Is it normal if he can't budge?

29% Normal

Welp, I feel like shit. I don't know what to believe. Why doesn't he want to be honest with me about talking to another girl? We are not official but when I asked if there is someone else, he says no. Is he scared of getting in trouble? I'll tell him to just be honest because, its not like Im gonna yell at you. I'll be hurt after you make it seem like Im the only one but I know its not my place to feel that way. I have told him that if you are involved with me in any way, you're not allowed to tlk to other girls but I said I would understand why you would cause we're technically single so just tell me the truth. I just don't think its healthy talking to someone else even if we're not official. In our case, we are dating and getting to know each other, not like friends with benefits, otherwise, yeah it'd be fine to talk to others. I just want honesty but it seems like hes scared of telling me the truth but I don't get why he would be scared. Is he afraid to hurt my feelings after everything we have done? and if yeah then why is he doing this in the first place if he feels bad about it? He should just make me his girl then.

How do I know there's someone else for sure? Well I just noticed he was being distant, then I noticed his friend and him had a common friend who was a girl and they were all hanging out I suppose. We are long distance so that doesn't help at all to control the situation. I chilled out for a little cause I thought maybe I was overreacting that he might have a thing with her. when I saw he was getting close to her I thought, there has to be something because he doesn't just talk to any girl which is why I have believed him. And just a few min ago, that friend of his sends me something of all of them partying and he pointed the camera at her then him as if he was telling me something. What doesn't help is he's not even sending me anything, he did send he was at a party but not of her yet his friend did.

I know there's something going on and it hurts me how he straight up lies that there's no one else like he's so innocent. He knows how much he means to me and now it just seems like hes taking advantage of that. He knows Ill always be there. Plus, I don't think his friend is a good influence, if anything, it looks like he's encouraging it. Just tell me the truth please. I pour my heart out to him and he did a nice gesture the other day but those things are hard to believe now. I want to ask "who is so and so" hes gonna be like "how do you know her?" then imma look like psycho all up on his business but i want him to know you cannot fool me and as many times as you tell me youre not talking to anyone else, Im very aware of someone else in the picture.

Voting Results

29% Normal

Based on 7 votes (2 yes)

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Comments ( 20 )

TareBear20

9 years ago

I'm not trying to judge here, but your post depicts you as a terrible individual to me. Why? You are controlling and possessive, but to the fullest extent and your not even officially together yet. He needs to dump you, because you're not going to change anytime soon and he deserves better. I guarantee you can have as many friends as you want, right? One of my boyfriends closest friends is a girl and it doesn't bother me or even phase me. What is a relationship without trust? Nothing, that's what. To be honest, don't even reply to this post, because nothing you say as a retort will hold any merit to me.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  So what you think I'm crazy? and over-analyzing that girl being "someone else" is just a friend and I need to chill out? Yes I'm aware of it and Im not being possessive or controlling. What happened to just talking and being honest? I can't even point out how I'm feeling without sounding like that. You didn't even answer my question and thats what the post was about. Not "am I being controlling?" No Im very aware of looking like that but I don't care cause I know Im not. If anything, the fact that I am NOT controlling, he is taking advantage of that. I don't ask him to let me know where he is every time. I clearly in a mature conversation told him "I know we are technically single so just tell me the truth if you are talking to someone else" and that is it and I'll know where we stand. Im not gonna yell at him cause im not his gf. But like I said Im not gonna pretend like Im not hurt because I am. How can I not be hurt when he tells me to not worry, I'm crazy, and he hasn't made me his gf yet he treats me like Im the only girl in the picture. Then his friend just basically lets me know that that girl is in the picture, too. Im even more lost and hurt because idk what to believe anymore. The fact that I look crazy hurts me cause Im not. He has made me like that. If he didn't mean anything to me, I wouldn't care if he was talkin to someone else. But because he does, I can't control how I feel and it fucks me up. Were not officially together so why the fuck can't he tell me the truth??? what is he scared of? he's not cheating on me and I told him Im not gonna be mad at him, so why is hiding this? because he might be telling me the truth that he is not talking to anyone else even tho, theres evidence?
  To be honest, Im just gradually gonna take my own advice and thats to not give it my all anymore and go with the flow. It hurts too much to be taken advantage of.
  
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  - TareBear20
    
    9 years ago
    
    It sounds to me like his friend is spreading nasty rumors to try and complicate things. This happened to me before and many of my friends, which is why this is such a big possibility here. You are over analyzing things, because sometimes us girls just do that, but it's never okay to act, unless you have the facts laid out in front of you. He's telling you there is no one else, so as his girl, you should believe him, unless he has given you reasons not to in the past. This "girl" that he hangs out with is most likely more of a mutual friend to the guy trying to tear you two apart. You can't let what you hear through the grapevine bother you too much, because a lot people talk shit and like to start problems for some reason. I know it's a shitty thing to have to think about, but you have to take your mans word. Everyone at least deserves 1 or 2 chances to prove their worth to you. Always remember that.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      I think what hurts me the most or what scares me the most is I look easy to fool to him. But yeah...he's gonna have to show me his worth and prove himself while i stop giving my all. When you really love someone, you can't hold back everything you wanna do to them or for them and thats what Ive been doing. Ive just been listening to my heart even tho all these things are in the back of my mind. But I have to start somewhere and hold back because the more I give, the more it hurts to know hes talking to someone else. I have to keep my heart on the same level as my head and my head is telling me "you guys aren't official yet so its okay if he is talking to someone else." All I want is the truth, I hate being lied to and being mistaken as a fool. And if he is telling me the truth then fine okay but I can't give my all anymore knowing it leads to this.
      
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- (s)aint
  
  9 years ago
  
  It's hard to trust people when people are everything but trustworthy. To me trust is something that grows and not something that just HAPPENS because you are dating.
  
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Caryopteris

9 years ago

Why are you trying to have a long-distance relationship? It sounds like he wants to get all the experience he can get. It sounds like you might be making more of this relationship than it is compared to how he feels. I would suggest letting this one go and date somebody closer to you.

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Nokiot9

9 years ago

You sound way controlling. If my gf tried to tell me who I could and couldn't talk to, she wouldn't be my gf for much longer.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Na its not like I'm not letting him talk to any girls, its just this girl in particular I'm concerned about. Plus I haven't even told him to not talk to her cause idk the truth yet. But from the evidence so far, it looks suspicious. If the subject of her comes up and he looks like he's hiding something, I'm not gonna tell don't talk to her I'm gonna just say bye to him because why would I be with someone who is interested in someone else? But if it doesn't look like he's hiding something then okay whatever go ahead and hang out with her and other friends....I don't care.
  
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  - (s)aint
    
    9 years ago
    
    If you suspect that he is hiding something from you and he denies it ... why waste time on something like that?
    "He knows he have me" Dude, that is never a good signal to send out to someone you are not even together with because it teaches them thay they can treat you like complete crap without ever risking anything with you.
    Get some sense of self-worth, you can easily replace him and move on with your life.
    
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TareBear20

9 years ago

No. Don't tip toe around it, be straight with him. Say this: "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that your friend alarmed me, because he sent me a snapchat of you and another girl at some party. I'm not trying to jump to conclusions, but for my own piece of mind, I need to know if there is someone else mackin' on you. I have my heart set on you and don't want to get hurt." ..Say your own variation of that, or mine, it doesn't matter. :) I'm sure that he will appreciate your honesty and it's always better this way. Always be up front with him and that also goes for everyone else in your life. Also, it seems like you have a guilty conscience, because of your own past thoughts or mistakes and you are thinking that he will do the same, because you might assume that since he is also a nice guy, it may work the same for him, but it never does. Never assume something of anyone, or at least try not to. I think with the conversation starter I gave you, you'll be able to clear the air. Try not to get defensive or interrogate him, though. :)

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  I dont really want to get into too muh detail about how it happened unless he asks me cause then his friend will be involved and i dnt want anyone to be involved in this except him and I. But i will def apply some of my stuff with your stuff to talk to him. I'm giving him a lot of space and not bothering him like before. I think once he settles down with the stuff going on right now like he tells me, I'm hoping things will get back to normal but he's going to have to come to me and make it normal again because I have no more effort to put since I've put it all out there already. He needs to catch up.
  
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  - TareBear20
    
    9 years ago
    
    That's understandable. Just make yourself less available, but don't push him too far away. You should try to focus on other things that keep you busy and try to stay away from your phone as much as you can.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      Yeah, thanks. Not going to push him away for sure but gonna have to put less effort. And yeah, I suppose I can stay away but you know we are long distance, its kind of the only thing we got.
      
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      - TareBear20
        
        9 years ago
        
        making yourself seem busy with other things might relieve some of the tension you have and I'm sure he'll miss you and let you know in some way. It may not be him asking you out, but at least you know he's thinking of you. :)
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        9 years ago
        
        Ya maybe. The last time I tried making him miss me by being unavailable he would hit me up a few days later like nothings wrong. He's being silent again and I'm gonna be silent again as well and if he doesn't do anything about it then ugh I'm over it. He's taken so much out of me, he doesn't get it. Even if he is thinking of me hes shy and doesn't make much of a move and anyways why would he if he might have someone else in line....sorry I know I'm being negative but him being silent and distant doesn't help this situation
        
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TareBear20

9 years ago

He doesn't know that his friend mentioned that other girl to you, correct? If so, then it's not bringing up the same thing. This time you have evidence to support your claim. You need to have good communication for a relationship to work, especially long distance. He will appreciate you a lot more and have a better understanding of what's troubling you. I'm not saying you should bitch him out, because that is the worst way to get through to someone. If it really bothers you, just bring it up lightly in casual conversation and see what he says. No matter what, I think you should believe him, because a lot of guys really don't get enough credit for being faithful when they are. He deserves that initial trust, because he hasn't betrayed you and your just having normal fears and anxieties. It happens, but don't let it rule you or your relationships, because it will get you nothing but a broken heart. Just give him the benefit of the doubt and keep that trust and faith in him that you had before this rumor.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  No he doesn't but he did sent me something of the night. I wanna ask him "so how was last night?" He doesn't know that I knew she was there. From there, I want to try to find a way to transition to telling him that "its okay if you're talking to someone else cause Im starting to accept the fact that were not official, despite my strong feelings for you, so I can talk to another guy just like you can talk to another girl. Until, and if ever, we are official, we're both single no matter how close we get. I just want to know the truth, are or have you talked to someone else." When he got home last night, Im guessing he was a little buzzed and he texted me these sweet things and yeah I replied short cause I didn't want to fully believe his words, but he hasn't responded. He prob feels a little awkward cause he knows he was drunk. The question is, did he mean those things? or because he was with that girl he came back home reassuring himself and me that Im his girl like he said? Annoying. I think that because I did the same thing a long time ago to him when we weren't this close. I came home and texted him calling him my baby and stuff, like he did last night to me, after clubbin with these guys and one of them I was close to hooking up with.
  
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TareBear20

9 years ago

Your all will usually lead you to this point, because most people won't reciprocate in that way. How long have you guys been seeing each other? He may not realize that he's not putting as much into it as you'd like or he is and you don't see it as much, because it is long distance and you are already paranoid about his whereabouts. Paranoia and impulse don't go together very well, either. I think you need to be upfront with him and tell him that his friend led you to suspicion. I don't consider that being narcissistic, since this person is trying to destroy what makes you happy. These thoughts that your keeping bottled up are going to drive you to your own conclusion, because the human brain is selfish and always wants an answer or a resolution. It sounds like you are starting to convince yourself on your own accord that he is up to something. You can reverse tricking your brain like this and the best way to do so is to confront your boyfriend.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Yeah but Ive confronted him many times already which is why he thinks im crazy for thinking these things. So I don't want to bring it up again until, like u said, I have solid evidence. Plus, likke u said, Im not his official gf yet so i don't want to look crazy already and we haven't even started a real relationship even though it totally feels like we have. I want to say its been a year that we have been seeing each other but around this time, we were more like friends with benefits...it wasn't until like 2 months later, things started getting serious. But at the same time, I feel like once he is my official bf he will change and put more effort. His last relationship lasted a few years. Hes a long term guy so I think if we ever do become official I won't have to deal with this kind of bs so I won't look as crazy as I am right now.
  I dont get why his friend would do that like he was shoving it in my face, or maybe it is in my head, and he just sent that for the hell of it. I just feel like its too much of a coincidence that it was that girl. But ya anywho, I just have to be easy with my heart and not feel like im his gf cause im not so i shouldnt get mad like one. I asked him once if he minds me talking to other guys and he said "of course as crazy as i am about you, i don't want you to be with other guys," i mean lucky for him, I dont even feel the need to talk to another guy but if it just so happens someone interests me i can go along with it and im not sure what his reaction would be. He also said so that he knows Im free to talk to anyone too but he prefers I don't. I just think he would handle it a little better than I am right now. He wouldn't bother me about it cause he does more with his head and his head tells him Im not his gf so Im free to do as I please.
  
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal if he can't budge?