wants you to respect him and trust him 13
He is hiding something and being shady 18
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Comments ( 13 )
  • ArmusWasTheFirstTroll
    9 years ago

    I'm not hiding a damned thing and if you went through my phone we would no longer be seeing each other. No trust, no relationship.

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  • TareBear20
    9 years ago

    You either believe him, or you don't. Don't play mind games and think it's ok to look through someone else's phone. How long have you guys been together? He may just like his privacy and be offended that you don't trust him. It's not worth a fight, dude. If you walk in on him cheating, that would be a different story, but since he's been faithful to you, I think you should take his word for it.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      I mean its been like a year but its weird cause we are slowly getting official. He does like his privacy! But thats the thing...how can I not get suspicious when he's being private or shady? I just wish he knew where I was coming from and its reasonable considering what I've seen in the past. Trust issues don't just happen, they come from somewhere and unfortunately, due to his past behavior, I'm having a hard time trusting him. I wish I can take his word for it because 1) he does like his privacy and he's all about respect and 2) he did come all the way to come see me. But the past is messing with me and I can't just leave it behind and risk looking like a fool.

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      • TareBear20
        9 years ago

        Some people prefer more privacy than others do. If he's that kind of person, it's perfectly normal for him to be defensive, even if he has nothing to hide, because he's probably offended that you don't trust him. Your story implies that you guys weren't even official when you found those texts, which gives you no right to be mad at that point. It sounds like he gave an honest answer to me. Don't you think he would've said something to cover it up or something? It seems like your just looking for reasons to be upset with your guy, which is stupid to begin with. If you don't trust him, either let him know and work it out, or leave. It's unfair to both of you. A relationship without trust, is not a very good one, anyway.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          9 years ago

          Actually I don't think he gave an honest answer. I didn't post it but he gave such a laughable response. He said "you know when you know you're not gonna see someone anymore and you're just playing around with them with no intentions?" I'm like yeah no. I wish he did admit that he was talking to someone else because he did have a right to and that would've been fine. I would've known okay we can talk to other people then. But the fact that he still tried to hide it meant he did take us seriousky and didn't wanna get in trouble. So he lied. Plus it sucks for the other girl if he really was playing w her. It sucks for both of us.

          Being with him has been a revolving trust issue roller coaster cause of his behavior. But ya I mean I'm going to ask him again if I can check his phone cause last time when I did it was bad timing. Then I'm just gonna explain where coming from with his past and if he has a good mindset and heart hell understand and let me get it over with.

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          • TareBear20
            9 years ago

            Maybe he was messing with you, since you brought it upon yourself to look through his phone. Trust me, he's offended. It's not right in any relationship to go through someone's phone, unless they come up to you with something to show you. It would be better to ask, but you already did and he shot you down. You either take his word, or you don't, but if you don't then you could be missing out on someone potentially good for you. I have a guy friend who I know would never cheat on his girlfriend, but would also never be ok with her going through his phone. Everyone's different and there is two sides to every story. I think he should break up with you for looking through his phone. I got your side of the story which makes you look like the bad guy, by the way. If you want my best advice, you have to elaborate on the situation a little better.

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  • howaminotmyself
    9 years ago

    The only reason for you to check his phone is to try and catch him being unfaithful. He knows that and no, he shouldn't trust you. Your motives are horrible.

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  • TrustMeImLying
    9 years ago

    There are people who don't have the propensity to cheat but still don't want people snooping into their phone or things. I have an abnormally high disgust towards people who can't respect privacy. Thank goodness I have yet to be with a girl who was paranoid/nosy/suspicious. Conversely, I have come across diaries where I was certain there was stuff about me in there. And given my curious nature you'd think I'd go for it but I didn't. For months.

    I understand in your case there is a past that influences you, and it must be difficult, but you shouldn't let that define your present. That being said, instead of letting your suspicions fester why not talk to him? No, don't accuse him but fess up that you have these silly/irrational suspicions. This may not be a popular stance, but I would rather put myself out there to be oblivious to being cheated on than live constantly with suspicions. I feel if you can't take that leap of faith with someone then you shouldn't be with them or in a relationship at all.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Yeah he's a pretty private person and I respect him so its hard for me when I ask him about his phone. I didn't get a chance to really explain where I was coming from with his past. I think the next time I'm going to ask him bout his phone again for a peace of mind and tell him where im coming from and I hope he understands if he has a good heart.

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      • TareBear20
        9 years ago

        You're lying to yourself saying that you respect him. Looking through someone's phone is the farthest thing from respect, dude. If you didn't like his answer in the beginning, you should have sorted it out, or broken things off. You feel like you're entitled to look through his phone, because you're a little jealous? It just sounds to me like you have some growing up to do.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          9 years ago

          No I do respect him. That's why I felt like shit when it was in the open cause I'm not that type of gf and i respect him and like you said, that didn't prove it at all.

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  • chained_rage
    9 years ago

    I had a girlfriend like that once. For absolutely no reason she would sneak through my stuff and check my phone. I never knew about this until I caught that bitch one day.

    It's disrespectful. You sound like a shady, possessive control freak.

    If you cant trust the person you're with, leave him. You have no right to go through his stuff.

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  • RoseIsabella
    9 years ago

    I wish there were an option for both.

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